Comment from Neonewman

Exceptional

I'm excited about getting in on the ground floor of your new book, Jim. I will not get behind on reading this one. I am intrigued and was left wanting more. I'm interested in learning how you utilize three narrators throughout.
I look forward to the next chapter, my friend.
God bless,
Steve

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Thanks so much, Steve. Happy you're around for the beginning. Thanks for those 6 stars too!

I'm just planning to use a commonly-employed technique of stating the character's name before their chapter or portion of a chapter. Then I will write that part from their POV. The next chapter will also be Fran, but after that, I'll switch to the third character, who I haven't introduced yet, although you may remember her from Duel with the Devil when we get to her.

reply by Neonewman on 05-Nov-2024

Awesome! I am excited to see where this goes.

Comment from Marilyn Hamilton

Excellent

This looks to be a great start to a new novel. Interesting characters and a plot that keeps me interested in coming back to find out more. Keep it coming. Enjoyed!

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Thanks so much, Marilyn. Glad you found it interesting. Most of the characters in this novel will have appeared in past novels of mine, which is always fun to make them intersect.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

I'm glad I stumbled across your first chapter, since it's already posted and wouldn't be added to my inbox. I remember reading some of your posts early on and we even talked about our putting greens in the back yard, but I've never read any of your stories like this one. Now I'm sorry I missed the last one. Outstanding! Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Thanks very much, Ric. I'm glad you found it. I really enjoyed your first chapter and will read the second one shortly.

I've just started writing this one and only have two chapters so far, but I usually get ahead of the postings after a while because I typically post my novel chapters every 3 or 4 days.

It's always a little risky posting a novel as you are writing it, especially if you are a "pantser" like me, because sometimes things change as you develop the plot and the characters. But it's fun writing this way and letting things evolve. Often the characters suggest the way to go with the story as they develop.

My past novels have either been golf novels or, more recently, high-concept stories featuring high-tech inventions. This new one I would classify as action-adventure, even though there's no such category to choose from. (I gave that suggestion to Tom, though.)

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

You've piqued my interest. Why was Fran suspended? I can't wait to find out. I am already looking forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing this story with us.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Thanks, Barbara. We'll find out in the next chapter why Fran was suspended.

Do you remember Dana from Saving Mr. Calvin? She's the one who stole the golf suit and cheated Abby out of the club championship. We'll get to see a different side of her in this story.

reply by barbara.wilkey on 05-Nov-2024

I didn't pick up on that.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

So Brian's older sister, Fran is trying to promote the drug he invented? I wonder whey she was suspended from eh FBI? Is this the start of a friendship to benefit Brian I wonder. I enjoyed the journey here Jim, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Good guess, Dolly. This budding friendship between Fran and Dana will definitely benefit Brian as the story unfolds.

I don't think you read the novels that Dana was in. In those, she was the villain, but we'll see a different side of her in this one, although her personality will remain somewhat the same.

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

What a strong start to your story! I love how you immediately draw us in with Fran's voice and her conversation with Dana. The way you reveal Fran's true identity as an FBI agent through her dialogue is interesting. I also enjoyed the lighthearted dialgoue between the characters - it brings warmth to the scene. You've set the stage beautifully. I can't wait to see where the story goes from here!

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Thanks very much, Michael. I appreciate your kind review. If they had such a category, I would have classified this novel as Action-Adventure, because that's what it's intended to be. That being said, I hope to put a major emphasis on characters.

Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary

Excellent

Hi Jim,

So far this book is awesome. I can relate to Dana, as I'm a lot like her. I speak my mind and don't really care what others think. What I can see of Dana she doesn't either.

This is a great chapter and I am looking forward to the next one.

Cecilia

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Thanks so much, Cecilia. We'll get to Dana's chapter soon. She appeared in a couple of my previous novels as a villain. This one will show a little different side of Dana.

reply by Cecilia A Heiskary on 05-Nov-2024

You are welcome

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

The characters named have changed and yet I feel familiar with the actors and the premise of the story. Good luck in the journey. Tom H
jidbauibfubadsofsnund

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Perhaps Dana has changed a little, but not Fran. Fran was married in Duel with the Devil and became Fran Pekarsky. Dana was in Some Call It Luck and Saving Mr. Calvin. She's the one who was Abby's nemesis and stole the golf suit. You'll see a different side of Dana in this one. Abby will also make an appearance later on.

reply by Tom Horonzy on 05-Nov-2024

I thought it familiar to the last one finished where the violinist and the lab geek do the two step.

reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Yes, indeedy. This one is a sequel to that and picks up where it left off.

Comment from Sallyo

Excellent

A couple of nits... one IS a nit and the other is probably just a suggestion.
it's source?"
its source?"

What do you know about a new painkiller that's been discovered called Glyptophan?
MAYBE SHOULD BE What do you know about a new painkiller that's been discovered? It's called Glyptophan.
OR
What do you know about a new painkiller called Glyptophan that's been discovered?

Now that's out of the way... starting out well. It caught and held my attention and the first person narration let you release info without info-dumping.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Hi, Sally. Nice catch with the it's/its. The other one I think I will leave in since it's dialogue, and people don't always speak perfectly grammatically.

That's a great comment about info-dumping. That's one of the reasons I like to write my stories in first person--because you can interject personal thoughts among the narrative parts, and it doesn't seem so much like you're info-dumping.

It can be a challenge not to info-dump when you've got background information you have to get out there to develop context. But it doesn't have to all be done at once, and it's often more interesting for at least part of the information to get out there through dialogue. There will be examples of that in my next chapter.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing Chapter 1.