Comment from Jacob1395

Excellent

I thought you did an excellent job with the dialogue between Travis and Clint and I thought it was really engaging and well done. It helps to add to the setting as well, and you definitely made me wonder what it was they were talking about. A well written piece, I enjoyed reading it.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2024

Thank you!

Comment from Pamusart

Excellent

Hi,Gunner Lil

I think you should write more chapters, but I also think you need to do a better job at editing. Commas are used for people to pause because sometimes the sentence gets very confusing without commas

It sounds like it was an alien spaceship and aliens were on it and they're able to transport people out away from their ship and have them forget that it was there

I can't imagine what the next chapter would be, but I do encourage you to write it

Here it should be they're

" What do ya think their doing?" Twelve-year-old "

Here everything else is past tense it should be had

" Being high in their tree fort, they have a bird's eye view of the vast field in front of them."

Here. you seem to be missing something. I think why it was in that section

" glasses he hoped to get a clue of what was going on and why in that section of the woods seldom used by anyone."

Here After almost. There are a lot of places where you should have commas and you don't, but I'm not going to document all of those. I'm going to
leave it to you to find them.

" Almost thirty minutes of slow crawling they arrived at the edge of the "

Here. It should be colored

The men wore different color clothing much like a "

Here it should be hugged

" who were now hugger the ground and holding their breath, praying not to be seen."

I enjoyed reading your book chapter

Good job. Thank you for sharing.

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 Comment Written 02-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024

Thank you!

Comment from SimianSavant

Excellent

You have an intriguing story on the works. Looking forward to the next installment! Here are some notes on spelling & grammar.

There is no need to do indenting when you have double line breaks. You can do it if you want, but if you publish this in any format later, it may cause you some issues.

"What do ya think they're doing?" <= they're

they have a bird's eye view <= had

brambles bushes <= bramble

looked to be at home. <= you mean A home?

.Using a <= needs a space after the period

left to right movement <= left-to-right. When you are using these together as an adjective, they need to be joined this way.

the spy- glasses <= spyglasses, and add a comma after it

dad didn't say <= Dad (it is not just anyone's dad, but theirs, so it's a proper noun and needs to be capitalized)

Traves <= Travis

make his way down from the tree fort <= comma here

and be hidden by all the weeds and bushes. <= missing end quote

Clint <=comma
not happy with the plan <= comma

those guys are adults and you know <= run-on sentence. Change to "..those guys are adults. You know.."

jumped down from the fort <= comma

doing crap like that," Travis said <= comma

AFTER => almost thirty minutes of slow crawling <= comma

different color clothing <= comma

The boys laid on their bellies as they watched the men work <= comma

who were now hugger <= hugging?

**Note: the break and the blackout timing you have here is really good**

Pulling up his trouser leg <= comma

I most of gotten bit. <= must have

There is more you could clean up but these are the most obvious and easy things to fix, and should get you started. Please message me back after you correct these and I will bump this rating up a star.

Thanks for the read,

🦍

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 Comment Written 02-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024

Thank you!