New York's Best: the NYDOE
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "NYCDoHD Spells: Jobs"A Musical in One Act
28 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Congratulations on your 500 milestone post. I'm impressed. I enjoyed reading. I somehow doubt Zachery will get this job unless he just wears Mr. Kincade out with his stories. LOL I enjoyed reading.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Congratulations on your 500 milestone post. I'm impressed. I enjoyed reading. I somehow doubt Zachery will get this job unless he just wears Mr. Kincade out with his stories. LOL I enjoyed reading.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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This is the first I've heard of the 500 milestone! Gosh! I'm impressed as well. That's staying power for you. LOL, thanks, Barbara, for your loyalty and your kindness.
Jay
Comment from pome lover
loved this scene, too. Wrote one lyric for Mr. Kincade. Waiting for the contest. Can't wait to see it.
This is going to be so much fun. This is a great play, so far!
Thanks for the opportunity to have the contest.
Katharine
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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loved this scene, too. Wrote one lyric for Mr. Kincade. Waiting for the contest. Can't wait to see it.
This is going to be so much fun. This is a great play, so far!
Thanks for the opportunity to have the contest.
Katharine
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Impossible to tell you how much your comment means to me. I'm so new at initiating contests. I have no idea whether I said too much or too little. But it is up and going. I'm so happy you are choosing to enter it. Please encourage other poets out there to give it a go. And the dollop of encouragement on top is the sixth star! Thank you so much for that!
Comment from John Ciarmello
Yes, and what a milestone post it is, Jay! Congratulations!! This scene fleshed out the characters quite well for your upcoming contest and upcoming scenes. The introduction of Zachary Odin "Patiper-r-ro" and the time spent on the origin of his name and (religious) background, or Mr. Kincade's lack of it, may have some significance to the following scenes, perhaps? This is all intriguing. I can't wait to see where it goes. Loved it! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Yes, and what a milestone post it is, Jay! Congratulations!! This scene fleshed out the characters quite well for your upcoming contest and upcoming scenes. The introduction of Zachary Odin "Patiper-r-ro" and the time spent on the origin of his name and (religious) background, or Mr. Kincade's lack of it, may have some significance to the following scenes, perhaps? This is all intriguing. I can't wait to see where it goes. Loved it! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Haha, it may or may not have a direct bearing on the subsequent scenes, John. Dang! I'm so happy you are reading it. Won't you take a look at the contest. Even if you don't join in, can you suggest ways to make it more appealing? This is my first contest and I'm a greenie!
Thanks again for your encouragement and loyalty, John.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I love this! Seriously, I really do. I think its because you show the professional face of the cast then they have their personal moments. It's so true in the business world when you work with the public. There are those moments when the unreal idiocy of people leave you speechless yet you have to maintain decorum. You want to laugh or scream. You can't. You want to snap your fingers and freeze time just so you can smack them for getting on your last nerve.
Zachary is unique. He seems very harmless but very happy letting his oddness show. Maybe we need more Zacharys in the world.
Keep going with this. I'm truly enjoying this. Gretchen
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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I love this! Seriously, I really do. I think its because you show the professional face of the cast then they have their personal moments. It's so true in the business world when you work with the public. There are those moments when the unreal idiocy of people leave you speechless yet you have to maintain decorum. You want to laugh or scream. You can't. You want to snap your fingers and freeze time just so you can smack them for getting on your last nerve.
Zachary is unique. He seems very harmless but very happy letting his oddness show. Maybe we need more Zacharys in the world.
Keep going with this. I'm truly enjoying this. Gretchen
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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You are so kind, Gretchen. I think there are probably a lot of Zacharys in the world, but we don't give them an opportunity to open up and encouragement to continue their story. Zachary is very special to me.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Kincaide's prayer to feel alive for one day is a great start. His anguished hope, however, is drained of power by the metaphors used by Kincaide to try to explain the reasons for God's absence--passing the telephone, on a break, or a fading phone call from earth. They a reasonable in the sense of being found in the office context of Kincaide's job, but they lack existential power or punch. The better image is the coal being extinguished. Get to the gut of Kincaide's personal angst in his questioning without limiting it to his office context. Perhaps bring in some depression era images.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Kincaide's prayer to feel alive for one day is a great start. His anguished hope, however, is drained of power by the metaphors used by Kincaide to try to explain the reasons for God's absence--passing the telephone, on a break, or a fading phone call from earth. They a reasonable in the sense of being found in the office context of Kincaide's job, but they lack existential power or punch. The better image is the coal being extinguished. Get to the gut of Kincaide's personal angst in his questioning without limiting it to his office context. Perhaps bring in some depression era images.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Oh, wow! Tim, yes! Please ... please incorporate your ideas in the lyrics for the contest. Your criticism is exactly what I needed. I was so concentrated on meter and occasional rhyme that the character-core slipped away! Please enter the contest! And thank you for reading.
