Life, Death, Up, Down
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "painsacreepin'"short stories
26 total reviews
Comment from John Ciarmello
You've written a fine story, Jim.
It was an enjoyable read and I hope you carry on with the saga. The idea has great potential.
One little spag: At one point in the story you referred to Suzy as Katie.
Great story line! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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You've written a fine story, Jim.
It was an enjoyable read and I hope you carry on with the saga. The idea has great potential.
One little spag: At one point in the story you referred to Suzy as Katie.
Great story line! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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I was afraid someone would catch that. I re-edited the story. I was playing with different names and somehow missed that the first time. Thanks!
Comment from BethShelby
It is a well written story Jim but it seems to have a lot of loose ends. Since it is fiction it needs to focus on a point without putting unconnectedf things in. The child is known to the police but when the ex comedian spends the day doing things with her is put in jail. We never know where the child belongs or why she can't talk. He almost gets the job he thinks he warts, but The interview is canceled because he has the child with him. I don't understand why this isn't bought to some kigucak conclusion. Maybe the whole point is life can go off in any direcfing and it doen'st really make sense.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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It is a well written story Jim but it seems to have a lot of loose ends. Since it is fiction it needs to focus on a point without putting unconnectedf things in. The child is known to the police but when the ex comedian spends the day doing things with her is put in jail. We never know where the child belongs or why she can't talk. He almost gets the job he thinks he warts, but The interview is canceled because he has the child with him. I don't understand why this isn't bought to some kigucak conclusion. Maybe the whole point is life can go off in any direcfing and it doen'st really make sense.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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I realize a lot of those elements, but I don't like to write stories with neatly tied up ends all the time. I studied under a great TV writer whose series portrayed human characters and their plight, and those stories rarely had a Hollywood ending. Of course, the show is considered a cult classic, remembered by those who saw it long ago, and did not last long on the air. i like to highlight the human situation and this man was depressed and grieving and people in that condition don't always make the right decisions.
Comment from Baltimore Born
This is a very good story. From your friend dying to the encounter with the girl, this story drew my attention. Very good description throughout the story. I have a small question about the second paragraph you wrote stasbbing, did you mean stabbings? Otherwise, very entertaining story.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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This is a very good story. From your friend dying to the encounter with the girl, this story drew my attention. Very good description throughout the story. I have a small question about the second paragraph you wrote stasbbing, did you mean stabbings? Otherwise, very entertaining story.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. There WAS a typo on that word. I saw it immediately, corrected it, but the correction didn't go through. I finally was able to edit it correctly.
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You're very welcome.
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I appreciate your kindness in reviewing.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Teri7
Jim, This was a very interesting and well written story. I could see that little girl as I read each word. I happen to love Mariah Carey. That song she is singing is a tear jerker! Thank you for sharing this six star story my friend! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Jim, This was a very interesting and well written story. I could see that little girl as I read each word. I happen to love Mariah Carey. That song she is singing is a tear jerker! Thank you for sharing this six star story my friend! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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You see, I wrote this just for you! Thanks for your kind words!
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Aw thank you! As I was listening and reading, I sure did feel that way! Blessings, Teri
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I'll try to write more for your liking!
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I always enjoy your work Jim! Just keep on writing. That makes me happy my friend. I am just slow at times due to the MS, but I will make it!
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It seems we all have our cross to bear, but God is still great! I'm thankful He led me to writers and reviewers like you!
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is a serious story about human nature, loss, and consequences. For some reason and because his own pain and loss, your main character did not think that someone might be looking for Suzie, their mute child. Very thought provoking. My oldest brother died of pancreatic cancer. Thank you for sharing your excellent writing!!
One note:
You wrote Katie when possibly you meant to write Suzy.
Best wishes to you my Friend,
Alexan :)
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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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This is a serious story about human nature, loss, and consequences. For some reason and because his own pain and loss, your main character did not think that someone might be looking for Suzie, their mute child. Very thought provoking. My oldest brother died of pancreatic cancer. Thank you for sharing your excellent writing!!
One note:
You wrote Katie when possibly you meant to write Suzy.
Best wishes to you my Friend,
Alexan :)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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I have known many who also died of that terrible disease. When you are lonely and grieved, as the main character, you do not always make the right decisions.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
He was a dimwit. She was obviously lost and scared.
He should have turned her in to the police. Or called them. He could have told the truth. And, when the interpreter comes, he will be released. Karen
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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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He was a dimwit. She was obviously lost and scared.
He should have turned her in to the police. Or called them. He could have told the truth. And, when the interpreter comes, he will be released. Karen
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Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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You're right. Not all my characters make the right decisions. That's part of our human condition. Sometimes loneliness trumps common sense.
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I know that to be true. Some of mine have a tendency to go a bit overboard at times! haha
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I studied under the head writer of the best TV series ever, "East Side/West Side" with George C. Scott as a social worker. I learned the importance of writing about the human condition. In our lives, there is rqrely a neatly wrapped up old Hollywood-style ending. People make mistakes, some very innocently, but still end up paying for them.
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This is true. Karen
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I try not to always write material that will bring discouragement to others. I'd rather praise God. When I write something like this story, I try to make it clear through the actions or narrative that this individual has made some bad decisions.
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Have a good week, and stay well please. Karen
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Same to you. I can't imagine this site without you!
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You don't have too. Here I am .
Did I give you my email? As much as you write email would be easier. Karen
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Yes, I will try e-mail. And I'd also love to her from you asnytime!
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Nice hat. I will check my email more often. I forget about email when I am on here. Email has more privacy anyhoo. And, if one of us ever left FanStory we could still stay in touch. :-) Karen
