Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Thank you for sharing this Haiku contest entry with us. The artwork you chose is perfect for this poem. I'm curious which came first the photo or the Haiku? I enjoyed reading and good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023

Thanks, Barbara.
For me the words always come first and then I search for a suitable image. I had some trouble finding one for this - the one I ended up using looks a bit too strong to match the fragility I was writing about.
Steve

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

Hi Steve,
This haiku has good connection between lines and matches the artwork well. It uses the both as a hope of coming into the light of faith.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats on winning the contest.
Joan

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023

Thanks, Joan. I appreciate the kind words.

Steve

reply by dragonpoet on 17-Apr-2023

No problem, Steve.
Joan

Comment from Eternal Muse

Exceptional

A great haiku, Steve. This could be interpreted in multiple ways. Alzheimer's come to mind at "fragile memories."

And the image on a moth fluttering out of the dark on fragile wings is brilliant.


Thumbs up!

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023

Many thanks, Yelena. I appreciate the kind words and the extra star.
I wasn't specifically thinking of Alzheimers, but that is certainly the extreme example of fading memory that is at the heart of this poem.

Steve

Comment from RodG

Excellent

Your haiku reminds us that memories often come to us unexpectedly and in many forms. A moth with "frail wings" is a wonderful metaphor for some kinds of memories that often come "out of the still dark." Lots of atmosphere conveyed here. Rod

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023

Thanks, Rod.
That's exactly what I was trying to convey. Who knows why we get these random flashbacks and yet we can't remember where in the carpark we left the darn thing?!

Steve

Comment from Ginda Simpson

Excellent

I can only hope to write Haiku like this. What imagery and feeling you have captured with your words. A word picture. Inspiring. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023

Ginda, many thanks for your kind words. I'm not a great writer of haiku, but occasionally the words come together in just the right way!

Steve

Comment from strandregs

Excellent

One, season ?
Two, tranquil beauty engulfs the reader.
Three, moths are hundreds of times more essential for the ecology than bees.
Yet who talks about them?
You.
You the man. :-))Z.

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023

Thanks, Zelick.
Can't say I was thinking of the moth as an environmental warrior when I wrote this.

But I am now!

Steve

reply by strandregs on 17-Apr-2023

A saint doesn't know he's a saint.

Comment from CrystieCookie999

Excellent

I liked reading this. It definitely captures a moment in time. The 'f' alliteration with fragile, flutters, and frail is great. Nice share. Good luck in that contest!

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023

Cookie, many thanks for the kind words about my little poem.

Steve

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Your haiku read well, Steve. I loved the picture, though
your words painted their own. I believed your haiku had
the satori first, the other 2 lines. You did a great job.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023

Thanks, Jan.
I have to admit I tossed a coin about whether that line should go first or last. In the end I decided to give it pride of place and get the idea of memory in the mind of the reader before introducing the fluttering moth. It could equally well have gone the other way.

Steve

Comment from shelley kaye

Exceptional

fragile memories -
white moth flutters on frail wings
out of the still dark


excellent haiku, picture and colours - they all go very well together!

one suggestion i have is maybe put a dash - after the first line - for a slight pause -


great work!
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
shelley :)

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023

Hi, Shelley.

Thanks for the kind words and the extra star - much appreciated.

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

I really like this, Steve. I know a little about Alzheimer's, and whether you intended to or not, you brought me back to the unwinnable battle.
Those fragile memories flitting out of the dark. A very apt metaphor.
You may have been reaching for something else, but your poem hit me head on.

Best of luck.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023

Thanks, Lee. I remember your post from long ago about your mother's struggle and consequently your own. Yet one more of your stories that deserves a wider audience by being published. I though at the time it should be required reading for anyone working in old age facilities and care homes.

My own father died of/with Alzheimers as well, so perhaps there is a touch of that in my piece, although I confess it was more about the fragility of memories in general.

Glad you liked this. Good to see you getting close to completion in 'Drawing Blanks.' It must be occupying pretty much all of your time.

Have a great weekend. Blustery autumn weather here - leaves everywhere...

Steve

reply by humpwhistle on 15-Apr-2023

Yeah, I didn't thing your poem was written for me in particular, but, man, it hit me like a brick. That's the stuff of good poetry.

I think you'll be pleased to know that I've found someone to help me organize my stories and send them off various contests. I need to see how I fare against wider competition.
A first step toward seeking publication. We've sent out 10 stories so far--among them, Day 1466, the non-fiction piece you refer to.

Funny, it's April, and we just had two 90 degree (F) days in a row. And the naysayers insist we aren't rocking the boat. I'm beginning to think I'm surrounded by idiots--present company excluded.

Lee

reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023

Hey, great idea to send your stuff off to contests. I like to do that for a few of my poems but haven't had lots of success. I did win fifty pounds once and was shortlisted for one major contest.

Yeah, the weather does seem to be getting weirder all over, although that may be partly due to the media covering it more. One of the hugest idiots, Margery Taylor Greene, has just reinforced her lack of intelligence with a nonsensical post about climate change. How do these people ever get elected?!

Stay well.

Steve

reply by humpwhistle on 15-Apr-2023

I think there are a bunch of Americans who have mistaken the political process for a reality show. They vote for numbskulls like Greene for entertainment--the same reason Trump got elected in the first place.

What's so cool about these contests is I've spent some time riffing through my portfolio. I've found several pieces I want to send to the Seal Committee, but I feel like I'm taking advantage of my mates.

We had an exceptionally mild, snowless winter here in the northeast. I can see the weather patterns shifting. I think we're in for a very hot summer. Are you guys experiencing weather shifts?

reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023

Yes, I thinks so - although there is still enough doubt to keep the denialists happy. We had a very wet summer - my garden hose was barely required for our quite extensive gardens. The rain kept on coming after summer was over and parts of the country copped it really badly. Lately we've seen tornadoes - smaller than the US ones but locally damaging. Right here in the northern tip we've been relatively lucky. We had a brush with a tropical cyclone and lost our power for three days and it made a mess of our highways - there's only one main road up here from Auckland so long detours were needed for essential supplies.

Right now it's blowing up pretty good outside, but hasn't got really cold yet - which is just as well as we're waiting for a plumber to fix our hot-water cylinder and we can't light a fire until that's done because of the wetback connection.

Steve

reply by humpwhistle on 15-Apr-2023

God bless plumbers! I hope he gets there soon.

I think California is bearing the brunt. Between wildfires, floods, mudslides, and drought, they're getting hammered. They even had snow in Los Angeles this year.
Meanwhile, tornado alley is moving east south east.
I live in the 'land of steady habits' so we're often spared the worst of it.
I'm expecting a very active, and early hurricane season.

I'm pretty safe. You're pretty safe.
Why should we care, right?

reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023

First they came for the socialists, but I did not speak out because I wasn't a socialist...