Around the Bend
A loop poem28 total reviews
Comment from jessizero
I think this was a great piece of loop poetry for the contest. You got the format right, and I enjoyed your rhymes. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I think this was a great piece of loop poetry for the contest. You got the format right, and I enjoyed your rhymes. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much, Jessi!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this Loop Poetry contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading. I enjoyed reading the journey this person took to rediscover themselves. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thank you for sharing this Loop Poetry contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading. I enjoyed reading the journey this person took to rediscover themselves. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thank you! Xoxo:)
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was a very cool poem, Jessica. Every step we take away from what we don't like about ourselves is a step towards a better future. Opening our hearts and letting someone in, is a step. Realizing that no man is an island is another. You did it much better than my pitiful attempt to explain how your poem meant to me. Lol. Beautifully written. Gretchen
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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This was a very cool poem, Jessica. Every step we take away from what we don't like about ourselves is a step towards a better future. Opening our hearts and letting someone in, is a step. Realizing that no man is an island is another. You did it much better than my pitiful attempt to explain how your poem meant to me. Lol. Beautifully written. Gretchen
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Gretchen, that was far from pitiful! Spot on. Thanks so much! Xo
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Beautifully done, Jess, as you take the reader on your journey from loss and darkness to better things that lie around that bend in the river. Your skilled and very readable rhyming loop encourages the importance of embracing the good and wonders of our life while trying not to be distracted by the shadowlands of the past.
Perhaps: Beyond all (that) I have loved before?
Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Beautifully done, Jess, as you take the reader on your journey from loss and darkness to better things that lie around that bend in the river. Your skilled and very readable rhyming loop encourages the importance of embracing the good and wonders of our life while trying not to be distracted by the shadowlands of the past.
Perhaps: Beyond all (that) I have loved before?
Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Debbie! I'm sorry I'm so late to reply. I think I'll make that edit, though! I appreciate your suggestion! Xoxoxo
Comment from June Sargent
I enjoyed your loop poem that inspires us to look beyond the pain of loss and embrace what we have ~ and look forward to whatever may be in store for us around the bend.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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I enjoyed your loop poem that inspires us to look beyond the pain of loss and embrace what we have ~ and look forward to whatever may be in store for us around the bend.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much, June!
Comment from royowen
You've done an excellent job of this poem Jessica, it's not an easy form to write and sound when it's said out loud, it's flows smoothly, articulate, and moves beautifully from one line to another, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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You've done an excellent job of this poem Jessica, it's not an easy form to write and sound when it's said out loud, it's flows smoothly, articulate, and moves beautifully from one line to another, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Roy, I'm sorry for the late reply!
Xoxo
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No problem
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello Jessica!
Wow, where do I start? First and foremost, you skill at rhythm is top-notch. This is not an easy skill to master, as most poets look at iambs, trochees, spondees, anapests, and dactyls as a foreign language. In my opinion, a masterful rhythm can turn even gibberish into something pleasant to read. Not to imply for a second that your words are gibberish, not at all. I was just making a point. Now, about those words...
Zoomed out and taking it all in, I recognized the way your poem begins and ends talking about "the bend." And not only that, your preposition "around," which literally begins and ends the poem, brings about an excellent unity. So, the narrator at the beginning is frustrated about living, and then proceeds to explain with each stanza what must be done to move forward. It is uplifting, instructive, rational, and cathartic.
Although I have written many form poems, I have never tried this one. Done poorly, it seems the repetition of the words that bump against each other could be redundant at best and a mess at worst. You weave them in beautifully, though, by coming to each at the end of a line, and then expanding on them in the next line. I think this is exactly what this form expects from the poet.
I noticed this one thing you can fix if you wish:
---The second line of the third stanza is presenting to me with the word "more" on its own line. This is a simple formatting thing. You might just backspace that word back to the line it belongs to.
---I loved the interplay of the words "behind," "before," and "beyond" in the third stanza. "B-" alliteration is underrated.
---"Still shadows shift, and sun seeps in." --I love sibilant alliteration, and this line FEASTS on it!
---"Space for the morning sun to pour,/Pour warmth into my cold embrace" --The image of pouring warmth is perfect. Matching a vivid verb like "pouring" with an idea like "warmth" is EXACTLY what poetry should do; it should avoid the literal and live in the figurative.
I am excited about your skill, and I think you really have a great chance in the contest! I hope you win!
Patrick
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Hello Jessica!
Wow, where do I start? First and foremost, you skill at rhythm is top-notch. This is not an easy skill to master, as most poets look at iambs, trochees, spondees, anapests, and dactyls as a foreign language. In my opinion, a masterful rhythm can turn even gibberish into something pleasant to read. Not to imply for a second that your words are gibberish, not at all. I was just making a point. Now, about those words...
Zoomed out and taking it all in, I recognized the way your poem begins and ends talking about "the bend." And not only that, your preposition "around," which literally begins and ends the poem, brings about an excellent unity. So, the narrator at the beginning is frustrated about living, and then proceeds to explain with each stanza what must be done to move forward. It is uplifting, instructive, rational, and cathartic.
Although I have written many form poems, I have never tried this one. Done poorly, it seems the repetition of the words that bump against each other could be redundant at best and a mess at worst. You weave them in beautifully, though, by coming to each at the end of a line, and then expanding on them in the next line. I think this is exactly what this form expects from the poet.
I noticed this one thing you can fix if you wish:
---The second line of the third stanza is presenting to me with the word "more" on its own line. This is a simple formatting thing. You might just backspace that word back to the line it belongs to.
---I loved the interplay of the words "behind," "before," and "beyond" in the third stanza. "B-" alliteration is underrated.
---"Still shadows shift, and sun seeps in." --I love sibilant alliteration, and this line FEASTS on it!
---"Space for the morning sun to pour,/Pour warmth into my cold embrace" --The image of pouring warmth is perfect. Matching a vivid verb like "pouring" with an idea like "warmth" is EXACTLY what poetry should do; it should avoid the literal and live in the figurative.
I am excited about your skill, and I think you really have a great chance in the contest! I hope you win!
Patrick
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a nicely composed loop poem. I am out of sixes, being the weekend. But I liked reading it.
Favorite lines:
Still shadows shift, and sun seeps in.
and also:
Free now to find where I'll begin.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
This is a nicely composed loop poem. I am out of sixes, being the weekend. But I liked reading it.
Favorite lines:
Still shadows shift, and sun seeps in.
and also:
Free now to find where I'll begin.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024