Reviews from

You Can Go Home Again

Everybody has their own way of worship

29 total reviews 
Comment from Sarah Robin
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed reading your post. There is just one place there may be a missing word. "Weekend reporter at it" might be changed. It was nicely written and I felt I was there with you. Good luck with the contest. I am blessed also. Sarah

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2022


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
    Thank you for reviewing my story Sarah. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Comment from Tpa
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Thank you for your service. God has given us all gifts, which many don't use or are too lazy to search for them. Your writing showed the gift that God gave to you and to share with others.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2022


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
    Thank you for reviewing my story. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Comment from Karyn2
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Thanks for sharing your faith and story. It is always an honour to read or hear and get a glimpse of someone's thoughts, struggles and what makes them who they are to day. I think you relate to many who struggles in their identity. Who want to be known as something: possibly a believer in God but are not quite sure where they fit in church, denomination or where they sit in terms of doctrine. What I know for sure is, that as children of God the family we commune with is not as important as the Father we worship! A comment on your writing: I loved your ideas, although I wondered if perhaps you grouped the paragraphs together about your experiences visiting other churches and the church you grew up in. For the reader, perhaps focus a little less on the characters of your past unless they bring a unique story that enhances your own and then spend more time on your years of searching and grappling with identity the dog tags is a perfectly relatable example I feel to many who a wandering and wondering about where they fit in this puzzle of life and faith. Best wishes.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2022


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
    Thank you for reviewing my story. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Don't know how anyone would find this offensive, but there probably ate those out there. I liked how you stepped from the future and then reminisced about your past and your faith. I was raised Baptist but fell in love with the Episcopalian church. This was a great story about your faith. Well done. Gretchen

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2022


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
    Thank you for reviewing my story Gretchen. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Comment from Jay Squires
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is an enjoyable read, quite entertaining and well-paced. I did have a few problems with your use of tense, as I show below:

Since I'm the weekend reporter at it would stand to [At what? or where?]

And as a big person I realize I'm a big target, [Shouldn't you have this in the past tense, as well?]

And please, I mean no disrespect to anyone when I did this. [Again, you're mixing past with present tense. This should be, "I meant no disrespect ..."]

But Pastor Walton knows my history and I was welcomed back, [But Pastor Walton KNEW my history ...]

Your writing style is very conversational and that certainly should be applauded. There is no attempt made at being "writerly". Again, though, my only problem was your tendency to slip in and out of tenses. There were more instances than I pointed out, but I included enough for you to get the idea and make whatever changes you deem necessary before the window for the contest closes.

I don't want to leave you with the impression that I didn't enjoy your post. I did indeed! Thank you for sharing it with us.

Jay


 Comment Written 02-Dec-2022


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
    Thank you for reviewing my story Jay. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is an exploration of the writer's view of faith. The first half is interesting as you chronicle visits to a wide variety of different Christian churches. I felt the second half was a list of private individuals which is less interesting to most readers.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2022


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
    Thank you for reviewing my story . I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I loved reading the history of your life. That is why we are on Fan Story; to hear about other people's opinions and historical events of their life. I hope you do well in the contest if you entered your story.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2022


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
    Thank you for reviewing my story Sandra. I appreciate you taking the time to read it. And the six star rating
reply by Rosemary Everson1 on 05-Dec-2022
    Sandra?
Comment from LJbutterfly
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Honesty and heartfelt sincerity can be felt throughout this entire piece. Each one of us has a unique and individual relationship with God (or no relationship) and worship in our own way. I agree with the message, "Faith not Fear." A TV evangelist once said fear is "false evidence appearing real." You did an excellent job presenting your views. Best wishes in the contest.
Notes:
Since I'm the weekend reporter at it would stand to reason...( reporter at where?)
I'd have to write a spotlight article similar with what I do for veterans now. (similar to what I do for veterans)
I'm invited back join them the next week. (I'm invited back to join them)

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2022


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
    Thank you for reviewing my story . I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Comment from royowen
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

There are scriptures that bless some men with long life, who are faithful in their honouring of parents, which is the fifth commandment, which receives long life, but in fact the faithful person, I guess I'm one, this is beautifully written my friend, good luck, blessings Roy

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2022


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
    Thank you for reviewing my story Roy. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
reply by royowen on 05-Dec-2022
    Most welcome