Breathe My Last
A poem26 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You can get free pictures. signs. and cartoons from Pinterest, Google. Bing, and others. Just mention them in the authors notes.
They improve the writing and catch the eye. This was a good poem. Karen
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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You can get free pictures. signs. and cartoons from Pinterest, Google. Bing, and others. Just mention them in the authors notes.
They improve the writing and catch the eye. This was a good poem. Karen
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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Thank you
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:-)
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello!
The main interpretation I have of this is simply acceptance -- with a little regret and wisdom thrown in for good measure. It is a curious effect of aging that we tend to see death with less fear as we get older.
I found it interesting that every line ends with a period, even though some of the sentences are fragments. I'm not sure I get the significance of this, but I did notice the pattern. It does enhance the rhythm, though, as each line acts as a declarative statement.
And speaking of rhythm, that is my only recommendation for improvement. Each line has a differing number of syllables, and when this is matched with the necessary regularity of the couplet rhyme-scheme, it trips up the reader.
For instance, there are (10) syllables in Line 9. Line 10 has (15). That is an entire half-line of extra syllables before we get to the end-rhyme to match the line above.
Please accept my observations in the spirit they are intended, to do what I can to help you grow in your art and craft.
Patrick
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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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Hello!
The main interpretation I have of this is simply acceptance -- with a little regret and wisdom thrown in for good measure. It is a curious effect of aging that we tend to see death with less fear as we get older.
I found it interesting that every line ends with a period, even though some of the sentences are fragments. I'm not sure I get the significance of this, but I did notice the pattern. It does enhance the rhythm, though, as each line acts as a declarative statement.
And speaking of rhythm, that is my only recommendation for improvement. Each line has a differing number of syllables, and when this is matched with the necessary regularity of the couplet rhyme-scheme, it trips up the reader.
For instance, there are (10) syllables in Line 9. Line 10 has (15). That is an entire half-line of extra syllables before we get to the end-rhyme to match the line above.
Please accept my observations in the spirit they are intended, to do what I can to help you grow in your art and craft.
Patrick
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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Thank you
Comment from royowen
I think scripture describes it as not dying, but, in my words, transitioning, scripture says, O death, where is thy sting? And, oh grave where is your victory? I love the thought of this, Some one once said, I'm not afraid of death, but I'm not looking forward to the process, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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I think scripture describes it as not dying, but, in my words, transitioning, scripture says, O death, where is thy sting? And, oh grave where is your victory? I love the thought of this, Some one once said, I'm not afraid of death, but I'm not looking forward to the process, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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Thank you
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Welcome
Comment from pome lover
well, if you are ill and awaiting your last breath, I am very sorry.
If this is fiction, which it doesn't say at the top that it is, it's pretty sad and fatalistic. At any rate, you sound rather content, thinking about it, so maybe it is true. One thing, for sure, who wouldn't want at least something they did in their lifetime deleted? So, I'd just like to say, good luck!
Katharine
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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well, if you are ill and awaiting your last breath, I am very sorry.
If this is fiction, which it doesn't say at the top that it is, it's pretty sad and fatalistic. At any rate, you sound rather content, thinking about it, so maybe it is true. One thing, for sure, who wouldn't want at least something they did in their lifetime deleted? So, I'd just like to say, good luck!
Katharine
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2024
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It's fiction thank you
Comment from jessizero
This is definitely a different way of thinking of things. Most people dread their final breaths. I like that you are not afraid of death, and I liked your rhymes. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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This is definitely a different way of thinking of things. Most people dread their final breaths. I like that you are not afraid of death, and I liked your rhymes. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, so powerful and well said. Death is not the end is just the beginning of a new journey with new possibilities.Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Wow, so powerful and well said. Death is not the end is just the beginning of a new journey with new possibilities.Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you very much
