Was it Murder?
A strange case in the retirement villiage.30 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Do you ... sleep at night? This write (noun) is not only disturbing but inventive. I only wish, I think, I lived in that retirement village, though it might be best I don't befriend the pair as I often dream of being... you know, once more. :-)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Do you ... sleep at night? This write (noun) is not only disturbing but inventive. I only wish, I think, I lived in that retirement village, though it might be best I don't befriend the pair as I often dream of being... you know, once more. :-)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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LOL, thank you for reading. Terry.
Comment from Susan Newell
Terry,
This was a fascinating read. Of course the "dead pool" is really the center of the story. Without that, there would have been no reason for suspicion. These are two crafty old ladies, not to mention evil. The ending was an interesting twist. Research for a novel takes on a new meaning and we can expect that royalties are expected to make the pool winnings look like chump change.
I was a little put off in that your first paragraph is past tense and then you switch to present tense for the remainder. If you keep it past tense, perhaps some asterisks in between would help.
Sue
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Terry,
This was a fascinating read. Of course the "dead pool" is really the center of the story. Without that, there would have been no reason for suspicion. These are two crafty old ladies, not to mention evil. The ending was an interesting twist. Research for a novel takes on a new meaning and we can expect that royalties are expected to make the pool winnings look like chump change.
I was a little put off in that your first paragraph is past tense and then you switch to present tense for the remainder. If you keep it past tense, perhaps some asterisks in between would help.
Sue
Comment Written 04-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Thank you for reading.
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Most welcome.
Comment from Wendy G
Great imagination - is this the start of a series in solving these possible murders? Could it be the perfect murder scenario, as none of these activities is against the law? I'll have to wait and see.
Wendy
Typo: "Uncomplicated it for me" (remove the d)
Suggestion: "We have evidence two women had been either with four of the men at the time of the heart attack or shortly before death." The word "either" needs to be after the word "men".
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Great imagination - is this the start of a series in solving these possible murders? Could it be the perfect murder scenario, as none of these activities is against the law? I'll have to wait and see.
Wendy
Typo: "Uncomplicated it for me" (remove the d)
Suggestion: "We have evidence two women had been either with four of the men at the time of the heart attack or shortly before death." The word "either" needs to be after the word "men".
Comment Written 04-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Thank you for reading and your suggestions. Terry.
Comment from karenina
Oh you wicked author with the devilish mind!
Want to hear something creepy?
One of the "Assisted Living Communities" I was employed at (briefly) actually had a staff initiated BINGO game...
You had to "buy in"... then you got a card with random residents names.
As they died, you " blotted" the appropriate space on the card...
The first one to get a BINGO won!
It wasn't thousands of dollars...
But it was enough that I worried some staff member in need of one more "name" to win might be tempted to "off" the man or woman!
Like I said. I didn't stay past the three day orientation.
The idea of me pronouncing someone dead (as RN's are allowed to do in Mass.) ...and hearing some staff member hooting "I WON!"
upped the seedy factor...
It's a lot funnier when you tell it!
Karenina
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Oh you wicked author with the devilish mind!
Want to hear something creepy?
One of the "Assisted Living Communities" I was employed at (briefly) actually had a staff initiated BINGO game...
You had to "buy in"... then you got a card with random residents names.
As they died, you " blotted" the appropriate space on the card...
The first one to get a BINGO won!
It wasn't thousands of dollars...
But it was enough that I worried some staff member in need of one more "name" to win might be tempted to "off" the man or woman!
Like I said. I didn't stay past the three day orientation.
The idea of me pronouncing someone dead (as RN's are allowed to do in Mass.) ...and hearing some staff member hooting "I WON!"
upped the seedy factor...
It's a lot funnier when you tell it!
Karenina
Comment Written 04-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Interesting story, thank you for reading and reviewing. Terry.
Comment from Jay Squires
This is damn fun! You have such a wild imagination, Terry! And you've woven together a fine plot. I think it should be the initial chapter of a novel, personally.
Only one thing to look at, and a few comments I made:
"We have evidence two women had been either with four of the men at the time of the heart attack or shortly before death." [Do you mind if I offer a suggestion here on placement of "either"? I stumbled at your meaning, and I think your intention will be clearer if you place "either" after "men".]
Kate gets up to refill her coffee cup and asks, [I love your transition here.]
We have two ladies who may have helped some guys have the last smile as they crossed over. [Not while I have a mouthful of coffee!]
Again, consider the novel!
Jay
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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This is damn fun! You have such a wild imagination, Terry! And you've woven together a fine plot. I think it should be the initial chapter of a novel, personally.
