The Escape
There are times when the only way out is to Escape.30 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Aww Tremendous! And her sister too! You've selected a strong sentence to start your flash story and this hooks the reader immediately. After this, I found your prose was well structured to set the scene of why she was leaving and further detail the journey, creating a tension that this attempt to escape was going to be foiled, either by the abuser or by missing the train. Instead, we had a very satisfying and unexpected ending. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Aww Tremendous! And her sister too! You've selected a strong sentence to start your flash story and this hooks the reader immediately. After this, I found your prose was well structured to set the scene of why she was leaving and further detail the journey, creating a tension that this attempt to escape was going to be foiled, either by the abuser or by missing the train. Instead, we had a very satisfying and unexpected ending. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 09-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Thanks for your kind review and your best wishes.
Comment from DonandVicki
A flash fiction with a surprise at the end, A short story about abuse with a good ending. You kept the reader in suspence untill the very ending of the story. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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A flash fiction with a surprise at the end, A short story about abuse with a good ending. You kept the reader in suspence untill the very ending of the story. Well done.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Thanks for the kind review. Glad you enjoyed the read.
Comment from gansach
I read the Moriarty book, but it was too long ago to remember the line. You did a nice job of turning it into a believable story of abuse and escaping it. Great tension and suspense as the character hurries to get to safety. This Last Words writing prompt is an interesting concept and you carried it out well. Good luck!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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I read the Moriarty book, but it was too long ago to remember the line. You did a nice job of turning it into a believable story of abuse and escaping it. Great tension and suspense as the character hurries to get to safety. This Last Words writing prompt is an interesting concept and you carried it out well. Good luck!
Comment Written 09-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Thanks for your review and it is an interesting concept. Keep well.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You creatively crafted a story with a mysterious beginning, and slowly and smoothly incorporated suspense. Your story about a woman escaping domestic abuse sounds as though your context is completely different from the book that inspired your story - "The Husband's Secret." Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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You creatively crafted a story with a mysterious beginning, and slowly and smoothly incorporated suspense. Your story about a woman escaping domestic abuse sounds as though your context is completely different from the book that inspired your story - "The Husband's Secret." Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Thanks for your review and kind comments.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
The flash fiction was very well done. You kept the tension going until the end and when Olivia was grabbed by the shoulder I am fairly certain I physically jumped. nice entry for the Last Words writing pronpt. Good luck.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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The flash fiction was very well done. You kept the tension going until the end and when Olivia was grabbed by the shoulder I am fairly certain I physically jumped. nice entry for the Last Words writing pronpt. Good luck.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Thanks for your kind review. Glad you enjoyed the read.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was very well done. So many women go through that and never escape. Not until they've been murdered. I could feel her fear, and was wishing her to hurry. I'm glad the ending was a good one, that was such a relief. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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That was very well done. So many women go through that and never escape. Not until they've been murdered. I could feel her fear, and was wishing her to hurry. I'm glad the ending was a good one, that was such a relief. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Thank you for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read.
Comment from EeanBlack
So, she's going back? Noooo! Don't get me so hooked and then turn it around. I don't know who you are, but you are cruel. She had freedom in her grasp. lol. I don't think you are cruel, but your story is. I tolerate strangeness in my world, but not that in a relationship, from either direction. This is a good story, up until the disappointing end. That is unless I read it wrong. that is possible.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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So, she's going back? Noooo! Don't get me so hooked and then turn it around. I don't know who you are, but you are cruel. She had freedom in her grasp. lol. I don't think you are cruel, but your story is. I tolerate strangeness in my world, but not that in a relationship, from either direction. This is a good story, up until the disappointing end. That is unless I read it wrong. that is possible.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Thanks for the review. Yes, you did read it wrong. She is saved.
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Thank you.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Your story was intense and you created that anxious anticipation from the first line until we were relieved that this girl was finally safe and in the arms of her sister. Domestic abuse is on the rise in Britain with more and more men murdering their wives and partners. A fine flash fiction, love Dolly x x x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Your story was intense and you created that anxious anticipation from the first line until we were relieved that this girl was finally safe and in the arms of her sister. Domestic abuse is on the rise in Britain with more and more men murdering their wives and partners. A fine flash fiction, love Dolly x x x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2024
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Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read. Take care.
