Ole Blue
He did his best30 total reviews
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Jim,
great job on the poem. I've always loved trains, and just this year, I got a stunningly illustrated hard back book at the library that was put out by the Smithsonian Institute. I think it was simply called Trains, I can't recall. It had the most beautiful green steam locomotive on the front, and even if you don't like trains, it would be tempting to look inside. Lots of great photos, and an exhaustive history of trains from the first to the most modern. Thanks for sharing this Jim. Well done.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Hello Jim,
great job on the poem. I've always loved trains, and just this year, I got a stunningly illustrated hard back book at the library that was put out by the Smithsonian Institute. I think it was simply called Trains, I can't recall. It had the most beautiful green steam locomotive on the front, and even if you don't like trains, it would be tempting to look inside. Lots of great photos, and an exhaustive history of trains from the first to the most modern. Thanks for sharing this Jim. Well done.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Thanks very much, Tom. I've always been fascinated by man's ingenuity in taking a simple act like turning water into steam and being able to harness the energy in that steam to be able to push a massive amount of weight across the country in the form of people and material.
And think of all the infrastructure involved--the thousands of miles of track laid to guide those trains in a specific direction, all the bridges and trestles built over uneven land--and the planning and coordination it took to make all that happen.
The railroad system is truly amazing as is man for making it happen.
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You're right Jim. The fact that railroads are still moving the amount of freight they do is simply amazing. I've heard that they can move a much larger quantity of freight at much less fuel than trucks. I wish more people would utilize the rail system, since the road system is so crowded anymore.
Comment from Jessica Wheeler
I'm sorry to hear that they canceled the contest, Jim. However, I'm thrilled to know that you are seeking publication! The original "Ole Blue" was a fast favorite of mine, and the revised version is even better. This would make a wonderful children's book, with a profound life lesson delivered in that fun, unique "Wile Style" that is always so pleasing to read.
In fact, I was just able to test this, as Dan, the girls, and I are driving home from Wildwood, and your target audience agrees!
Xo
Jess
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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I'm sorry to hear that they canceled the contest, Jim. However, I'm thrilled to know that you are seeking publication! The original "Ole Blue" was a fast favorite of mine, and the revised version is even better. This would make a wonderful children's book, with a profound life lesson delivered in that fun, unique "Wile Style" that is always so pleasing to read.
In fact, I was just able to test this, as Dan, the girls, and I are driving home from Wildwood, and your target audience agrees!
Xo
Jess
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Thanks for your great review, Jess and for those 6 stars.
I was kind of disappointed because I thought I may have had a winner there. I remember you made a great suggestion that helped me write one of the last few stanzas. I think this modified version makes a better children's story, because the original version was a bit over-the-top with the brakeman forgetting to throw the switch and distracted from the real message of the story.
It would be fun to see it turned into a picture book. I think it lends itself to some great pictures in the hands of a talented artist. I can just picture those giant saguaros bowing down in reverence and the crowd gathering as he steams into Tucson.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I lost my dad on the rails. The steering echanism and ladder fell beneath the box car riding backwards down the hump and he was cut in half Nov 2 1965. FIlled with arthritis and a long time engineer.brakeman he went without a whimper for sure.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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I lost my dad on the rails. The steering echanism and ladder fell beneath the box car riding backwards down the hump and he was cut in half Nov 2 1965. FIlled with arthritis and a long time engineer.brakeman he went without a whimper for sure.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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That's sad. Sorry to hear about that. What a way to go!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I really do like this poem about the engine that gave his all. It would make a good picture book. You are right about the rhyming being hard to translate, but also some things just go in and out of fashion. You might look at some of the regular publishers. Try Scholastic or (I'll have to get back with you, my brain is failing me with the names. Will have to find the list. The best part about traditional publishers is that they are now online and have details of what they want to buy.)
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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I really do like this poem about the engine that gave his all. It would make a good picture book. You are right about the rhyming being hard to translate, but also some things just go in and out of fashion. You might look at some of the regular publishers. Try Scholastic or (I'll have to get back with you, my brain is failing me with the names. Will have to find the list. The best part about traditional publishers is that they are now online and have details of what they want to buy.)
