Sunrise
A poem about the sun coming up29 total reviews
Comment from Brenda Strauser
Hi Cecilia, this is a very nice poem. The picture is a good choice for your poem. The rhymes are very good. The poem describes nature very well.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Hi Cecilia, this is a very nice poem. The picture is a good choice for your poem. The rhymes are very good. The poem describes nature very well.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Brenda,
Thank you for the kind review.
Cecilia
Comment from karenina
Hi Cecilia. It's nice that Debi is mentoring you -- I know she loves rhyming poems with meter. Check with her, maybe, and see if she'd prefer to fly under the radar? This leaves some confusion as to whether she is a "Co-author" --The way you worded: "my good friend and mentor Debi Marquette took over..." could be interpreted that way.
You started with the sunrise very nicely -- before I knew it, you'd taken us through the day, and we closed out with the sunrise!
The recurring dawn is then anticipated and reminds me of how fast time flies ~ particularly around the holidays!
Line six: "The hues, orange and yellow" seems to be the only line that extends to seven syllables while all the others conform to a syllabic count of six.
In line 22 I'm assuming you were counting "smile" as two syllables. (I get it! That's how I pronounce it as well! --it can be counted as either according to the grand and wonderful Google machine!
:)
In line six please remove the apostrophe in it's...
"Sun starts to make it's climb"
You've written this word as a contraction, which would be understood to mean "Sun starts to make it IS climb"
"its" is the possessive pronoun, and (btw) that often trips me up as well...
A few little edits if you care to do them. I'm not one to take off stars for such things, so this good poem ties me to nature, and makes me smile!
Karenina
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Hi Cecilia. It's nice that Debi is mentoring you -- I know she loves rhyming poems with meter. Check with her, maybe, and see if she'd prefer to fly under the radar? This leaves some confusion as to whether she is a "Co-author" --The way you worded: "my good friend and mentor Debi Marquette took over..." could be interpreted that way.
You started with the sunrise very nicely -- before I knew it, you'd taken us through the day, and we closed out with the sunrise!
The recurring dawn is then anticipated and reminds me of how fast time flies ~ particularly around the holidays!
Line six: "The hues, orange and yellow" seems to be the only line that extends to seven syllables while all the others conform to a syllabic count of six.
In line 22 I'm assuming you were counting "smile" as two syllables. (I get it! That's how I pronounce it as well! --it can be counted as either according to the grand and wonderful Google machine!
:)
In line six please remove the apostrophe in it's...
"Sun starts to make it's climb"
You've written this word as a contraction, which would be understood to mean "Sun starts to make it IS climb"
"its" is the possessive pronoun, and (btw) that often trips me up as well...
A few little edits if you care to do them. I'm not one to take off stars for such things, so this good poem ties me to nature, and makes me smile!
Karenina
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Karenina,
Thank you for the wonderful review. I have reworded how Debi plays into the poem. I will fix my mistakes now. I appreciate you.
Cecilia
Comment from Tim Margetts
What a great collaboration between you and Debi.
I love the way your poem follows the path of the sun as it paints its picture of life across the day.
Tim x
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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What a great collaboration between you and Debi.
I love the way your poem follows the path of the sun as it paints its picture of life across the day.
Tim x
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Tim,
Thank you for the beautiful review. I reworded Debi's involvement. She help with syllable count and meter. I am the original writer.
Cecilia
Comment from Sally Law
Dear Cecilia,
I'm sorry I don't have a six for this beautiful rhyming poem. A gorgeous offering of the sunrise. I love your view. I'm glad our Debi helped you with the ebb and flow. Debi's a sweetheart and loves the rhyming verse.
Sending you my best today as always.
Sal Xoxos
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Dear Cecilia,
I'm sorry I don't have a six for this beautiful rhyming poem. A gorgeous offering of the sunrise. I love your view. I'm glad our Debi helped you with the ebb and flow. Debi's a sweetheart and loves the rhyming verse.
Sending you my best today as always.
Sal Xoxos
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Sal,
Thank you for the wonderful review. I reworded Debi' s involvement. She helped me with the syllable count and meter and cleaned it up a little bit.
