Charlie In-Country
Charlie was the nickname for the Viet Cong.29 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
I am assuming that this is a true story? I am very sorry about your injury and thank you for your service.
As to Charlie, the title of your piece suggests a story about him, the subject of this piece, but he was only mentioned in passing in the first sentence. I think you should write something about him. Bring him into the story.
Also, what happened to the formatting - the long, narrow way the story progressed?
The story is really about you - which is a good story -but you can edit it, bringing Charlie in, too.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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I am assuming that this is a true story? I am very sorry about your injury and thank you for your service.
As to Charlie, the title of your piece suggests a story about him, the subject of this piece, but he was only mentioned in passing in the first sentence. I think you should write something about him. Bring him into the story.
Also, what happened to the formatting - the long, narrow way the story progressed?
The story is really about you - which is a good story -but you can edit it, bringing Charlie in, too.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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Thank you, pome lover. I was
not a soldier in the Vietnam
War, or any of the wars after
that one. I was an elementary
school and then high school
student during the Vietnam
War Era. I recall the sadness
and tragic loss of human
life from the war. It still hurts
my heart how our surviving
soldiers came home to be
greeted with hostility from
a lot of Americans. Many
blessings to you, and thank
you for the constructive
criticism. ~
-
Oh. I'm sorry. I misinterpreted it. You're right, it was terrible the way the returning VietNam vets were treated - a horrible, un American time - like now.
Comment from prettybluebirds
My brother was in the Viet Nam war. He survived to come home, but the war got him in the end. He died of liver cancer caused by agent orange. I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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My brother was in the Viet Nam war. He survived to come home, but the war got him in the end. He died of liver cancer caused by agent orange. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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I'm so sorry about your
beloved brother. It's such a
national tragedy how for so
many years our soldiers have
been dismissed when they
went to the VA system and
we're told their agent orange
and burn pits injuries were
all, " in their heads." To be
dismissed so cruelly by their
own government. Such a
huge hurt on their hearts
and ours. Many blessings to
you, prettybluebirds.
Comment from Jim Wile
This story was very well done. I never expected this take on "The last time I saw Charlie..." You highlighted many of the difficulties of that horrible war, including the torn feelings about going home and leaving your buddies in the field. I'm sure it was a relief to all who came home alive, but for many it lived on in infamy for many years to come.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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This story was very well done. I never expected this take on "The last time I saw Charlie..." You highlighted many of the difficulties of that horrible war, including the torn feelings about going home and leaving your buddies in the field. I'm sure it was a relief to all who came home alive, but for many it lived on in infamy for many years to come.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Jim,
for taking the time to read and review my war short story. Like other wars the
Vietnam War claimed so much human lives. The average age of our Vietnam
War soldiers was nineteen.
So very sad. Then, a lot of
our surviving soldiers came
home to some hostility.
That still hurts my heart.
Many blessings to you. ~
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
I was hoping for a war story. That's the first thing I think of when I hear the name 'Charley', that and the janitor that worked in the local courthouse.
The introduction sucked me right in. The soldiers' thoughts and emotions were well described in the next paragraph, and well through-out as the narrator described the horrible experience of awakening without a leg.
The coping skills mentioned were interesting and likely necessary.
I liked how you focused on the young soldier's turmoil between wanting to stay with his buddies and wanting to go home.
Great wrap-up to the story. Great job! I'm so glad you shared this with us.
Gale
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
|
I was hoping for a war story. That's the first thing I think of when I hear the name 'Charley', that and the janitor that worked in the local courthouse.
The introduction sucked me right in. The soldiers' thoughts and emotions were well described in the next paragraph, and well through-out as the narrator described the horrible experience of awakening without a leg.
The coping skills mentioned were interesting and likely necessary.
I liked how you focused on the young soldier's turmoil between wanting to stay with his buddies and wanting to go home.
Great wrap-up to the story. Great job! I'm so glad you shared this with us.
Gale
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Gale.
Such a huge tragic loss of
human lives in the Vietnam
War, and other wars that our
young soldiers sacrificed
their lives for. It still hurts my
heart that many of our
Vietnam War veterans came
home to a hostile country.
Thank you for taking the
time to read my short story
that just flowed out of me.
I wasn't in any wars, but I
tried as best I could to
empathically write this story.
