Sun, Sea And...
Surely it is noisier than normal26 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
How to write a quite chilling story in 50 words? You seem to have nailed it with excellent momentum both in your image and fiction. The font could be bigger and bolder, though, to match the urgency of the situation. But this is excellent and a strong contender! Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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How to write a quite chilling story in 50 words? You seem to have nailed it with excellent momentum both in your image and fiction. The font could be bigger and bolder, though, to match the urgency of the situation. But this is excellent and a strong contender! Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much. I'll be sure to use a bigger font size in future.
Comment from Bill Schott
This 50-word story, Sun, Sea, and..., has the proper word count and reminds the avid sea lovers that there are teeth in the reef and sharks off the park's shore.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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This 50-word story, Sun, Sea, and..., has the proper word count and reminds the avid sea lovers that there are teeth in the reef and sharks off the park's shore.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thanks.
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a good story told with rising tension, mystery, and a good reveal at the end, all within 50 short words!
You have a few punctuation issues:
There are screams and shouts at the water's edge; surely more than the usual high spirits.
(A semicolon is used to separate independent clauses [complete sentences]. You have a dependent clause here in the second half, so you need to use a comma instead. If you prefer to use a semicolon, then add a verb to make it independent. For example: ...surely they were more than...)
People are running; not towards the sea
(Same deal here)
sharks teeth
(shark's or sharks' teeth [depending on if it was one shark or more than one])
Best of luck!
Julie
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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This is a good story told with rising tension, mystery, and a good reveal at the end, all within 50 short words!
You have a few punctuation issues:
There are screams and shouts at the water's edge; surely more than the usual high spirits.
(A semicolon is used to separate independent clauses [complete sentences]. You have a dependent clause here in the second half, so you need to use a comma instead. If you prefer to use a semicolon, then add a verb to make it independent. For example: ...surely they were more than...)
People are running; not towards the sea
(Same deal here)
sharks teeth
(shark's or sharks' teeth [depending on if it was one shark or more than one])
Best of luck!
Julie
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thanks.
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine poem, Hull....A severed, bitten off limb or two can quickly end a relaxing day at the beach. Funny how that works! Be sure you bring the shark repent along with sun block!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Another fine poem, Hull....A severed, bitten off limb or two can quickly end a relaxing day at the beach. Funny how that works! Be sure you bring the shark repent along with sun block!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Mike.
Comment from jessizero
I think you did a great job telling a complete story in 50 words! I was wondering what was happening until the reveal at the end. Well done! Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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I think you did a great job telling a complete story in 50 words! I was wondering what was happening until the reveal at the end. Well done! Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought with so few words you shared a good story. The scene you've described paints a picture of panic at the water's edge. I like how you have the contrast between the hot weather and people fleeing from the sea - shows that something terrible has occurred. Like how you make it clear with the last paragraph. Great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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I thought with so few words you shared a good story. The scene you've described paints a picture of panic at the water's edge. I like how you have the contrast between the hot weather and people fleeing from the sea - shows that something terrible has occurred. Like how you make it clear with the last paragraph. Great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Thank you!