Cecilia
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This has clever rhymes such as dawn and yawn. I love the beautiful sunrise picture it adds so much to the feel of this lovely poem. The flow and meter work well together and the rhymes are out of this world with creativity.
I like how you start the day and go through it gently until the nighttime comes and you kindly rest your head.
Jesse
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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This has clever rhymes such as dawn and yawn. I love the beautiful sunrise picture it adds so much to the feel of this lovely poem. The flow and meter work well together and the rhymes are out of this world with creativity.
I like how you start the day and go through it gently until the nighttime comes and you kindly rest your head.
Jesse
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Jesse,
Thank you for the wonderful review.
Cecilia
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You're welcome.
Jesse
Comment from RodG
** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with the criteria outlined on the Q&A page.**
The Speaker describes the joy she feels from sunrise to sunset.
But your poem needs to be retitled as you're describing the WHOLE DAY watching and enjoying the sun.
Sometimes you jump around too much. For example, in stanza 5 you describe how the sun warming your face affects your mood; suddenly you shift your focus to a hummingbird.
Do you know the difference between ITS & IT's? In both cases (stanza 3) you used the wrong one.
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reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with the criteria outlined on the Q&A page.**
The Speaker describes the joy she feels from sunrise to sunset.
But your poem needs to be retitled as you're describing the WHOLE DAY watching and enjoying the sun.
Sometimes you jump around too much. For example, in stanza 5 you describe how the sun warming your face affects your mood; suddenly you shift your focus to a hummingbird.
Do you know the difference between ITS & IT's? In both cases (stanza 3) you used the wrong one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Rod,
I really appreciate your review, however you don't need to be condescending about it. I am still learning my craft and I didn't wake up perfect this morning like you. I'm all for constructive criticism, but you have stepped over the line. If you don't like my poems do us both a favor and don't read them.
Cecilia
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very well written poem. I enjoyed reading it very much and it flows very well when it is read aloud. This is one of the ways that we learn here on fan story is we have others who can help us with our flow of our work. And Debimust've done that for you.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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This is a very well written poem. I enjoyed reading it very much and it flows very well when it is read aloud. This is one of the ways that we learn here on fan story is we have others who can help us with our flow of our work. And Debimust've done that for you.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Patricia,
Thank you for the wonderful review. Yes, Miss Debi is wonderful and she in my mentor and I can't thank her enough.
Cecilia
Comment from Begin Again
What a wonderful, vibrant world we have been blessed with! Mother Nature smiles as we enjoy it. And as the glorious day bids us adieu, the evening stars (porch lights in the sky) turn on to guide our way.
Smiles, Carol
NOTE:
Sky colored bues (blue)
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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What a wonderful, vibrant world we have been blessed with! Mother Nature smiles as we enjoy it. And as the glorious day bids us adieu, the evening stars (porch lights in the sky) turn on to guide our way.
Smiles, Carol
NOTE:
Sky colored bues (blue)
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Carol,
Thank you for the wonderful review. I will change my oops oh right now.
Cecilia
Comment from royowen
Well done with this, it seems easy to get a poem to flow, but it takes little knowledge of how it works with stresses and no stresses, beautifully written Cecilia, you've done well Cecilia, blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Well done with this, it seems easy to get a poem to flow, but it takes little knowledge of how it works with stresses and no stresses, beautifully written Cecilia, you've done well Cecilia, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2024
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Roy,
Thank you for the wonderful review.
Cecilia
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Bless you
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I couldn't have done it with out my good friend Debi M.
Cecilia
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She's a fine lady, it's good to seek, help, a few helped me over the years Cecilia, bless you
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Roy,
I need all the help I can get. My muse is on vacation and I am having a hard time coming up with ideas. I seem to be stuck on all things nature.
Cecilia
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Plenty of human stories, the activities in the Middle East, the parables of Jesus, heroes in the bible, proverbs, psalms, wickedness in high places dear girl, nature's good. Blessings Cecilia. I've prayed.
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Roy,
I know there are a lot of things, but I need passion to try and right a poem.
Cecilia
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I do know what you mean, it takes an effort to conjure up, but I tell you this, it's very worth while, the gift can be turned on. So where do you think I get it from? I've been doing this for a long time Cecilia. God is truly amazing.
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Roy,
Yes God is truly amazing. I agree 100%
Cecilia