By the way, I am into your "Yearning" and, as I knew I would, I was blown away. I hope others here get a chance to order it. Give me time to thoroughly digest what I've read and I'll leave a review on Amazon for it. Now, you didn't self-publish this, did you? How many times did you send it out before a publisher bit on it? Email me, buddy! You know I'm interested.
Jay
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I don't see any discrepancy between the dialogue and the lyricist (although I believe you do need the collaboration of a good lyricist - perhaps someone who takes pleasure in the Blues Brothers?). However, I see a great chasm between the body language and the verbal. This could rapidly become frustrating to the leader. I feel you have started a lot of threads here, but not really advanced with any. Perhaps that's deliberate. Kate xx
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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I don't see any discrepancy between the dialogue and the lyricist (although I believe you do need the collaboration of a good lyricist - perhaps someone who takes pleasure in the Blues Brothers?). However, I see a great chasm between the body language and the verbal. This could rapidly become frustrating to the leader. I feel you have started a lot of threads here, but not really advanced with any. Perhaps that's deliberate. Kate xx
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Well, Kate, it IS kinda deliberate. Part of Zachary's character is his deep need to tether around the pole of his soul (Now that might be a good lyric!) But I do know what you're saying. Perhaps that's why tetherball isn't in the olympics! Thanks for reading this and for your review!
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Awesome!!!
I have mostly read French theater scripts, Moliere, Ionesco etc, and I find this script very similar. The description of the scenes the people are well executed and the flow is really easy to follow.
Amazing job! Will read more of you, for sure
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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Awesome!!!
I have mostly read French theater scripts, Moliere, Ionesco etc, and I find this script very similar. The description of the scenes the people are well executed and the flow is really easy to follow.
Amazing job! Will read more of you, for sure
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Ah, the theater of the Absurd. I'm a huge fan of that, myself, Mario. Please do read on. And if you've a mind to, join the contest for writing the lyrics for forthcoming scenes. The contest posted today. I'm so glad to have you aboard for this play. If you have time and aren't caught up in the FS money caper (as I'm forced to be), you might want to read scene one as well. It lays the groundwork for this scene. Again, thanks for taking a chance on me!
JS
Comment from Stonewall James
Brilliant! I enjoyed this work immensely. Please consider me a loyal fan. How exquisite. My feedback will seem quite useless to you for I am leaving this feedback immediately after reading your wonderous work!! I am filled with both rapture and inspiration. The imagery!!! Ahhh so ferociously real and the dialogue...what can i say? Ebbed and flowed as lapping waves to a ever yearning soul. What tremendous lines, dramatics and theatre...to come across such talent, a gift indeed. I can merely pass onto you my sincerest and most genuine thanks to have made available to all of us...this great work. Thank you. SJ
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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Brilliant! I enjoyed this work immensely. Please consider me a loyal fan. How exquisite. My feedback will seem quite useless to you for I am leaving this feedback immediately after reading your wonderous work!! I am filled with both rapture and inspiration. The imagery!!! Ahhh so ferociously real and the dialogue...what can i say? Ebbed and flowed as lapping waves to a ever yearning soul. What tremendous lines, dramatics and theatre...to come across such talent, a gift indeed. I can merely pass onto you my sincerest and most genuine thanks to have made available to all of us...this great work. Thank you. SJ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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I happily accept you as a loyal fan, Stonewall -- deliriously so! Oh, you are a poet, Sir .... I do believe there is something of Zachary in your soul! Please, SJ, scoot on over to the New Contest section and use that poetic sensibility to come up with improved, or entirely new lyrics for this scene. If you want to know more about it, take a gander at "Sing, Sing a Song" here, https://fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=1076154 which goes into the contest in more detail. No need to review it.
Again, welcome aboard, and know that you've made my day special with your enthusiasm!
Jay