Stories and Poems for the Holidays
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Christmas Present"Holiday musings.
27 total reviews
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Oh, wow! What a GREAT "coming of age" story!! Learning the power of being a female is a very big deal, and you illustrated it beautifully. I loved this story. Well-paced, vivid --as in, I could imagine every single detail of the shop as well as the man who bestowed the gift. I like your writing style very much.
I did have this one thought, though, on the paragraph that includes this sentence: "man...entered, shaking the rain off his coat, which he'd held over his head to block the rain." Because you use the word "rain" twice a little close together, what if you if you substituted the words "like a makeshift umbrella" after "over his head"? It helps to eliminate the department of redundancy department.
Also, in the quote by your mom, I think you meant "You can't take gifts FROM (rather than "for") a man."
I bet this is going to do great in the Christmas story contest!! Good luck!
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Oh, wow! What a GREAT "coming of age" story!! Learning the power of being a female is a very big deal, and you illustrated it beautifully. I loved this story. Well-paced, vivid --as in, I could imagine every single detail of the shop as well as the man who bestowed the gift. I like your writing style very much.
I did have this one thought, though, on the paragraph that includes this sentence: "man...entered, shaking the rain off his coat, which he'd held over his head to block the rain." Because you use the word "rain" twice a little close together, what if you if you substituted the words "like a makeshift umbrella" after "over his head"? It helps to eliminate the department of redundancy department.
Also, in the quote by your mom, I think you meant "You can't take gifts FROM (rather than "for") a man."
I bet this is going to do great in the Christmas story contest!! Good luck!
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you Rachelle, Your suggestion is great and I've changed it to reflect that. I always appreciate all the help I can get.
I so glad you liked my story.
Beth
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You're great that way; that's why I didn't hesitate. There are others on this site who are above any kind of comments of that ilk. xo
Comment from lyenochka
I remember the story about meeting your future husband there! I see why you emphasized the fact that neither your aunt or uncle were married as they wouldn't know what to do. Your mom didn't want you to accept gifts from strangers who might had expectations but that wasn't the case here. A great story of giving the gift of companionship and conversation during Christmas. Hope this does well in the contest!
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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I remember the story about meeting your future husband there! I see why you emphasized the fact that neither your aunt or uncle were married as they wouldn't know what to do. Your mom didn't want you to accept gifts from strangers who might had expectations but that wasn't the case here. A great story of giving the gift of companionship and conversation during Christmas. Hope this does well in the contest!
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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Thank you Helen. I'm glad you liked my story. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Charistmas.
Beth
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Thank you, Beth! Blessings to you and your family! 💞🙏🎵🎄💖
Comment from JSD
A lovely story, Beth, beautifully written, with a lesson for life within it and an effective sense of a maturing young lady. Great entry for the contest. Well done and good luck with this.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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A lovely story, Beth, beautifully written, with a lesson for life within it and an effective sense of a maturing young lady. Great entry for the contest. Well done and good luck with this.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you for a great review. I'm so glad you like my story.
Beth
Comment from Ben Colder
oUT OF SIX FOR NOW. Ilike this story places like you speak of makes me remember the days of school and sandwich shops. J.J. Newberry had a SODA COUNTER. good ONE, Beth.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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oUT OF SIX FOR NOW. Ilike this story places like you speak of makes me remember the days of school and sandwich shops. J.J. Newberry had a SODA COUNTER. good ONE, Beth.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you for the review. I memories of so many things that no longer exist but I do enjoy thinking about them.
Beth
Comment from patcelaw
This is a delightful story, and I enjoyed it very much. At least you had a mother who cared. And that was important for you, even though you didn't realize it at the time. I had a mother that didn't care. She didn't care as long as I did, the work around the house, I could do whatever I wanted to do and it cost me dearly.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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This is a delightful story, and I enjoyed it very much. At least you had a mother who cared. And that was important for you, even though you didn't realize it at the time. I had a mother that didn't care. She didn't care as long as I did, the work around the house, I could do whatever I wanted to do and it cost me dearly.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you Pat. My mother sometimes over-reacted but she did care.
I'm glad you liked it.
Beth
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this Christmas contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading. I believe your mom overreacted, slightly, but she was protecting you, which mom's do. Good luck with the contest.
all about the man until the next day. (the following day)
She'd
never had a man in her life, other than family, and she didn't understand them. (spacing issue)
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reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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Thank you for sharing this Christmas contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading. I believe your mom overreacted, slightly, but she was protecting you, which mom's do. Good luck with the contest.
all about the man until the next day. (the following day)
She'd
never had a man in her life, other than family, and she didn't understand them. (spacing issue)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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That you Barbara. You are right about my mother. Her greatest flaw was her tendancy to overreact.
Beth
Comment from Tom Horonzy
So let me get this straight. You were 14 in '52 which means you are now ...
ahem ... older than me at eighty-five. I take it this is a fiction story, right?
Merry Christmas.
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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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So let me get this straight. You were 14 in '52 which means you are now ...
ahem ... older than me at eighty-five. I take it this is a fiction story, right?
Merry Christmas.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Yes, I'm a very young 86 but you aren't supposed to play detective with the numbers. It's impolite. LOL
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Ouch
No I?ll intent intended
My bad
Sorry.
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lol You're forgiven brother Tom.