The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "The Return Chapter 33"Erotic Turmoil
35 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
That was spooky! I think you did a great job describing that division of Margot from Meg's body. But so much has been left unknown and undone that I wonder if they can stop that murder from happening.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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That was spooky! I think you did a great job describing that division of Margot from Meg's body. But so much has been left unknown and undone that I wonder if they can stop that murder from happening.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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They are certainly running out of time, and still no real clue as to who is planning to murder Meg, only a suspicion.
Thank you so much for this great review, dear Helen, and the golden star! That was so nice of you. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This chapter seemed tricky to write, Sandra. There were so many parts/actions to figure into it. You did a great job. I enjoyed reading
it. Yes, Margot had to enter that room even if she didn't want to.
Something, or someone, drew her into it. I liked the comment Bessie
made about ghosts. You handled the replaying of the death scene
well. It seemed to start after Margot touched the desk--like that
was the stimulus to start it. The way you had Meg and Margot
meet was great--even surprised Bessie. You really tugged at the
readers' heart when Miles and Meg left Margot standing there
with Bessie. Now, there's a new player on the scene to help solve
this case. It'll be interesting to see what Bessie and Margot come
up with as plan two. Time is short and they both know it. I believe
when Margot returns (soon) to her time, there will be a Miles. He's
been there just as Margot has--back in time for the same reason
possibly. So, when they both return, they will be there for each
other to continue their romance. . . .And Bessie knows it!
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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This chapter seemed tricky to write, Sandra. There were so many parts/actions to figure into it. You did a great job. I enjoyed reading
it. Yes, Margot had to enter that room even if she didn't want to.
Something, or someone, drew her into it. I liked the comment Bessie
made about ghosts. You handled the replaying of the death scene
well. It seemed to start after Margot touched the desk--like that
was the stimulus to start it. The way you had Meg and Margot
meet was great--even surprised Bessie. You really tugged at the
readers' heart when Miles and Meg left Margot standing there
with Bessie. Now, there's a new player on the scene to help solve
this case. It'll be interesting to see what Bessie and Margot come
up with as plan two. Time is short and they both know it. I believe
when Margot returns (soon) to her time, there will be a Miles. He's
been there just as Margot has--back in time for the same reason
possibly. So, when they both return, they will be there for each
other to continue their romance. . . .And Bessie knows it!
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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LOL! Jan, I love your reviews! You go beyond the beyond, and I love it. I am not saying if you are right or wrong, or what parts might be right, and what parts are totally wrong. Suffice to say, I'm over the moon you are so into my story! The golden star is the icing on top of this fabulous review. Thank you! Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
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😊🐈⬛❤️
Comment from judiverse
This is really powerful. The scene in which they go into Crawley's study at the time of his death is really vivid. It's really an emotional time for Meg to go back to the house. It's confusing to Meg to discover Margot. Margot has to deal with the fact that now Miles and Meg will be together, despite the attraction she had felt for him. Bessie and Margo still have to trap the murderer. Very suspenseful. judi
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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This is really powerful. The scene in which they go into Crawley's study at the time of his death is really vivid. It's really an emotional time for Meg to go back to the house. It's confusing to Meg to discover Margot. Margot has to deal with the fact that now Miles and Meg will be together, despite the attraction she had felt for him. Bessie and Margo still have to trap the murderer. Very suspenseful. judi
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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I'm so pleased you liked this chapter, it was quite a tough one to write. Now things have changed with Meg on the scene, Margot and Bessie have some thinking to do, and time is fast running out.
Thank you so much for the golden star, my friend, I really appreciated it. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
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You're very welcome. I'm enjoying it, and best of luck with your upcoming chapters. judi
Comment from Shirley McLain
The way I see it Meg being separated from Margot is a problem. This chapter was well written, with action, tension and emotion. You did a great job and I enjoyed the read, as always. Shirley
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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The way I see it Meg being separated from Margot is a problem. This chapter was well written, with action, tension and emotion. You did a great job and I enjoyed the read, as always. Shirley
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much, Shirley, you're comments put a big smile on my face. And a big hug for the golden sixth star!! Love and hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow, so much happened here. It was vivid and frightening.