Only one thing to look at, and a few comments I made:
"We have evidence two women had been either with four of the men at the time of the heart attack or shortly before death." [Do you mind if I offer a suggestion here on placement of "either"? I stumbled at your meaning, and I think your intention will be clearer if you place "either" after "men".]
Kate gets up to refill her coffee cup and asks, [I love your transition here.]
We have two ladies who may have helped some guys have the last smile as they crossed over. [Not while I have a mouthful of coffee!]
Again, consider the novel!
Jay
Comment Written 04-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Thank you for reading and note on the edit. Terry.
Comment from Spitfire
A well-plotted read. Quite the idea of betting money on who would die first! Winning ten thousand dollars a month makes a motive. I know a guy who did have a heart attack during the act, but his wife called 911 and he survived. I like the doctor as a suspect too. Viagra can keep a man's penis stiff for hours--come to think of it, a woman 'riding' him that long could get a heart attack too!
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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A well-plotted read. Quite the idea of betting money on who would die first! Winning ten thousand dollars a month makes a motive. I know a guy who did have a heart attack during the act, but his wife called 911 and he survived. I like the doctor as a suspect too. Viagra can keep a man's penis stiff for hours--come to think of it, a woman 'riding' him that long could get a heart attack too!
Comment Written 04-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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LOL, Thank you for reading, and the idea. Terry.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Remind me to check on what lottery is currently active when, and if, I ever have to check into one of these places. Creepy.
Para 11, 2nd sentence: Remove comma after (But) A comma isn't usually needed after a conjunction.
Para 10, 1st sentence: Remove comma after (But) A comma isn't usually needed after a conjunction.
There's your motive. Wait a minute. Is this your way of telling us you are being published by Random House?
Nice tale. Screwy enough to actually be true and yet fun enough for ... who cares?
Good job.
Very last word (Villiage) should be (Village)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Remind me to check on what lottery is currently active when, and if, I ever have to check into one of these places. Creepy.
Para 11, 2nd sentence: Remove comma after (But) A comma isn't usually needed after a conjunction.
Para 10, 1st sentence: Remove comma after (But) A comma isn't usually needed after a conjunction.
There's your motive. Wait a minute. Is this your way of telling us you are being published by Random House?
Nice tale. Screwy enough to actually be true and yet fun enough for ... who cares?
Good job.
Very last word (Villiage) should be (Village)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Thank you for reading and finding the edits, Terry.
Comment from lyenochka
What a hilarious Whodunnit! And I would think the two suspects would not implicate themselves in the book they are about to publish! The plot was interesting but I hope the ladies don't get away with it.
Don't know if you already fixed these. I didn't get to reading it until now.
"Exactly; how do you think that occurred? (This doesn't have end quotes and I wondered if that was intentional as that indicates the same speaker is continuing in the next paragraph.) I got rather lost as to knowing who was speaking at times so more speech tags would help.
"Uncomplicated it for me." (Uncomplicate it)
Retirement Villiage." (Village)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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What a hilarious Whodunnit! And I would think the two suspects would not implicate themselves in the book they are about to publish! The plot was interesting but I hope the ladies don't get away with it.
Don't know if you already fixed these. I didn't get to reading it until now.
"Exactly; how do you think that occurred? (This doesn't have end quotes and I wondered if that was intentional as that indicates the same speaker is continuing in the next paragraph.) I got rather lost as to knowing who was speaking at times so more speech tags would help.
"Uncomplicated it for me." (Uncomplicate it)
Retirement Villiage." (Village)
Comment Written 03-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Thank you for reading and the edits. Terry.
Comment from nomi338
Just as you cannot keep a good man down. You cannot keep a good story, of salacious sex, money, and gambling from being told and sold. This story will be everywhere in short order and some heads are going to roll.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Just as you cannot keep a good man down. You cannot keep a good story, of salacious sex, money, and gambling from being told and sold. This story will be everywhere in short order and some heads are going to roll.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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LOL, thank you for reading. Terry.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
Wow! Terry what an interesting concept for a story. I was not prepared for the ending. I was left feeling maybe they did it. These two old broads outsmarted even the cops. lol This is a cleverly written mystery /murder or not murder story. Well-done my friend.
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reply by the author on 03-Sep-2022
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Wow! Terry what an interesting concept for a story. I was not prepared for the ending. I was left feeling maybe they did it. These two old broads outsmarted even the cops. lol This is a cleverly written mystery /murder or not murder story. Well-done my friend.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2022
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Sandra, thank you for the wonderful review! Terry
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You are welcome. It was a good read.