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Thank you very much, Carol for your encouraging review and the 6 stars. Hard to imagine that a good rhyming poem would go out of fashion because children love rhyming, well-metered poetry. It just appeals to their ears. I don't think Dr. Seuss would have been as popular if his poetry didn't have perfect meter and rhyme. But I'm sure you're probably right about that.
I think part of the problem also is that there are so many submissions of bad poetry, that they just make a blanket rule: no poetry. But I think that's just short-sighted and lazy, and they are passing up some potentially real winners with that prejudicial approach.
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Years ago I made friends with an editor from Zondervan. He said if someone could write poetry like Dr. Suess for the religious market they could make a fortune. As far as I can tell, no one has and I know I don't have the talent for it.
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Don't give up on it. Rhyming could become the fashion again in the blink of an eye.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I rarely review poetry.
But... you have been so supportive of my stuff that I feel a bit of duty and fair play.
This is as good a poem as I've ever read in children's books. Good work.
I've seen two of these locomotives . That is, if it's one of the 'Big Boys' that were built (unfortunately) just as the diesels with their super horsepower were introduced.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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I rarely review poetry.
But... you have been so supportive of my stuff that I feel a bit of duty and fair play.
This is as good a poem as I've ever read in children's books. Good work.
I've seen two of these locomotives . That is, if it's one of the 'Big Boys' that were built (unfortunately) just as the diesels with their super horsepower were introduced.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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That's high praise, and I thank you very much for it, Wayne. I love these old locomotives. There's one that's been retired to a county park near me that kids are allowed to climb up in. I love to study the workings of it, and I'm awed at how they've managed to get steam to enable such a heavy thing to pull so many cars. Powerful stuff, that!
Comment from Pearl Edwards
-I love your story of ole blue, the steam train, extrodinaire and his one last shot of steam and fame. I too think it would make a good childrens book and I wish you luck in that venture, Jim.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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-I love your story of ole blue, the steam train, extrodinaire and his one last shot of steam and fame. I too think it would make a good childrens book and I wish you luck in that venture, Jim.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Thanks so much, valda. We'll see what the publishers think.
Comment from lyenochka
Great storytelling in verse that's perfectly metered! And it tells a good story about heroic self sacrifice about the personified this older tech engine.
I totally agree with you about the prejudice against rhyming poetry!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Great storytelling in verse that's perfectly metered! And it tells a good story about heroic self sacrifice about the personified this older tech engine.
I totally agree with you about the prejudice against rhyming poetry!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Thanks very much, Helen. I've also read that a large part of the prejudice against it is because most submissions of stories in poetry are really bad poetry. But all you have to do is read a stanza or two to determine that and quit reading a submission if it sucks.
That's not a good reason for saying, "no poetry." That's just short-sighted laziness. They could be missing some real gems. Imagine if they'd passed up "Horton Hatches the Egg" or "Green Eggs With Ham" because they rhyme? Idiots!
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I loved Horton Hatches the Egg! I even have it in Russian and the rhyming is really well done!
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That's so cool. If you've got it handy, would you mind typing out a few lines for me?
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Do you read Russian?
They actually advertise it on Amazon.
If you want me to write it in Russian, I'll email you because I don't use the Russian keyboard here but on my phone.
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No, don't bother. I didn't realize the Cyrillic alphabet was so different than ours. I wouldn't be able to read it or pronounce anything. Thanks for offering, though.
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I was curious about what you intended to do with the text if you didn't read Cyrillic. I thought you planned to copy and paste into Google translate and have it read it back to you.
The title says Elephant (Slon) Horton hatches an egg.
Here's what the beginning sounds like transliterated. Russian is a very stressed language so the stress on the right syllable is everything:
LeNIVaya Meizi bzdyKHALa v gnezde
kaKAHya, o BOzhe moi SKOOka!
I NOgi bolYAT i Lomit vezDE
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What an interesting sounding language Russian is! Thanks for the translation.
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Your poem about Ole Blue is a powerful and moving tribute to the once-proud locomotive. The way you describe his transition from a revered workhorse to an obsolete relic of the past is both poignant and evocative. You've successfully captured his initial despair and subsequent redemption with vivid imagery and a compelling narrative.
