Mask
we all wear one34 total reviews
Comment from JSD
Beautifully written. A real jerk of melancholy halfway through. But the whole piece is sweetly sad and so carefully and poetically described. Well done and good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Beautifully written. A real jerk of melancholy halfway through. But the whole piece is sweetly sad and so carefully and poetically described. Well done and good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Many thanks, my friend. G
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Loved the descriptive-thin slivers of sunlight and the dust motes dancing. You potrayed Jasper well as he dropped his 'I'm okay' mask off when he got home. Well written G.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Loved the descriptive-thin slivers of sunlight and the dust motes dancing. You potrayed Jasper well as he dropped his 'I'm okay' mask off when he got home. Well written G.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 22-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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This little piece gave the opportunity to concentrate on how gib thing affect the little things rather than the other way around. Much appreciated. G
Comment from Thesis
A very relatable story to anyone who ever lost a mate. The use of the mask as a shield to hide emotions and feelings until they can be dealt with in private is spot on. Good job in this portrayal.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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A very relatable story to anyone who ever lost a mate. The use of the mask as a shield to hide emotions and feelings until they can be dealt with in private is spot on. Good job in this portrayal.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Many thanks for your thoughts on this one. Always appreciated. G
Comment from Paul McFarland
This is a good one, Giraffmang. You have created a sadness that is deafening. I'll bet that there are many men who go through this ritual every day.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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This is a good one, Giraffmang. You have created a sadness that is deafening. I'll bet that there are many men who go through this ritual every day.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Hi Paul,
I think so. My brother isn't as old as this but he lost his wife 8 years ago so there's a bit of him in there, too. I'm not sure how I'd cope, if I'm honest, so there's some of my feelings and fears in there as well.
You know that old saying 'write what you know', I reserve that for emotions and feelings in a character. i think that's how to resonate with readers. If you can do that you can take them on almost any journey! lol
Many thanks
G
Comment from LJbutterfly
Within this basic story, you deliver a realistic message. The protagonist's actions are brought to life by vivid descriptions that allows the reader to clearly envision his movement through the house. His melancholy mood is made clear by a subtle reference to backstory. I enjoyed this read.
Description of note:
"He headed up the protesting staircase, two feet to one step each time, gripping the bannister with a trembling hand."
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Within this basic story, you deliver a realistic message. The protagonist's actions are brought to life by vivid descriptions that allows the reader to clearly envision his movement through the house. His melancholy mood is made clear by a subtle reference to backstory. I enjoyed this read.
Description of note:
"He headed up the protesting staircase, two feet to one step each time, gripping the bannister with a trembling hand."
Comment Written 21-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Much appreciated, as always, my friend. especially for the shiny stars. G
Comment from Tom Horonzy
No chance this was anything but a widower trying to smile when leaving the house, even if it was a challenge to work through the day knowing his love would not be there to greet him on his return.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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No chance this was anything but a widower trying to smile when leaving the house, even if it was a challenge to work through the day knowing his love would not be there to greet him on his return.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Yep, it's a pretty straightforward piece. G
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
The sentence that begins, "Jasper shuffled back into the hallway . . ." - you use hallway twice in the same sentence. Maybe avoid that.
Great imagery - we are definitely in Jasper's space with him. I like, "almost as if protesting it was he there and not her," and "the clicking of the mechanism as old and tired as he felt." You've brought inanimate things to life here.
I found two more hallways - four times you use that word in this short piece. This is so full of emotion and the little details make for a great read, except for all the hallways, lol! (Please don't take this as a dis, I really like your writing and this story.)
That Jasper can't bring himself to sleep in the same room he and his wife shared says so much about how he misses her - he can't face being in there alone.
I do wish I had a six left for you.
Take care,
Pam
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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The sentence that begins, "Jasper shuffled back into the hallway . . ." - you use hallway twice in the same sentence. Maybe avoid that.
Great imagery - we are definitely in Jasper's space with him. I like, "almost as if protesting it was he there and not her," and "the clicking of the mechanism as old and tired as he felt." You've brought inanimate things to life here.
I found two more hallways - four times you use that word in this short piece. This is so full of emotion and the little details make for a great read, except for all the hallways, lol! (Please don't take this as a dis, I really like your writing and this story.)
That Jasper can't bring himself to sleep in the same room he and his wife shared says so much about how he misses her - he can't face being in there alone.
I do wish I had a six left for you.
Take care,
Pam
Comment Written 21-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Many thanks for your thoughts on this one. I'll have a look at those areas. Never a diss when something is constructive. lol Much appreciated. G
Comment from Ric Myworld
There is never any doubt in your writing of all the hours you've spent honing your skills of showing. Vivid details that put me right in the action. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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There is never any doubt in your writing of all the hours you've spent honing your skills of showing. Vivid details that put me right in the action. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Many thanks, Ric. I just like to play around with things from time to time. Life keeps getting in the way though. Hope you well. G
Comment from royowen
I think we all wear masks like armour, against a worl that might respond aggressively to a lack of defensiveness. Yes, it sounds like a song I once heard, "get a pet Jasper! " beautifully written G, with that great finish, great job, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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I think we all wear masks like armour, against a worl that might respond aggressively to a lack of defensiveness. Yes, it sounds like a song I once heard, "get a pet Jasper! " beautifully written G, with that great finish, great job, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Too true, my friend. Always appreciated. G
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Well done
Comment from damommy
You have described very well the day in the life of someone who's lost a loved one. I like the details of the man's daily grind. It's been three years since I lost my son, and I'm here to tell you time does not heal all wounds.
As always, well written.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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You have described very well the day in the life of someone who's lost a loved one. I like the details of the man's daily grind. It's been three years since I lost my son, and I'm here to tell you time does not heal all wounds.
As always, well written.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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No, I've never believed that old adage either. Much appreciated, as always. G
