A Poetic Pause
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Choice"First Poems
28 total reviews
Comment from leather
The direction of this poem could have been more apparent to me. But your notes were a big help. The illustration of that fairy-tale-like room belies the fact that an abused woman resides there. But then, it's hard to illustrate a juxtaposition.
Thank you for writing.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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The direction of this poem could have been more apparent to me. But your notes were a big help. The illustration of that fairy-tale-like room belies the fact that an abused woman resides there. But then, it's hard to illustrate a juxtaposition.
Thank you for writing.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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Hi there thank you so much for your review and taking the time to have a look at it during everything that is told to me I take and observe and think about. If you are correct about the justification I was trying to portray the 2 sides of her when it comes to her husband's the one side being not fairy tale you have decided being the pain and the decision to make. Thanks so much again I hope you're having a great day!
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Thanks. May you also have a great day.
Comment from JT traveller
Great juxtaposition and thanks for your explanatory notes.
A small suggestion, take it or leave it,
"Twisted snarl red."
Perhaps read? Instead of red to empower the woman and then your poem may take on a different meaning. The woman is intelligent and intuitive. She knows how to read her man.
I really enjoyed your poem.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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Great juxtaposition and thanks for your explanatory notes.
A small suggestion, take it or leave it,
"Twisted snarl red."
Perhaps read? Instead of red to empower the woman and then your poem may take on a different meaning. The woman is intelligent and intuitive. She knows how to read her man.
I really enjoyed your poem.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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That's a very good suggestion perhaps I'll have to try it on for size thank you! Thank you for your review and taking the time to do so I really appreciate it!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Who is the loser when gas lighting is used. The victim or the trespasser? Never ventured, never gain, those who psychologically manipulate are like the plague, which never was survivable.:
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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Who is the loser when gas lighting is used. The victim or the trespasser? Never ventured, never gain, those who psychologically manipulate are like the plague, which never was survivable.:
Comment Written 19-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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I think it's a combination of both really depending on the personalities of each who is the weeker. One perpetrates and takes advantage and other hopes for the glimpse of the person they saw on the net it is a terrible cycle called the fear circle 1 must take a step beyond it in order for change to come. Thank you Tom for taking the time to read my poem! Very much appreciative hope you have a great day!
Comment from jaded831
Your poem is abstract. The reader will walk away trying to analyze your words, but will not find anything concrete. My take is a lover brokenhearted, dreams, and
creates the perfect man. When she wakes he is gone. Well done, your poem is very creative.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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Your poem is abstract. The reader will walk away trying to analyze your words, but will not find anything concrete. My take is a lover brokenhearted, dreams, and
creates the perfect man. When she wakes he is gone. Well done, your poem is very creative.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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Thank you for taking the time to read this and you're kind words. I thank you for your perspective as its valuable feedback!. This poem is about an abused woman who still thinks the man she loves is inside but is woefully mistaken.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is such a poignant write, once a man shows his true colours then the one she first met has gone forever because he does not exist, she has been fooled and the sooner she realises it, the better. These are powerful words Lea, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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This is such a poignant write, once a man shows his true colours then the one she first met has gone forever because he does not exist, she has been fooled and the sooner she realises it, the better. These are powerful words Lea, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 19-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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Thank you Dolly for your kind review as always Thoughtful and much appreciated! Have a great evening!
Comment from Ricky1024
"To he Choice" was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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"To he Choice" was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 19-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much for your very kind words and very honored and privileged you took the time to read. I'm so glad you enjoyed this poem !
Thank you again!
Comment from Nicki Nance
The cinquan was so open ended, the reader could take the meaning in a lot of different directions, all supported by your alternating moods - sublime twisted beauty nightmare divine. Excellent structure.
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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2023
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The cinquan was so open ended, the reader could take the meaning in a lot of different directions, all supported by your alternating moods - sublime twisted beauty nightmare divine. Excellent structure.
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Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2023
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Thank you so much Nikki you have a very eloquent way of putting things and I appreciate your comments and the time you took to critique my work I thank you again and hope you have a wonderful and fabulous day!
Comment from BermyBye50
Lea,
This is an intriguing entry in the Cinquain Poetry contest. I believe you accomplished your goal with this write. The imagery in your words aptly portray the abused experienced by the abused woman at the center of the story. You've captured the emotional trauma she recalls at the hands of her abuser in the imagery of the jealous bed upon which the she and the gas lighting abuser shared. Well done.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2023
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Lea,
This is an intriguing entry in the Cinquain Poetry contest. I believe you accomplished your goal with this write. The imagery in your words aptly portray the abused experienced by the abused woman at the center of the story. You've captured the emotional trauma she recalls at the hands of her abuser in the imagery of the jealous bed upon which the she and the gas lighting abuser shared. Well done.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2023
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Thank you for that marvelous review ! I much appreciate everything that you have said and appreciate all your comments and for your time in doing so. I hope you have yourself a wonderful and fabulous day!