It's unfortunate that the contest was canceled, but your persistence in reworking the poem for a new format shows your dedication. The feedback about publishers' reluctance towards rhyming books is intriguing; your experience highlights a significant challenge in the industry.
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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Your poem about Ole Blue is a powerful and moving tribute to the once-proud locomotive. The way you describe his transition from a revered workhorse to an obsolete relic of the past is both poignant and evocative. You've successfully captured his initial despair and subsequent redemption with vivid imagery and a compelling narrative.
It's unfortunate that the contest was canceled, but your persistence in reworking the poem for a new format shows your dedication. The feedback about publishers' reluctance towards rhyming books is intriguing; your experience highlights a significant challenge in the industry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Thank you so much, Patty. I appreciate your thoughtful comments greatly.
Yes, I'm very disappointed with publishers who take that prejudicial stance against poetry, mainly because they've received a lot of submissions that don't do it well. But they may be missing some real gems by refusing to even consider it. I mean, how many lines do you have to read before deciding the meter sucks, and then just quit reading the submission. How much time could they possibly have wasted on it.
I think the industry's whole approach to deciding whether to give something a read needs rethinking. If I were a literary agent or publisher who accepts unagented submissions, I would de-emphasize the query and go straight to the manuscript and start by reading some of that. I think you can often tell fairly quickly whether someone can write or not. If it looks like it may be promising, then read the query. But you can waste a lot of time reading a great-sounding query and then quickly discover the author can't write very well.
A children's picture book can be shorter than the query. Just read the darn thing and judge it on that!
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! I didn't realize you were a poet. This is an excellent poem and You may have well have won that contest if it hadn't been canceled. I'm very impressed with this story poem. I wrote a rhyming poem for children too, but like you say they aren't likely looking for those. I think at one time they were very popular. Maybe it could be a song if no one buys is as a book. Good luck.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Wow! I didn't realize you were a poet. This is an excellent poem and You may have well have won that contest if it hadn't been canceled. I'm very impressed with this story poem. I wrote a rhyming poem for children too, but like you say they aren't likely looking for those. I think at one time they were very popular. Maybe it could be a song if no one buys is as a book. Good luck.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Thank you, Beth, and for those 6 stars too. I haven't posted too many poems lately. I used to write a lot more of them in 2023, but I'm more into prose lately. I still dabble in it from time to time, though.
Rhyme and meter have always been important to me, and I even posted an essay here on FanStory called "My Thoughts on Meter in Poetry." It's actually posted as a poem because I thought it would be read by more poets that way than on the prose side. I'm not into writing free verse, although I like to spoof it. I'm not a serious poet, as over 95% of my poems are humor poems.
I've never taken a class in poetry, but it was just stuff I figured out on my own and through a little internet reading.
Comment from royowen
The reason, I believe, they don't want rhyming poetry is because very few can actually write rhyming, rhythmic poetry well, there isn't really a problem in translation, if that was the problem the bible would never have been published outside of Hebrew or Greek, (the Old Testament is considered to be 2/3rds poetry) it's fashionable to write free verse and nothing else, my wife teaches three languages that's how I know, trendsetters aren't the artists, it's the dumb promoters. Blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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The reason, I believe, they don't want rhyming poetry is because very few can actually write rhyming, rhythmic poetry well, there isn't really a problem in translation, if that was the problem the bible would never have been published outside of Hebrew or Greek, (the Old Testament is considered to be 2/3rds poetry) it's fashionable to write free verse and nothing else, my wife teaches three languages that's how I know, trendsetters aren't the artists, it's the dumb promoters. Blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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That's such a shame, though, isn't it? It just shows laziness on their part. All they need to do is read a few lines of a rhyming book to determine if it's any good and quit reading if the meter sucks. But they may be missing some real gems by being so short-sighted, prejudicial, and lazy.
The more I read about the publishing industry and the individuals who run it, the more disgusted I get with them.
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I agree, there's some very pretty accomplished old poets, that wouldn't win contests