Return To Concorde Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Return to Concorde Valley"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
23 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
The first chapter of your fantasy book has ample description and narrative to deliver a suspenseful beginning. You leave questions for readers to ponder at the end. Who is the boy and where did he come from? Where will he lead the little girl? What type of adventure will they embark upon? Your first chapter is definitely off to a good start. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2023
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The first chapter of your fantasy book has ample description and narrative to deliver a suspenseful beginning. You leave questions for readers to ponder at the end. Who is the boy and where did he come from? Where will he lead the little girl? What type of adventure will they embark upon? Your first chapter is definitely off to a good start. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this long chapter. I appreciate your effort and comments. Have a great week,
Rhonda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I truly hope that you continue this story. I've found it fascinating and would like to read more. Good luck with the contest.
"Anyone else in there?" A voice called out. (lower case 'a' on 'a')
"Who's out there?" The faint voice of a boy called from deep in the underbrush ahead of her. (lower case 't' on 'the)
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reply by the author on 20-Jun-2023
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I truly hope that you continue this story. I've found it fascinating and would like to read more. Good luck with the contest.
"Anyone else in there?" A voice called out. (lower case 'a' on 'a')
"Who's out there?" The faint voice of a boy called from deep in the underbrush ahead of her. (lower case 't' on 'the)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2023
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Hi Barbara,
I appreciate your review. I actually found out it had to be a lot longer than it was, so I added on to it.
I made the corrections you suggested and am still editing what I added.
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Usually this competition needs to be at least 2,000 words.
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Yeah, it's the first time I've entered it, so didn't notice. I used to write novels a lot on here, but haven't in so long I figured I needed incentive.
Comment from JSD
Oh thank goodness. I was genuinely scared. Your narrative successfully took us on the journey with the little girl and the relief of the rescue, subtly and beautifully described, was palpable.
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reply by the author on 20-Jun-2023
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Oh thank goodness. I was genuinely scared. Your narrative successfully took us on the journey with the little girl and the relief of the rescue, subtly and beautifully described, was palpable.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much for taking time to review this chapter. I appreciate your time and comments.