New York's Best: the NYDOE
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "NYCDoHD Spells Jobs, 6"A Musical in One Act
24 total reviews
Comment from amahra
Jay, lucky for you I had a 6 left. What's the big idea posting on a Friday? :))
Hey, bull riding in New York...really? And I loved him selling himself for a waiter position. That was funny. Great humorous exchange.
I know this is probably petty, but in your "SETTING" you have "take a number machine". It's actually a "ticket dispenser". But no big deal.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2022
  |
Jay, lucky for you I had a 6 left. What's the big idea posting on a Friday? :))
Hey, bull riding in New York...really? And I loved him selling himself for a waiter position. That was funny. Great humorous exchange.
I know this is probably petty, but in your "SETTING" you have "take a number machine". It's actually a "ticket dispenser". But no big deal.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2022
-
Oh, they are called a ticket dispenser? I didn't know there was a name for them. Yes, it was my good fortune that you had a six left. Truth is, it posted by mistake. I forget the wording on the last box before you save the first draft to Fanstory. But it has to do with whether you want it released now. I thought it automatically defaulted to "no". But apparently this time it didn't and I didn't have a chance to edit it before it posted. I ended up rushing through a quick edit, getting rid of all the html garbage that accrues around double-dashes and hoped there were not major problems. So far so good.
Comment from lancellot
Well, it was during the Great Depression, so, not finding a 'legal' job in New York city isn't that hard to believe. Also, believable that a young man would resort to begging, times were hard.
It was an... interesting act.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2022
 |
Well, it was during the Great Depression, so, not finding a 'legal' job in New York city isn't that hard to believe. Also, believable that a young man would resort to begging, times were hard.
It was an... interesting act.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2022
-
Thank you for reading it, Lance. One more scene and I can start paring it down and trying to hawk it to the local colleges for a production. A lot of work left.
Jay
Comment from lyenochka
I'm not sure of the lyrics but when Zachary tries to convince Mr. Kincade of all the kinds of work he can do, I see a dance he could do while listing all those tasks he feels he is capable of doing. A fun scene but it's not looking good for our hero here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2022
|
I'm not sure of the lyrics but when Zachary tries to convince Mr. Kincade of all the kinds of work he can do, I see a dance he could do while listing all those tasks he feels he is capable of doing. A fun scene but it's not looking good for our hero here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2022
-
You know what? You might have hit the nail on the head. A small dance sequence would work well in that slot. I would have to leave the choreography to the play's director, though. I'm having enough trouble with the music, LOL. But I 100 % agree with you!
Jay
-
😊💖
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This scene has a thoughtful Dialogue between the characters of Zachary and Kincade.
It is amazing you can come out with all the possible tasks that Zachary said he could do.
It is more amazing that Kincade has all the reasons to say no jobs are available.
Great job. Thanks for sharing this with us.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2022
|
This scene has a thoughtful Dialogue between the characters of Zachary and Kincade.
It is amazing you can come out with all the possible tasks that Zachary said he could do.
It is more amazing that Kincade has all the reasons to say no jobs are available.
Great job. Thanks for sharing this with us.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2022
-
A huge thank you, Chan, for reading this and for your commentary. The final scene is next time. I hope you catch it. It should provide a few surprises.
Jay