Night Visitor Unknown
Unknown lady seeks entrance to house at night.28 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A screenplay must be one of the most difficult writes and this has been crafted to perfection! Your impressive attention to detail and great command of dialogue have drawn the reader in from the start, relieved that this scenario is not one that they have to face. Frankly, mug that I am, I think I might well have answered the door. So I'm very grateful that your very pertinent message has been received loud and clear. You certainly know how to introduce the fear factor and then cleverly provide calm and comfort at the end. Faultless. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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A screenplay must be one of the most difficult writes and this has been crafted to perfection! Your impressive attention to detail and great command of dialogue have drawn the reader in from the start, relieved that this scenario is not one that they have to face. Frankly, mug that I am, I think I might well have answered the door. So I'm very grateful that your very pertinent message has been received loud and clear. You certainly know how to introduce the fear factor and then cleverly provide calm and comfort at the end. Faultless. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank Debbie, I really appreciate the great review. I enjoyed reading your comments. I've not written many scripts because they are all of trouble. This actually happened to my daughter and thankfully she didn't open the door. I thrilled with the six stars.
Beth
Comment from Thesis
Beth, this scenario is real and thought-provoking. Luckily, your character Lisa has the sense not to open the door and not fall for what sounded like a fake plea for help when she heard several people walking away from her door. It should give people a heads-up on how to respond if they get a knock on their door in the middle of the night.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Beth, this scenario is real and thought-provoking. Luckily, your character Lisa has the sense not to open the door and not fall for what sounded like a fake plea for help when she heard several people walking away from her door. It should give people a heads-up on how to respond if they get a knock on their door in the middle of the night.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you for the nice review and comments. This actually happened to my daughter. I'm so thankful she was smart enough to not open the door for the girl.
Beth
Comment from Ric Myworld
Wow, I don't normally read screenplays, but I'm certainly glad I didn't miss this one. Sadly, things like this happen often with so many criminals looking for new angles to rob innocent and caring people. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Wow, I don't normally read screenplays, but I'm certainly glad I didn't miss this one. Sadly, things like this happen often with so many criminals looking for new angles to rob innocent and caring people. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you Ric. I don't usually write screenplays. I'm glad you like this. This actually happened almost just like this to my daughter. I really glad she was smart enough to not open the door for the girl. Thank you so much for the six stars.
Beth
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I guess you just never know whether to trust people or not. Your daughter was in a bad place with someone begging for help, but she did the right thing and called the police. I had a friend who stopped to help a couple on the side of the road. They found him dead two days later in a nearby culvert.
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I knew some that stopped to help someone in trouble on Airline HWY in New Oreans and was killed.
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Yes, Beth, I've been all over the world, but New Orleans was one of the most dangerous places I've ever been. Of course, back then, I didn't always choose the right places to be. :-)
Comment from Spitfire
Well done, Beth. I can see this as a two minute commercial on TV played every so often to warn people. I like the bit about hearing two sets of footsteps. Big clue plus the voice turning to anger.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Well done, Beth. I can see this as a two minute commercial on TV played every so often to warn people. I like the bit about hearing two sets of footsteps. Big clue plus the voice turning to anger.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and six stars. Something just like this happened to my daughter when she was living with a roommate who had gone out of town.
Beth
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Your daughter is very smart--she gets it from her mother. Smile
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Beth. This is a flawless script that drew me in immediately and made me feel a part of the scene. Great job of organizing it and leading us through the narrative. I hope you decide to go forward with the script because it sounds like a great story.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Hi Beth. This is a flawless script that drew me in immediately and made me feel a part of the scene. Great job of organizing it and leading us through the narrative. I hope you decide to go forward with the script because it sounds like a great story.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much Rhonda, I really appreciate the nice reveiw and and comments. I'm thrilled with the six stars.
Beth
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It really is a perfect script!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
In Setting, "there is desk" should probably be there is a desk. Outside of the minor nit, the Setting is well established.
In Lisa "pajamas and with" should probably be pajamas and or pajamas with.
In the last two sentences of Opening Scene, perhaps consider something like this Her hair is in disarray. She rubs her eyes and blinks at the light. She mutters to herself and appears to be unnerved.
In Lisa, "who on earth is ringing by doorbell" should probably be who on earth is ringing my doorbell. "Hour" should have a ? not a . "picks up umbrella" should probably be picks up an umbrella.
"The knocking continued" to keep it the same tense as the rest of the section, probably should be The knocking continues.
In Unknown Lady, "Let me quick" should probably be Let me in quick.
In Unknown Lady, "but I freezing" should probably be but I'm, or I am, freezing.
In Unknown Lady, "I go somewhere else" should probably be I'll go somewhere else.
In Lisa, "let in her in" should probably be let her in.
In Sergeant Harrison, "these people work pairs" should probably be these people work in pairs.
Not used to seeing you write a screenplay. Cool beans!
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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In Setting, "there is desk" should probably be there is a desk. Outside of the minor nit, the Setting is well established.
In Lisa "pajamas and with" should probably be pajamas and or pajamas with.
In the last two sentences of Opening Scene, perhaps consider something like this Her hair is in disarray. She rubs her eyes and blinks at the light. She mutters to herself and appears to be unnerved.
In Lisa, "who on earth is ringing by doorbell" should probably be who on earth is ringing my doorbell. "Hour" should have a ? not a . "picks up umbrella" should probably be picks up an umbrella.
"The knocking continued" to keep it the same tense as the rest of the section, probably should be The knocking continues.
In Unknown Lady, "Let me quick" should probably be Let me in quick.
In Unknown Lady, "but I freezing" should probably be but I'm, or I am, freezing.
In Unknown Lady, "I go somewhere else" should probably be I'll go somewhere else.
In Lisa, "let in her in" should probably be let her in.
In Sergeant Harrison, "these people work pairs" should probably be these people work in pairs.
Not used to seeing you write a screenplay. Cool beans!
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you Brett. I really appreciate you help finding the errors. Four of them had been corrected but you found a lot more. No, I don't usually write screen plays but I need to learn how. I really appreciate the review.
Beth
Comment from Bill Schott
This screenplay, Night Visitor Unknown, is a great example of how this crime is perpetrated. It is always best to err on the side of caution. Cute comedy relief at the end.
Let me (in) quick.
You don't know me, but (I'm) freezing.
(I'll) go somewhere else.
They may let (X) her in.
Happy Day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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This screenplay, Night Visitor Unknown, is a great example of how this crime is perpetrated. It is always best to err on the side of caution. Cute comedy relief at the end.
Let me (in) quick.
You don't know me, but (I'm) freezing.
(I'll) go somewhere else.
They may let (X) her in.
Happy Day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you Bill, I appreciate your help with spotting the errors. Something very much like this happened to my daughter when her roommate was out of town.
Beth
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Wow. I could see that happening. Still, if a topless woman came to my door at 3 in the morning, I'd have to let her in, but then I am not a home-alone lady, am I? I like the ending.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Wow. I could see that happening. Still, if a topless woman came to my door at 3 in the morning, I'd have to let her in, but then I am not a home-alone lady, am I? I like the ending.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Tom. I imagine most men would feel the same as you but a home invastion might take you by surprise. Somethng very like this story happened to daughter when her roommate was out of town. I appreciate the review and comments.
Beth