Losing Myself
To discover yourself, you must first lose yourself28 total reviews
Comment from Lisasview
A huge mixture of thoughts but the end seems good, because finding your true self is so very important... No one can take that away from you.
Enjoyed the read,
Lisasview, now living in Spain
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
  |
A huge mixture of thoughts but the end seems good, because finding your true self is so very important... No one can take that away from you.
Enjoyed the read,
Lisasview, now living in Spain
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
-
Thanks.
-
You are welcome,
Lisasview
Comment from Janis M.
I can see this as a very heart felt poem with very raw emotions and so I am only commenting on the specific artistry and technicality of the poem and not anything on your life or what you have gone through.
There is clearly an internal battle with the narrator, spiritual in many ways, which clashes against some of the language that is used which may or may not be intentional or just a reflection of the state of mind.
Some of the vulgarity does not produce the visceral reaction to emphasize the narrators feelings but rather is more distraction from the heart of the poem.
There is a lot of unique analogies and very few common ones to express the narrators emotions.
The poem moves fairly quickly in short syllable meter and rhymes but at the same time does seem a bit long and might tire the reader and lose their focus. Would consider shortening it in areas where emotions or ideas are possibly repeated and aren't bringing a new thought or image.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
 |
I can see this as a very heart felt poem with very raw emotions and so I am only commenting on the specific artistry and technicality of the poem and not anything on your life or what you have gone through.
There is clearly an internal battle with the narrator, spiritual in many ways, which clashes against some of the language that is used which may or may not be intentional or just a reflection of the state of mind.
Some of the vulgarity does not produce the visceral reaction to emphasize the narrators feelings but rather is more distraction from the heart of the poem.
There is a lot of unique analogies and very few common ones to express the narrators emotions.
The poem moves fairly quickly in short syllable meter and rhymes but at the same time does seem a bit long and might tire the reader and lose their focus. Would consider shortening it in areas where emotions or ideas are possibly repeated and aren't bringing a new thought or image.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
-
Thanks for your feedback.
Comment from Jacob1395
This is quite a powerful piece, with strong images as you detail how addiction can change a person, and change the way they think, and you get inside their head so well. A really well written piece.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
|
This is quite a powerful piece, with strong images as you detail how addiction can change a person, and change the way they think, and you get inside their head so well. A really well written piece.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
-
Thank you so much.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This confessional poem is filled with dark, self-deprecating thoughts of depression and lack of purpose. It strikes at the heart of the reader because there is simply no respite from your pain and addictive thoughts. I hope, however, that your writing gives you some outlet and release because you certainly have an excellent skill in expressing these powerful emotions which is the first stage, perhaps, in getting the help you need. As for the poem, ideally I would wish to see it broken up (and slightly shortened) into stanzas with the text slightly closer together to give shape readability and maximum impact to it. So much can be said sometimes in less and I think your last two lines are superb in their poignancy and succinctness. A perfectly conclusive ending. Take care, Charity. Debbie x
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
|
This confessional poem is filled with dark, self-deprecating thoughts of depression and lack of purpose. It strikes at the heart of the reader because there is simply no respite from your pain and addictive thoughts. I hope, however, that your writing gives you some outlet and release because you certainly have an excellent skill in expressing these powerful emotions which is the first stage, perhaps, in getting the help you need. As for the poem, ideally I would wish to see it broken up (and slightly shortened) into stanzas with the text slightly closer together to give shape readability and maximum impact to it. So much can be said sometimes in less and I think your last two lines are superb in their poignancy and succinctness. A perfectly conclusive ending. Take care, Charity. Debbie x
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
-
Even if you are lost, you can be found!
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Charity,
This poem has a heavy theme of depression and addiction and their effects on life and love. It shows the addiction seems a never ending circle that brings you down no matter how hard you try. At least you recognize the problems and are looking in the mirror and maybe seeing ways to become the person you wanted to be.
I like the long slices of monorhyme that seem to change with topic.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a good day.
Joan
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
|
Hi Charity,
This poem has a heavy theme of depression and addiction and their effects on life and love. It shows the addiction seems a never ending circle that brings you down no matter how hard you try. At least you recognize the problems and are looking in the mirror and maybe seeing ways to become the person you wanted to be.
I like the long slices of monorhyme that seem to change with topic.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a good day.
Joan
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
-
Thank you for your feedback. Happy New year!
-
No problem, Charity,
Joan
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Hello Charity. You express yourself very well. I gather by the last line that you are not happy with yourself and what you have become. Take Hark, and don't let it get you down. You haven't frozen yet and you are far from letting us down. We are your survivors and you are yours as well. Only know that you are the one who must answer to your voice inside yourself.
Jesse
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
|
Hello Charity. You express yourself very well. I gather by the last line that you are not happy with yourself and what you have become. Take Hark, and don't let it get you down. You haven't frozen yet and you are far from letting us down. We are your survivors and you are yours as well. Only know that you are the one who must answer to your voice inside yourself.
Jesse
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
-
Long time! Thank you!
-
Welcome back, my friend.
It is good to read your posts once again.
Comment from Paul McFarland
This is probably the most painful poem that I have seen from you, Charity. You really bother me. I keep thinking that all this stuff is autobiographical. I hope to hell it's not.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
|
This is probably the most painful poem that I have seen from you, Charity. You really bother me. I keep thinking that all this stuff is autobiographical. I hope to hell it's not.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
-
I hope all is well with you. It is but even if you are lost, you can be found! My poems and voice gives hope to the world to let them know they aren't alone! Happy New Year!
Comment from royowen
It's not possible for God to forsake us or leave us, He would become a liar and none of us are, not in my experience, but if you don't believe, then it's really your desire Charity, if you call on my name you will be saved, beautifully written charity. Blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
|
It's not possible for God to forsake us or leave us, He would become a liar and none of us are, not in my experience, but if you don't believe, then it's really your desire Charity, if you call on my name you will be saved, beautifully written charity. Blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
-
Thanks my friend! Happy New Year!