Some notes:
Lord Crawley was sitting at his desk, bent forward with his face laid on the blotting pad, and a gaping hole in the top of his head. He'd clearly held the gun under his chin and fired. [Since what followed, Sandra, is his wife coming in (probably having heard the report), and blood is mentioned ... I think you should describe the blood and perhaps the splatter first, here. Just a thought.]
Her attention was taken from the grim, bloodcurdling scene, [bloodcurdling, seems a tad overused.]
Her tears were left to run unchecked as she quietly whimpered and lamented her loss. [I love the detail you used to describe her devotion and tenderness.]
She'd heard somewhere that it can help. [This is tricky, but I believe "can" should be changed to "could" since you are using the past tense.]
The pain that engulfed her was so intense it felt almost physical. In that moment a part of her died. [Oh ... ouch!]
all you've done with Miles are now her memories. [All this makes some cockamamie sense]
Her death is supposed to happen the day after tomorrow!' [Great! the ticking clock again.]
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Wow, so much happened here. It was vivid and frightening.
Some notes:
Lord Crawley was sitting at his desk, bent forward with his face laid on the blotting pad, and a gaping hole in the top of his head. He'd clearly held the gun under his chin and fired. [Since what followed, Sandra, is his wife coming in (probably having heard the report), and blood is mentioned ... I think you should describe the blood and perhaps the splatter first, here. Just a thought.]
Her attention was taken from the grim, bloodcurdling scene, [bloodcurdling, seems a tad overused.]
Her tears were left to run unchecked as she quietly whimpered and lamented her loss. [I love the detail you used to describe her devotion and tenderness.]
She'd heard somewhere that it can help. [This is tricky, but I believe "can" should be changed to "could" since you are using the past tense.]
The pain that engulfed her was so intense it felt almost physical. In that moment a part of her died. [Oh ... ouch!]
all you've done with Miles are now her memories. [All this makes some cockamamie sense]
Her death is supposed to happen the day after tomorrow!' [Great! the ticking clock again.]
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Thank you so very much, Jay, for another helpful review. I'll increase the gory scene with a bit more blood when I've finished answering the reviews. I've got rid of 'bloodcurdling' and replaced it now with 'grim, stomach-churning scene' and changed 'can' to 'could'! Thank you for that help. I'll do the blood scene in my MS Word first, and then copy and paste it over. You've been a great help, and I thank you for it.
Yes, the clock is ticking again, and going faster than Margot and Bessie would like.
Sending you a big hug, my friend. Love Sandra xx
Comment from Pantygynt
This must have been a most difficult chapter to write. It seems to me like the beginning ofc the climax of the book and i am concerned thait may not be working as effectively as it might.
I am not at all sure about your use of italics in a large portion of the first part off the post. You are a writer who uses italics for 'thought' passages but these are not thoughts. To my mind the trouble with this use of italics is that once established they cannot be used for anything else.
I cannot at this stage offer any assistance. I would have to see how it all pans out first. Don't get me wrong, it will be possible to sort it out but I can't say how at this stage.
Perhaps it's just me but i think this is going to need substantial tinkering with. Perhaps Judy has the answer.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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This must have been a most difficult chapter to write. It seems to me like the beginning ofc the climax of the book and i am concerned thait may not be working as effectively as it might.
I am not at all sure about your use of italics in a large portion of the first part off the post. You are a writer who uses italics for 'thought' passages but these are not thoughts. To my mind the trouble with this use of italics is that once established they cannot be used for anything else.
I cannot at this stage offer any assistance. I would have to see how it all pans out first. Don't get me wrong, it will be possible to sort it out but I can't say how at this stage.
