The Walk
Never underestimate the power of the elderly.33 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really enjoyed reading this story. It's very well written. I suggest you review the rules for writing dialogue.
"Eileen, the sun is out. I am off for a walk. Do you want to come?"
"No thanks. Take it easy and watch your step. It will be slippery after the rain. Also there have been reports in the local paper that some youths are harassing people near the shopping center."
"Not a problem. See you soon." (each person's dialogue gets it's own paragraph and the same for the rest of the dialogue)
The taller boy questioned.
"What do you think you are up to pop? There is a price if you want to sit down." (questioned, & then move the dialogue up)
Ken looked them both up and down, before replying.
"So you are going to pay me are you?" (replying, & and then move the dialogue up & comma after 'me,')
He spoke slowly and softly.
"I want your wallet old man. If you don't hand it over, you will not be walking home" (softly, & then move the dialogue closer)
After what seemed an eternity, Ken spoke.
"Perhaps you had better pick your mate up. Its time I continued my walk." (spoke, & move the dialogue closer)
Upon entering the front door, Eileen questioned him.
"How was the walk. No trouble with those boys they have been talking about?" (him, & move the dialogue closer & then walk? &
Ken smiled and replied.
"Not a bit." (replied, & move the dialogue closer)
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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I really enjoyed reading this story. It's very well written. I suggest you review the rules for writing dialogue.
"Eileen, the sun is out. I am off for a walk. Do you want to come?"
"No thanks. Take it easy and watch your step. It will be slippery after the rain. Also there have been reports in the local paper that some youths are harassing people near the shopping center."
"Not a problem. See you soon." (each person's dialogue gets it's own paragraph and the same for the rest of the dialogue)
The taller boy questioned.
"What do you think you are up to pop? There is a price if you want to sit down." (questioned, & then move the dialogue up)
Ken looked them both up and down, before replying.
"So you are going to pay me are you?" (replying, & and then move the dialogue up & comma after 'me,')
He spoke slowly and softly.
"I want your wallet old man. If you don't hand it over, you will not be walking home" (softly, & then move the dialogue closer)
After what seemed an eternity, Ken spoke.
"Perhaps you had better pick your mate up. Its time I continued my walk." (spoke, & move the dialogue closer)
Upon entering the front door, Eileen questioned him.
"How was the walk. No trouble with those boys they have been talking about?" (him, & move the dialogue closer & then walk? &
Ken smiled and replied.
"Not a bit." (replied, & move the dialogue closer)
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Barbara,
Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed the read.
Also, your assistance as to the dialogue, is fantastic. I will analyze it more closely and implement your suggestions.
Please take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Barry
I'm not sure about Australia, or the British empire, but lots of cultures, supposedly more primitive than we are take care of their elderly.
The elderly person is kept and cherished in the home, and everybody depends on his wisdom.
It's too bad we can't be that primitive
Still, if I were Ken, I would be worried about retaliation
Here did you mean pried open?
"The sun prized open the clouds and that was enough for Ken to announce"
I believe it is spelled license
"A chance to exercise, gave him licence to"
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Hi, Barry
I'm not sure about Australia, or the British empire, but lots of cultures, supposedly more primitive than we are take care of their elderly.
The elderly person is kept and cherished in the home, and everybody depends on his wisdom.
It's too bad we can't be that primitive
Still, if I were Ken, I would be worried about retaliation
Here did you mean pried open?
"The sun prized open the clouds and that was enough for Ken to announce"
I believe it is spelled license
"A chance to exercise, gave him licence to"
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Thanks so much for your review. Yes, at times I think we are more primitive than the so-called primitives especially when it comes to the aged care arena.
Also ,the use of the word prized is unusual, but is the correct spelling and grammatical use. Thanks for raising it though.
I will double check on the Licence or license issue.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from joann r romei
Wow, he must have still been strong, I would have loved to see that, lol. Unfortunately that isn't the case with most people who are confronted with danger, great story,
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Wow, he must have still been strong, I would have loved to see that, lol. Unfortunately that isn't the case with most people who are confronted with danger, great story,
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Yes, he was and very fit for his age. Ken,(not his real name) became a local hero after the event.
