The Second Chapter
The Story of a Storyteller26 total reviews
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This was a lovely inspirational story about the daughter of a couple who loved each other dearly and who brought up their daughter with strong beliefs about life and death. The daughter gave much joy to the couple and the church which was a fundamental part of their lives.
I noticed a few typos where you used the word, an, instead of a, but otherwise, this was not filled with typos.
I might suggest you trim the content of this tale to encourage the reader to stay interested in the story.
Also, I would suggest adding more flavor to the piece for example telling us more about the other parts of the daughter's childhood and what led up to her passing away.
The true story was heartbreaking and yet inspirational which is an excellent way of sharing your writing skills with others.
Keep writing and I hope the other reviewers can help you improve this already good story.
Jesse
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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This was a lovely inspirational story about the daughter of a couple who loved each other dearly and who brought up their daughter with strong beliefs about life and death. The daughter gave much joy to the couple and the church which was a fundamental part of their lives.
I noticed a few typos where you used the word, an, instead of a, but otherwise, this was not filled with typos.
I might suggest you trim the content of this tale to encourage the reader to stay interested in the story.
Also, I would suggest adding more flavor to the piece for example telling us more about the other parts of the daughter's childhood and what led up to her passing away.
The true story was heartbreaking and yet inspirational which is an excellent way of sharing your writing skills with others.
Keep writing and I hope the other reviewers can help you improve this already good story.
Jesse
Comment Written 31-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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Jesse, you are a lifesaver! Thank you! Your comments and suggestions were invaluable. I have gone back and edited the areas you mentioned. How did I miss them?!
Some of your suggestions will also be added when i prepare this to be a longer story. Again, Jesse, thank you! -Bill Stephenson
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You're welcome, Bill.
Glad I could help.
Jesse
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a story told from the heart. Its simplicity makes it outstanding - no artifices, great kindness in the people described. one sentence has a problem with grammar:
We're nnearly sobbing and everyone around us feel so helpless." > We're nearly sobbing and everyone around us SOMETHING MISSING HERE, MAYBE 'MAKES US' feel so helpless."
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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This is a story told from the heart. Its simplicity makes it outstanding - no artifices, great kindness in the people described. one sentence has a problem with grammar:
We're nnearly sobbing and everyone around us feel so helpless." > We're nearly sobbing and everyone around us SOMETHING MISSING HERE, MAYBE 'MAKES US' feel so helpless."
Comment Written 31-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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Katherine, thank you. You and others have been so helpful in pointing out areas needing editing. I think now it's a six and thank you for that as well. If you get a chance, review the area of your concern and did I make the needed correction? -Bioo
Comment from Wendy G
A beautiful story of faith triumphing over grief and loss, and another example where He brings blessing out of a very hard experience. Edit: We're nnearly (nearly) sobbing and everyone around us feel (feels) so helpless."
Wendy
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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A beautiful story of faith triumphing over grief and loss, and another example where He brings blessing out of a very hard experience. Edit: We're nnearly (nearly) sobbing and everyone around us feel (feels) so helpless."
Wendy
Comment Written 31-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Wendy. I made the correction as well as others. -Bill
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a sad and touching story and I am glad you were there to help this family overcome their grief at such a tragic loss. I cannot imagine how it must feel to lose a child and be powerless to do anything about it. A fine post, thank you for sharing this tragic story with us, love Dolly x x x
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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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This is a sad and touching story and I am glad you were there to help this family overcome their grief at such a tragic loss. I cannot imagine how it must feel to lose a child and be powerless to do anything about it. A fine post, thank you for sharing this tragic story with us, love Dolly x x x
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Comment Written 31-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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Thank you, Dolly, for your review. -Bill
Comment from royowen
A wonderful story Bill, an anecdote that Is what we all share who believe. I have two children an now five grandchildren all so very precious, all full of the hope that there is also manned by the invisible church, at least to our natural sight, but if we look through our eyes of faith, (Ephesians 2::6-9) we would be seated in heavenly places with them, hearing stories of hope, well done, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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A wonderful story Bill, an anecdote that Is what we all share who believe. I have two children an now five grandchildren all so very precious, all full of the hope that there is also manned by the invisible church, at least to our natural sight, but if we look through our eyes of faith, (Ephesians 2::6-9) we would be seated in heavenly places with them, hearing stories of hope, well done, blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Roy. As I was writing this I had you and a few others that I knew had family and faith.
-Bill
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Bless you Bill
Comment from Teri7
Bill, This is a very wonderful and great story you have penned. You used great descriptive and lovely heartfelt words. It was sad, but also joyful. Thank you for sharing my friend. blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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Bill, This is a very wonderful and great story you have penned. You used great descriptive and lovely heartfelt words. It was sad, but also joyful. Thank you for sharing my friend. blessings, Teri
Comment Written 31-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Teri. I knew you would be one of the first. But, six. A special thanks, Teri.
Bill
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you are so welcome. I am so happy to see you back on here my friend!
