CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 123 "Her Needs, My Prayer"A collection of poetry
29 total reviews
Comment from jeslaf
This is a great plea to God for help. I feel your desperation and concern, and the ending couplet offering her up to God is a great closing. Blessings to you~
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This is a great plea to God for help. I feel your desperation and concern, and the ending couplet offering her up to God is a great closing. Blessings to you~
Comment Written 17-Dec-2008
Comment from Mary P.
The love and trust you feel for your child is felt in this poem. Wanting to meet all her need yet not being able to. You wrote each thought flowing gently from the beginning to the end.
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The love and trust you feel for your child is felt in this poem. Wanting to meet all her need yet not being able to. You wrote each thought flowing gently from the beginning to the end.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2008
Comment from rmdelta
Sue,
Great poem, Sue. Very nicely written and very powerfully written. Your stanzas flow so smoothly together. This feels like a true story, not just something you made up out of the air. If not, you've accomplished a perfect writing: making the reader believe it is real. If true, my prayers are with you and your family, if not true, well written.
Reggie
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Sue,
Great poem, Sue. Very nicely written and very powerfully written. Your stanzas flow so smoothly together. This feels like a true story, not just something you made up out of the air. If not, you've accomplished a perfect writing: making the reader believe it is real. If true, my prayers are with you and your family, if not true, well written.
Reggie
Comment Written 17-Dec-2008
Comment from Domino
Morning, Sue. Firstly my deep sympathy for you and your daughter, who is obviously so loved and cared for.
This could be read, especially the last line as it would be best if she paseed on into God's care. However I don't think you mean this, but you wish him to take more care of her here on earth, aspecially as you use the word 'lend'.
Very snappy, sincere pleading short lines in a prayer fashion (I guess as I don't know any). Excellent rhymes and enthrawling read. I wish you both the very best. Ray xx
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Morning, Sue. Firstly my deep sympathy for you and your daughter, who is obviously so loved and cared for.
This could be read, especially the last line as it would be best if she paseed on into God's care. However I don't think you mean this, but you wish him to take more care of her here on earth, aspecially as you use the word 'lend'.
Very snappy, sincere pleading short lines in a prayer fashion (I guess as I don't know any). Excellent rhymes and enthrawling read. I wish you both the very best. Ray xx
Comment Written 17-Dec-2008
Comment from Solomon King
That was a really nice Poem. For me, it had just the right balance, not too emotional and not too complex.
Well done, i liked it. Maybe you could add a section, after the first two, with reference to the girl, her smile, or her growing up before going straight to the 'now she's grown' part?
Solomon King.
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That was a really nice Poem. For me, it had just the right balance, not too emotional and not too complex.
Well done, i liked it. Maybe you could add a section, after the first two, with reference to the girl, her smile, or her growing up before going straight to the 'now she's grown' part?
Solomon King.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2008
Comment from lindamo
I am a public school teacher, and recognized, through your descriptive language, the emotions and concerns of the parents of an autistic child. Your words are moving. Your prayer to God sincere.
A strength of your poem lies in your use of slant rhymes: hard/guide; grown/you; strength/here. Personally, mixing up the syllables of the rhyming words, and the use of slant rhymes, raises the sophistication of your work. I might suggest looking at your true rhymes and see if there are other words you can incorporate to change the true rhymes into more "slantier" rhymes.
Thank you so much for giving the community an opportunity to read such touching work.
-Linda
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I am a public school teacher, and recognized, through your descriptive language, the emotions and concerns of the parents of an autistic child. Your words are moving. Your prayer to God sincere.
A strength of your poem lies in your use of slant rhymes: hard/guide; grown/you; strength/here. Personally, mixing up the syllables of the rhyming words, and the use of slant rhymes, raises the sophistication of your work. I might suggest looking at your true rhymes and see if there are other words you can incorporate to change the true rhymes into more "slantier" rhymes.
Thank you so much for giving the community an opportunity to read such touching work.
-Linda
Comment Written 17-Dec-2008
Comment from lindamo
I am a public school teacher, and recognized, through your descriptive language, the emotions and concerns of the parents of an autistic child. Your words are moving. Your prayer to God sincere.
A strength of your poem lies in your use of slant rhymes: hard/guide; grown/you; strength/here. Personally, mixing up the syllables of the rhyming words, and the use of slant rhymes, raises the sophistication of your work. I might suggest looking at your true rhymes and see if there are other words you can incorporate to change the true rhymes into more "slantier" rhymes.
Thank you so much for giving the community an opportunity to read such touching work.
-Linda
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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2008
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I am a public school teacher, and recognized, through your descriptive language, the emotions and concerns of the parents of an autistic child. Your words are moving. Your prayer to God sincere.
A strength of your poem lies in your use of slant rhymes: hard/guide; grown/you; strength/here. Personally, mixing up the syllables of the rhyming words, and the use of slant rhymes, raises the sophistication of your work. I might suggest looking at your true rhymes and see if there are other words you can incorporate to change the true rhymes into more "slantier" rhymes.
Thank you so much for giving the community an opportunity to read such touching work.
-Linda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2008
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Linda, this is a very good suggestion. It's late now but I will revisit it tomorrow. I thank you for your most kind review and words. With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Brian S. Pratt
The challenge has been hard
Unknowns along the way
==so true, but worth it.
Great poem, really enjoyed it.
You have a good flair with words.
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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2008
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The challenge has been hard
Unknowns along the way
==so true, but worth it.
Great poem, really enjoyed it.
You have a good flair with words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2008
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Brian, thanks so much for your most kind review. And your very nice compliment. With regards, Sue
Comment from martys_rib
Beautifully made.
All things through Christ is possible. Many times we rely on our own ideas of how life should be, but it all is in Gods hands. In this life there are trials and in this life we are only a faded memory. It is the eternal that matters.
I have an 11 year old daughter who is slight autistic and suffers from PTSD. I often think of her life here on earth and what will become of it, but God gives me peace by reminding me that he is in control even when I don't see.
Thank you for blessing me with this and the wonderful choice of picture to add to it.
Mahalo
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2008
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Beautifully made.
All things through Christ is possible. Many times we rely on our own ideas of how life should be, but it all is in Gods hands. In this life there are trials and in this life we are only a faded memory. It is the eternal that matters.
I have an 11 year old daughter who is slight autistic and suffers from PTSD. I often think of her life here on earth and what will become of it, but God gives me peace by reminding me that he is in control even when I don't see.
Thank you for blessing me with this and the wonderful choice of picture to add to it.
Mahalo
Comment Written 17-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2008
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Mahalo, maybe God has already heard, as you are the first to read this. My daughter is 21. She has always needed the utmost of care. But on top of all of that she, too, has been exposed to a trauma and now has PTSD with no ability to speak. My unbearable pain for both her and me is an understatement. I've lost faith throughout the years. But, I need it back so I can go on for my children. I thank you for this most generous review and the kindest words and feelings possible. It means everything. With my warmest regards, Sue