Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

During part of the read, I actually thought this was a baby fighting to come out of the womb - that's what the narrative reminded me of. Then I thought perhaps you were drawing a parallel to that experience. I'm not sure I ever understood where you were that you were fighting your way out of. Lots of tension, and the shorter sentences help to move the dialogue quickly along.

You mention this is a novella. I believe a novella is 10,000 words, unless there is more to this story that I've missed?

The action narrative is very good here - real "edge of your seat" stuff.

Always a pleasure to read your work.

Second paragraph: "screaming so loudly it hurts my ears - make it hurt to keep it in past tense

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023

Hi Pam,
Thanks for alerting me to the typo so I could correct it.
Sounds like you might do like I do sometimes--dive right into the story and miss the commentary about the title. Above the title it indicates this is a chapter in a book and gives a brief premise for the book. This one is called "Four Horse Island." I added to the author notes that this is the first chapter in a novella in case anyone else wonders. I'll consider adding something else to indicate she is trapped under debris on a ship and wondering where everyone is.
I appreciate the encouraging comments about the writing. I based the claustrophobic feelings on how I feel when I'm trapped in a sleeping bag. Anytime I go camping with new people, I have to warn them I will wake up sometime in the night, sit bolt upright, be panting, and trying to punch my way out of the sleeping bag. It's alright. Don't worry. It's normal for me. But I do like getting out of that thing in the morning.
Thanks for dropping by.
Debi

reply by Pam Lonsdale on 18-Jul-2023

Thanks for the explanation. Sorry I didn't catch that it was the beginning of something more. I often don't look at the info above the title, even though I should!

Your sleeping bag phobia is interesting - we all have something, don't we?

Good luck with your novella - I'll be tuning in to read:-)

Comment from davisr (Rhonda)

Excellent

An absolutely riveting story, Debi! Vivid imagery, and step-by-step suspense really drew me in. The fact you wrote it during the quarantine makes it even more meaningful. I think we all felt that way at one point or another, though I'm not so sure we could have put it as eloquently.

Thanks for sharing,
Rhonda

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023

Hi Rhonda,
I'm happy to hear you found this riveting and for listing the reasons why you found it so. What a great review.
I appreciate you stopping by to read and review.
Debi

Comment from Douglas Goff

Excellent

You certainly captured the feel of clasterphobia! I can not stand being trapped in any place tight. You left a great hint of mystery to as the reader had no idea how the person had become entrapped in the boat.

This would have been great for the Storm Contest. Thanks for sharing!
D

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023

Hi D,
Thank you for the encouraging comments about the writing. I hear you on tight places. I want out ASAP when I find myself in one.
I did see the contest a few days ago, but I wasn't sure a chapter from a book qualified to enter and I didn't think about it today.
I appreciate you stopping in to read and review.
Debi.

Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)

Exceptional

Beautifully written. All the anguish can be felt easily. So many things could have gone wrong with so many wrong decisions being made as to escape strategy. Maybe they will yet? kay

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023

Hi Kay,
Thank you for the six stars and the encouraging comments. Yes, what has or will go wrong?
I appreciate you stopping by. Have a wonderful day.
Debi

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

Oh wow, I think I'm feeling quite claustrophobic with you here. This is quite a story of panic, stress and a desperate urge with every sinew of your body to escape. Well done for capturing all the potency of this nightmare experience. Take care, Debbie

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 Comment Written 17-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023

Hi Debbie,
Thank you for the excellent review. I hope you don't feel claustrophobic too long. It is stressful.
Debi

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

This is exciting! You sure start out with a BANG! Whew! I really liked how you captured the motion with:
"willing my body to move in the wave-like motion of a caterpillar, "
And that this has a Horse theme, I'm looking forward to how you will show us your expertise in horses!

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 Comment Written 17-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023

Hi Helen,
Thank you for the first review on this novella. I'm glad you found it exciting. Yes, there will be more about horses later.
Have a wonderful day.
Debi

reply by lyenochka on 18-Jul-2023

Looking forward to it! Will send you a PM. Hugs!