Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi John,

This is a fun little piece and comes across very well. great day.

A couple bits & pieces but very minor-

Skies are blue, not a cloud in site. - should be sight?

bogie-board surfing, - I think it may be boogie-board...

and brought her home for lunch (my wife works 3/4 of a mile from home),- should probably be a period at the end here rather than a comma.

Ages appeared from five to eight and they were sister - sisters?

so he wouldn't get to far in front. - too far.

My kind said stop but my heart told me to go for it. - My mind?

All the best
G

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2024

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

Love your story - and you made beautiful memories for both of you. They are exhausting, but fun, and I am sure you slept well that night, and could relax at work the next day! Lol. Nice one.
Wendy

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2024

Comment from iDri.Luv.Jesus

Excellent

I like how your opening started. The story line is not boring; especially, the bagels talk - super yum! I used to operate a bagel shop, and the bakery aroma was to died for! Nothing is more fun than taking a day off from work, and congrats to it.

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 Comment Written 18-Jul-2024

Comment from Marilyn Hamilton

Excellent

Oh how I loved this story. I feel like I was right there with you. What a perfect day that Jackson will treasure forever. He is lucky to have an active, attentive Poppa because it is a blessing that so many kids do not. Thanks for sharing.

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 Comment Written 18-Jul-2024