Thanks so much for the six -star review. So glad you enjoyed the read.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Esther Brown
Ahhhh...the glory days. My hubby was a muscular logger when we had our shot gun wedding. When he was training for MMI (fix Harleys) he was challenged if he could pick up a engine of a Sporty and carry it to his truck he could have it. He did pick it up...Now we are two round happy old people. He is 10 years younger but my health is better so it all evens out. Esther
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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Ahhhh...the glory days. My hubby was a muscular logger when we had our shot gun wedding. When he was training for MMI (fix Harleys) he was challenged if he could pick up a engine of a Sporty and carry it to his truck he could have it. He did pick it up...Now we are two round happy old people. He is 10 years younger but my health is better so it all evens out. Esther
Comment Written 04-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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Esther,
I had a laugh in respect to your husband's feat of strength. It would have been so good to see the faces of those who challenged him. What a win for him. Anyway, thanks for your review. It is totally appreciated and unexpected.
Take Care
Barry Penfold.
Comment from EeanBlack
That was my dad. He boxed for nine years. As an old man he taught that boy(me) a lesson. I will never forget it. It's called respect. I was 50 pounds heavier than he was. He hit 50 times harder. I'm just glad we had the gloves on. Man!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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That was my dad. He boxed for nine years. As an old man he taught that boy(me) a lesson. I will never forget it. It's called respect. I was 50 pounds heavier than he was. He hit 50 times harder. I'm just glad we had the gloves on. Man!
Comment Written 04-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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Thanks so much for your review. Yes, respect is the magic word here and your dad was obviously a man of the world. Glad you had the chance to have a lesson such as this. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from LJbutterfly
The best man won. The younger man, who underestimated his elder, got what he deserved. As a senior, I dou nd this to be a feel good story that I truly enjoyed. Thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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The best man won. The younger man, who underestimated his elder, got what he deserved. As a senior, I dou nd this to be a feel good story that I truly enjoyed. Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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Thanks for the review. I am glad you enjoyed the read. Yes, the best man won for sure. Ken, became a local hero after the event. As far as I know the boys never harassed the chopping center folk again. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a good story and I'm glad to know it is based on an actual effent. Being a older person myself, I love when the elderly prove they aren't at the mercy fo the young/
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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This is a good story and I'm glad to know it is based on an actual effent. Being a older person myself, I love when the elderly prove they aren't at the mercy fo the young/
Comment Written 04-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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Beth,
Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed it. Yes, Ken went onto be a local hero after the event. One for the oldies. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry
Comment from Thesis
HA! One for the old guys. I enjoyed this post. Somehow, the young Turks do not understand what their elders have gone through. None of us are intimidated by their actions, they should be wary of us.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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HA! One for the old guys. I enjoyed this post. Somehow, the young Turks do not understand what their elders have gone through. None of us are intimidated by their actions, they should be wary of us.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2024
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Thanks for the review. Yes, one for the old guys lol. Ken ( not his real name) was a local community hero after this event. Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Paul McFarland
That's a really good story, Barry. I'm eighty, and I know just how Ken feels. I hope I don't run into a situation like he did. You referred to him as Keith once. Was that intentional?
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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That's a really good story, Barry. I'm eighty, and I know just how Ken feels. I hope I don't run into a situation like he did. You referred to him as Keith once. Was that intentional?
Comment Written 03-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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Thanks Paul, for the review. Also ,thanks for picking up the error. It was not intentional, but it is the real name of the hero. As I said within my commentary, this story is based on real events. Glad you liked it. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers.
Barry.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a beautifully composed story that you have presented us with and I enjoyed very much listening to it. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. I also wish you a very good month and may God bless you. Patricia .
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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This is a beautifully composed story that you have presented us with and I enjoyed very much listening to it. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. I also wish you a very good month and may God bless you. Patricia .
Comment Written 03-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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Thanks for the review. Much appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it and I can assure you this is based on true events. Ken became the new community hero.
Take care and all the best to you for the month and onward.
Regards
Barry Penfold.