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Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The Evil in the Window"A Flash Fiction Collection
30 total reviews
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I knew it at the beginning that the little kid was lying. I know you and your story so well. But it's a good story and you are showing the other kind of truth that people don't usually notice.
Excellent.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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I knew it at the beginning that the little kid was lying. I know you and your story so well. But it's a good story and you are showing the other kind of truth that people don't usually notice.
Excellent.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much. I appreciate the awesome review.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Absolutely brilliant, Lance, in conception and presentation.
Your story moves seamlessly from beginning to end.
The guilt your protagonist feels is palatable.
One tiny nit:
I don't get therapy anymore. The costs were too high. After we lost the house, Mom and I moved to Nebraska to live on my grandparent's (grandparents') farm.
Thank you for sharing, Lance.
diane
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Absolutely brilliant, Lance, in conception and presentation.
Your story moves seamlessly from beginning to end.
The guilt your protagonist feels is palatable.
One tiny nit:
I don't get therapy anymore. The costs were too high. After we lost the house, Mom and I moved to Nebraska to live on my grandparent's (grandparents') farm.
Thank you for sharing, Lance.
diane
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much, Diane.
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My pleasure.
Exceptional work, Lance.
Comment from damommy
Whoa! This child ruined her father's life over a simple lie that should never have been told. Maybe if she'd spoken up, he would have got a lesser sentence. While everyone wants to protect their child, sometimes it's best to ask questions first. She certainly created her own hell.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Whoa! This child ruined her father's life over a simple lie that should never have been told. Maybe if she'd spoken up, he would have got a lesser sentence. While everyone wants to protect their child, sometimes it's best to ask questions first. She certainly created her own hell.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much. Yes, don't we all create our own hell to some extent.
Comment from Jamison Brown
This is excellent work, Lance. The story is engaging, well written, and well told. For me, it checks all the boxes for a highly-rated flash story.
While it was slightly predictable in spots, it was not enough to really matter. I was engaged all the way and waiting for the twist.
Kudos! I think this is one of your best! Take care. - Jamison
Check this: "Dad straddled him and kept pinching (> punching)"
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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This is excellent work, Lance. The story is engaging, well written, and well told. For me, it checks all the boxes for a highly-rated flash story.
While it was slightly predictable in spots, it was not enough to really matter. I was engaged all the way and waiting for the twist.
Kudos! I think this is one of your best! Take care. - Jamison
Check this: "Dad straddled him and kept pinching (> punching)"
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much, Jamison. I'm grateful for your sharp eyes too.
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Welcome, Lance. Take care.
Comment from Lisasview
Hi Lancellot,
This is such an upsetting story. And, the ending made it even more upsetting.
Over the years I have seen quite a few movies about children that lie and ruin other peoples lives...
As I am writing this I can still feel the impact of your story... THE LIE...
scary to think such things do happen.
Your story will stay with me for awhile...a long while...
Excellent write... really excellent,
Lisasview
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Hi Lancellot,
This is such an upsetting story. And, the ending made it even more upsetting.
Over the years I have seen quite a few movies about children that lie and ruin other peoples lives...
As I am writing this I can still feel the impact of your story... THE LIE...
scary to think such things do happen.
Your story will stay with me for awhile...a long while...
Excellent write... really excellent,
Lisasview
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much. I wanted to show how a little lie can have a big impact.
Comment from Michele Harber
Ow! What a painful story. I suspected immediately, when the daughter tried to interrupt but couldn't, that the father was beating up the wrong man, but that ending just hung in the air, as I sat there with my mouth hanging open in shock.
I love that you told the whole story, from the incident to the follow-up move to Nebraska, to the foreshadowing of the likely effects of what the father endured in prison. To then bring it back to the beginning, and the little girl's lie, was very powerful, and thoroughly chilling. Great job!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Ow! What a painful story. I suspected immediately, when the daughter tried to interrupt but couldn't, that the father was beating up the wrong man, but that ending just hung in the air, as I sat there with my mouth hanging open in shock.
I love that you told the whole story, from the incident to the follow-up move to Nebraska, to the foreshadowing of the likely effects of what the father endured in prison. To then bring it back to the beginning, and the little girl's lie, was very powerful, and thoroughly chilling. Great job!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Allieas
Wow, this was intense!
It's sad that a father's impulsive eagerness to protect his child led to tragedy, and him effectively removing himself from his child's life. Very compelling story, and the pacing was perfect
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Wow, this was intense!
It's sad that a father's impulsive eagerness to protect his child led to tragedy, and him effectively removing himself from his child's life. Very compelling story, and the pacing was perfect
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Jacob1395
This was a really intense read. I could feel the emotion in the boys father, especially as he was intent on beating up the poor man. I just spotted one typo. You've written, "I've tried to grabbing him." Did you mean to write "I've tried grabbing him?" A well written piece, I enjoyed reading it.
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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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This was a really intense read. I could feel the emotion in the boys father, especially as he was intent on beating up the poor man. I just spotted one typo. You've written, "I've tried to grabbing him." Did you mean to write "I've tried grabbing him?" A well written piece, I enjoyed reading it.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Ulla
Deare, me, this is a great story and a harrowing one. Not only did her dad get to wrong house and beat up the wrong guy, but his little daughter also lied to him from word go. Deare me! So very well written. Ulla:)))
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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Deare, me, this is a great story and a harrowing one. Not only did her dad get to wrong house and beat up the wrong guy, but his little daughter also lied to him from word go. Deare me! So very well written. Ulla:)))
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
WOW!! This leaves an impression after reading. It makes us pause and ponder about the state of our society. The father only wanted to protect his daughter. Of course, he carried it too far. The daughter's lie caused all of this. Thank you for sharing. This is good writing.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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WOW!! This leaves an impression after reading. It makes us pause and ponder about the state of our society. The father only wanted to protect his daughter. Of course, he carried it too far. The daughter's lie caused all of this. Thank you for sharing. This is good writing.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Thank you again, Barbara.