The Testimony of Emmett Gracey
Do you believe?25 total reviews
Comment from Susan Newell
Gareth,
A fascinating tale of suspense and terror of the unknown. I suppose it is the unknown and the unknowable that terrifies us all. I think you did a remarkable job of staging the time, place and social milieu. I feared at first that in a nightmare he'd mistaken a helpful guest for a monster. But you offered up a real unreal creature. I picked up a few typos in reading.
Sue
government, trading around the Empire, the rise of so-called spiritualism and spiritualists, and so on. -- great way to assure we are in the right period
a shattered wreck floating listlessly on the open seas with no signs of life for the source of its existence would be shrouded in mystery. -- I found this confusing
fingers curled around in an effort of squeeze the life from me. -- to squeeze?
Some base instinct must have protected me at that point form being consumed by madness. -- from being
he had precured the cord for tying -- procured?
I would attest that he had never seen, or not seen, anything quite like this. ******
terror of the attack. Hammons and I shuffled toward the bed, all ==> Hammond
creaking boards of the bed as the thing reached it destination ==> its
"I don't know what it is." Hammons shook his head. ==> Hammond
The attitudes of other aided us in our deliberations. -- others?
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Gareth,
A fascinating tale of suspense and terror of the unknown. I suppose it is the unknown and the unknowable that terrifies us all. I think you did a remarkable job of staging the time, place and social milieu. I feared at first that in a nightmare he'd mistaken a helpful guest for a monster. But you offered up a real unreal creature. I picked up a few typos in reading.
Sue
government, trading around the Empire, the rise of so-called spiritualism and spiritualists, and so on. -- great way to assure we are in the right period
a shattered wreck floating listlessly on the open seas with no signs of life for the source of its existence would be shrouded in mystery. -- I found this confusing
fingers curled around in an effort of squeeze the life from me. -- to squeeze?
Some base instinct must have protected me at that point form being consumed by madness. -- from being
he had precured the cord for tying -- procured?
I would attest that he had never seen, or not seen, anything quite like this. ******
terror of the attack. Hammons and I shuffled toward the bed, all ==> Hammond
creaking boards of the bed as the thing reached it destination ==> its
"I don't know what it is." Hammons shook his head. ==> Hammond
The attitudes of other aided us in our deliberations. -- others?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Sue, this is a fantastic help, just what I needed. I found this was more difficult to edit due to the particular mindset I had to employ whilst writing it, so this is greatly appreciated.
G
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You are always welcome.
Comment from damommy
First of all, I love the Victorian way you've written this. You have the speech down pat. Poor man is incarcerated because he tried to explain an event like that which Gracey and Hammond experienced. He would be wise to do as Gracey advised. I hope there will be more of this story.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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First of all, I love the Victorian way you've written this. You have the speech down pat. Poor man is incarcerated because he tried to explain an event like that which Gracey and Hammond experienced. He would be wise to do as Gracey advised. I hope there will be more of this story.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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It took some time achieving the mindset but once there it practically wrote itself. lol Many thanks for the great response.
G
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Okay, if I can't sleep tonight, it's your fault. I'm one of those people who can't do horror. HMMMM, I was warned. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your contest entry and I'm sure it will show well, but just in case, good luck.
I hope that this letter gets to you intact and it offers you some (You can omit 'that'. It's not needed.)
"Indeed, my but the night has drawn in. perhaps we should head back and turn in." (Maybe a capital 'p' on 'Perhaps' or you might get by with a comma after 'in')
I tried to remain as still in my bed as possible in the hope that the inactivity would hasten sleep. (You can omit 'that'. It's not needed.)
The joint s creaked as the fingers curled around in an effort of squeeze the life from me. (joints???)
It buried its hand around me throat. (my throat)
We smoked many a pipe throughout the night, perched side-by-side by the window-frame, watching the thing squirm and writhe until it fell silent ,and we could tell by the low, (move comma closer to 'silent')
The next morning, the house was unnaturally quiet. (The following morning)
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Okay, if I can't sleep tonight, it's your fault. I'm one of those people who can't do horror. HMMMM, I was warned. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your contest entry and I'm sure it will show well, but just in case, good luck.
I hope that this letter gets to you intact and it offers you some (You can omit 'that'. It's not needed.)
"Indeed, my but the night has drawn in. perhaps we should head back and turn in." (Maybe a capital 'p' on 'Perhaps' or you might get by with a comma after 'in')
I tried to remain as still in my bed as possible in the hope that the inactivity would hasten sleep. (You can omit 'that'. It's not needed.)
The joint s creaked as the fingers curled around in an effort of squeeze the life from me. (joints???)
It buried its hand around me throat. (my throat)
We smoked many a pipe throughout the night, perched side-by-side by the window-frame, watching the thing squirm and writhe until it fell silent ,and we could tell by the low, (move comma closer to 'silent')
The next morning, the house was unnaturally quiet. (The following morning)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Many thanks as always barbara, especially those little catches. G
Comment from LovnPeace
Something dropped from above and two bony hands grasped my throat. The joint( ) s-joints creaked as
Below me, the creature panted, trying to (such)-suck in air. Not easy when a fully grown man is upon
What you speak of, Hammond, are objects of an inanimate naturel Glass (doe)-does not breath, air
creature's chest was still. It had expired. Yet, still we remained, watching, and waiting but (no)-nothing
This is way to long for my limited attention span, but I made it. I so admire your writing. A true, intellectual. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Something dropped from above and two bony hands grasped my throat. The joint( ) s-joints creaked as
Below me, the creature panted, trying to (such)-suck in air. Not easy when a fully grown man is upon
What you speak of, Hammond, are objects of an inanimate naturel Glass (doe)-does not breath, air
creature's chest was still. It had expired. Yet, still we remained, watching, and waiting but (no)-nothing
This is way to long for my limited attention span, but I made it. I so admire your writing. A true, intellectual. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Many thanks for sticking it out and for those little catches. Always appreciated Barbara.
G
Comment from humpwhistle
I like the Victorian (?) speech and manners. I'm reminded of Conan Doyle. There where a few passages that seemed wrong to me (listed below), but perhaps you have a better grasp of the idiom than I.
A very well-written piece, and a fine entry for the contest.
Best of luck, Gman.
Peace, Lee
A myriad of images ran through me head at that point;--should this be 'my' head? Or is this part of the formal language you're using?
The joint s creaked as--an extra space.
It buried its hand around me throat. They clutched me. --Does 'they' refer to the hand? If so, perhaps 'it' would be more appropriate?
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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I like the Victorian (?) speech and manners. I'm reminded of Conan Doyle. There where a few passages that seemed wrong to me (listed below), but perhaps you have a better grasp of the idiom than I.
A very well-written piece, and a fine entry for the contest.
Best of luck, Gman.
Peace, Lee
A myriad of images ran through me head at that point;--should this be 'my' head? Or is this part of the formal language you're using?
The joint s creaked as--an extra space.
It buried its hand around me throat. They clutched me. --Does 'they' refer to the hand? If so, perhaps 'it' would be more appropriate?
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Many thanks, Lee. The hardest part of this was getting the mindset and trying to emulate it for the editing! Writing was fairly simple. Great catches too
G