Many blessings to you. ~
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry read well, Mystery Author.
You set the scene perfectly as required by the
prompt. I could see everything you mentioned
and feel the angst, worry, and sadness and fear
of the young soldier. Your words were descriptive,
too, a he lay in the hospital. What an ordeal--not
only for him but his fellow biddies. The picture was
a great addition.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
out [ our ] high school gym, just
tossed high in acrobatic beauty
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
|
Your contest entry read well, Mystery Author.
You set the scene perfectly as required by the
prompt. I could see everything you mentioned
and feel the angst, worry, and sadness and fear
of the young soldier. Your words were descriptive,
too, a he lay in the hospital. What an ordeal--not
only for him but his fellow biddies. The picture was
a great addition.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
out [ our ] high school gym, just
tossed high in acrobatic beauty
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Jan!
The tragedy of every war goes on. We lost so many of
our young soldiers in every
War. Then, for our Vietnam
veterans to come home to
their hostile country and
dismissive VA system still
hurts my heart. Many
blessings to you, and I really
appreciate your sensitive
caring of our soldiers both
living and fallen. ~
Comment from RodG
This story is both poignant and eloquent, describing the ordeal of one Vietnam soldier wounded while engaging with Charlie, the Viet Cong. I especially like your opening paragraph where you set the scene. You also do a fine job of inserting backstory through a dream he had while being transported in a helicopter. Most important, you evoke pathos for your narrator while also paying tribute to all his "brothers." Rod
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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This story is both poignant and eloquent, describing the ordeal of one Vietnam soldier wounded while engaging with Charlie, the Viet Cong. I especially like your opening paragraph where you set the scene. You also do a fine job of inserting backstory through a dream he had while being transported in a helicopter. Most important, you evoke pathos for your narrator while also paying tribute to all his "brothers." Rod
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Rod.
Although all wars are tragic,
the Vietnam War was
especially sad because of the sacrifice of such young
American soldiers, who's
average age was nineteen.
Then, our surviving veteran's
came home to some hostility
in their own country and a
dismissive VA system. It
still hurts my heart. Many
blessings to you & your
family. ~
-
You are very welcome.
Comment from lancellot
This is an interesting story narration. I would suggest that you edit the formatting and paragraph spacing. It will help the readers.
notes:
In the
real life, Sharon in her cheerleader
outfit in {out} high school gym
-our
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
 |
This is an interesting story narration. I would suggest that you edit the formatting and paragraph spacing. It will help the readers.
notes:
In the
real life, Sharon in her cheerleader
outfit in {out} high school gym
-our
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much,lancellot.
I really appreciate the
constructive criticism, it's
very helpful. I hope you've
had a bright & healthy
New Year. Many blessings ~
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
This is a compelling, powerful account by a soldier of the Vietnam war. The reader can feel the sense of comradeship between the troops and their longing for home. The narrator almost accepts the loss of his leg, without question!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
|
This is a compelling, powerful account by a soldier of the Vietnam war. The reader can feel the sense of comradeship between the troops and their longing for home. The narrator almost accepts the loss of his leg, without question!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Sarah.
I really appreciate you taking
the time to read and review
my short story. The Vietnam
War was such a very tragic
chapter in U.S. history,
especially since the average
age of our soldiers in the
Vietnam War was nineteen.
Of our soldiers who survived,
many came home to hostility
from some of their own
countrymen. The VA system
was dismissive towards them. Thank you for caring.
Many blessings to you. ~
-
Happy New Year!
Comment from royowen
It was such a sad, fruitless war, gaining nothing, except a lot of dead or wounded, my brother was wounded there, this is deeply sorrowful, filled with sorrow, and a woman, feeling sad that he was going home, and his brother soldiers were still fighting, well done, grreat story, good luck, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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It was such a sad, fruitless war, gaining nothing, except a lot of dead or wounded, my brother was wounded there, this is deeply sorrowful, filled with sorrow, and a woman, feeling sad that he was going home, and his brother soldiers were still fighting, well done, grreat story, good luck, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Roy.
All wars are so tragic and
fought mostly by our youth.
I greatly appreciate your
sensitive comments, I'm so
sorry about your beloved
brother. I hope you and your
family's New Year has been
bright and healthy. Blessings
-
Well done