Comment from SimianSavant
**rating upgraded by one star following edits made by author**
Hello! This is a good start in need of some proofreading, condensing, and consideration of different words in places for clarity. Message me back if you make some revisions so I can reconsider the rating. Here are some proofreading notes:
The subtitle feels redundant and moralistic, and takes away from your piece. Instead, I suggest something more concise that offers some hint about what's going on. Here are some random ideas: love hung over, Olivia runs for her life, one way out, race to the station.
prayed to herself." <= accidental quote. What should be here instead is a colon (:)
"Please God, let this go to plan, please" <= needs a period
She prayed no further <= comma
As she stretched <= awkward verb. Try: as she GAINED
more distance away from the house <= comma
needed her <= try: REQUIRED her.
to reach the local railway station by one thirty <= write as one-thirty, or 1:30. Same for 1:25.
His reaction would be extreme anger, and the hunt would be on. <= more suspenseful if you omit this. It's already implied enough by your title.
The path to marital bliss was wide open. <= awkward, and unclear what you mean. I would just omit this sentence as it is redundant with the first sentence in the paragraph.
A lot of alcohol passed his lips, and <= awkward and redundant with what follows - I'd just go with "drunken rages" etc
The fist punch though <= don't have a single line break. Do a double line break or no break
Almost there. <= try: she was almost there
The early hour dictated <= awkward. Try "ensured"
not many people were out
Easier to find if no one around. <= fragment with missing verb
Every moment was filled with the fear of being found out <= try a different verb such as "discovered", or "detected". Your verb choice here would be more appropriate if she had stolen something and the perpetrator was unknown.
Look ahead and not behind <= comma
she said to herself.
A grip on her left shoulder stifled <= wrong verb. Try: froze her.
Olivia turned and just stood still. A smile slowly printed on Olivia's face, <= use a pronoun: HER face.
Hope this is helpful. Thanks for the read and best regards,
🦍
**THIS REVIEWER HAS PLEDGED TO FOLLOW THE OFFICIAL SITE RATING CRITERIA. Accordingly, you may receive a lower rating than what you are typically accustomed to receiving, and you will also receive more detailed feedback.**
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2024
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**rating upgraded by one star following edits made by author**
Hello! This is a good start in need of some proofreading, condensing, and consideration of different words in places for clarity. Message me back if you make some revisions so I can reconsider the rating. Here are some proofreading notes:
The subtitle feels redundant and moralistic, and takes away from your piece. Instead, I suggest something more concise that offers some hint about what's going on. Here are some random ideas: love hung over, Olivia runs for her life, one way out, race to the station.
prayed to herself." <= accidental quote. What should be here instead is a colon (:)
"Please God, let this go to plan, please" <= needs a period
She prayed no further <= comma
As she stretched <= awkward verb. Try: as she GAINED
more distance away from the house <= comma
needed her <= try: REQUIRED her.
to reach the local railway station by one thirty <= write as one-thirty, or 1:30. Same for 1:25.
His reaction would be extreme anger, and the hunt would be on. <= more suspenseful if you omit this. It's already implied enough by your title.
The path to marital bliss was wide open. <= awkward, and unclear what you mean. I would just omit this sentence as it is redundant with the first sentence in the paragraph.
A lot of alcohol passed his lips, and <= awkward and redundant with what follows - I'd just go with "drunken rages" etc
The fist punch though <= don't have a single line break. Do a double line break or no break
Almost there. <= try: she was almost there
The early hour dictated <= awkward. Try "ensured"
not many people were out
Easier to find if no one around. <= fragment with missing verb
Every moment was filled with the fear of being found out <= try a different verb such as "discovered", or "detected". Your verb choice here would be more appropriate if she had stolen something and the perpetrator was unknown.
Look ahead and not behind <= comma
she said to herself.
A grip on her left shoulder stifled <= wrong verb. Try: froze her.
Olivia turned and just stood still. A smile slowly printed on Olivia's face, <= use a pronoun: HER face.
Hope this is helpful. Thanks for the read and best regards,
🦍
**THIS REVIEWER HAS PLEDGED TO FOLLOW THE OFFICIAL SITE RATING CRITERIA. Accordingly, you may receive a lower rating than what you are typically accustomed to receiving, and you will also receive more detailed feedback.**
Comment Written 08-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2024
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Thanks so much for your review. I have adopted the majority of your suggested amendments. Thanks for the suggestions. Hopefully, you will re-visit your assessment. Take care and thanks again.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Great job and offering for the contest here! Thanx so much for sharing and best of luck to you in the contest!
house her confidence --> house, her confidence
twenty-five and she picked --> twenty-five, and she picked
punch though, became --> punch, though, became
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2024
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Great job and offering for the contest here! Thanx so much for sharing and best of luck to you in the contest!
house her confidence --> house, her confidence
twenty-five and she picked --> twenty-five, and she picked
punch though, became --> punch, though, became
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2024
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Thanks for your review . Glad you liked the read and thanks for your suggestion as to a number of amendments.
Take care.
Barry Penfold.