Perhaps it's just me but i think this is going to need substantial tinkering with. Perhaps Judy has the answer.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Yes, it's racing to the end now. I have changed the italics to Comic Sans due to your thoughts. I'll do that with the other visions she's had. This was a major part that had to be strong enough the shock Meg and part her from Margot.
Judy has been through this chapter, and I've made a couple changes from her suggestions. We went over it a couple of times to get it right. I will be adding a little more description of the blood scene. Jay thought I should because I only mention it when Lady Crawley is nursing his head trying to cover the hole.
Thanks Jim, I always value your reviews, and act on them. Like you, once the book is finished, I'll be going over it again, and again... Lol Thanks again, my friend. Sandra xx
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Glad to have helped a bit with this. I think that 'thinks passages' should have a unique punctuation mark that would be used in a similar fashion to speech marks. somerhing like that. Another problem with using italics is that it wouldn't be possible when writing in longhand and most examination papers are written in longhand.
Comment from lancellot
Good chapter, even I felt bad for Margot. You did a good job showing her clear distress and making the reader understand the reasons, logically and emotionally. Great work. On to the next phase of the plan.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Good chapter, even I felt bad for Margot. You did a good job showing her clear distress and making the reader understand the reasons, logically and emotionally. Great work. On to the next phase of the plan.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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What a lovely review, Lancellot, thank you so very much! Yes, now Bessie and Margot will have to have a rethink and hopefully work out who wants Meg dead. With only two days left, they aren't doing very well! Thank you for the golden sixth star, my friend, I really appreciate both. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from royowen
I must admit this episode took me by surprise, so well done you. And you managed to communicate Margot's distress at not really being to share the love of Miles on a more permanent basis, and even Bessie couldn't understand, so you've limited her a little now, there are obviously other forces at work, but you've already explained those. And you've got all bases covered. Beautifully written my friend, loved this Sandra, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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I must admit this episode took me by surprise, so well done you. And you managed to communicate Margot's distress at not really being to share the love of Miles on a more permanent basis, and even Bessie couldn't understand, so you've limited her a little now, there are obviously other forces at work, but you've already explained those. And you've got all bases covered. Beautifully written my friend, loved this Sandra, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Aw, thank you, Roy, that is such a wonderful review! I'm so pleased you liked this chapter. Things are coming to a head now as we get ever closer to the end. Thanks, dear friend. Love and hugs. Sandra xx
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Well done Sandra
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I loved the reference to Margot losing her soulmate to another woman. I LOVE stories and poems about soulmates. That one line would make a great seed to a totally separate short story, when you need to flex a few writing muscles. Kate xx
Note:
faded; Margot > not subclause. Two distinct complete sentences.
Except, she was > think comma not needed
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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I loved the reference to Margot losing her soulmate to another woman. I LOVE stories and poems about soulmates. That one line would make a great seed to a totally separate short story, when you need to flex a few writing muscles. Kate xx
Note:
faded; Margot > not subclause. Two distinct complete sentences.
Except, she was > think comma not needed
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Actually, I like that idea of a separate short story, Kate. My minds buzzing already!! Lol.
Thank you so much for this lovely review, my friend, and for telling me about my nits. I'll get those sorted ASAP. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. Love and hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Judy Lawless
You've written another intriguing chapter, Sandra. I feel sorry for Margot and I wonder how you will bring this to a conclusion. So many possibilities. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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You've written another intriguing chapter, Sandra. I feel sorry for Margot and I wonder how you will bring this to a conclusion. So many possibilities. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Things will start happening fast now, Judy, and there will be a few shocks in store for my characters as we get ever closer to the end. I'm glad you are still enjoying my story, thanks so much for the lovely review and for the bright golden star!! Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
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You are most welcome, Sandra. I hope I don't miss your posts while I'm away. lol If I do, I'll get to them when I return.