The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer #4"America's First Female Comic
32 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
Many ways of looking at the South, the racism, and the angles there be, and though I am not particular in ways of KKK or hearing about them, they are a part of someone's history, and a view through character and the author's mindset and, perhaps, still a part amoung quiet thoughts today. Yet it worries me not, because as said, untouchable is love, strength and resolution, because they bring dignity...and such have I , so I view this through an objective angle, for there would be so many realities as this.
Your character is excellent. She could go on in a best seller, for each chapter she becomes as real, as anybodies grandmother, and the accent and dialogues are perfectly balanced...takes the reader to time and place.
Best wishes.
Have a great day.
RG
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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Many ways of looking at the South, the racism, and the angles there be, and though I am not particular in ways of KKK or hearing about them, they are a part of someone's history, and a view through character and the author's mindset and, perhaps, still a part amoung quiet thoughts today. Yet it worries me not, because as said, untouchable is love, strength and resolution, because they bring dignity...and such have I , so I view this through an objective angle, for there would be so many realities as this.
Your character is excellent. She could go on in a best seller, for each chapter she becomes as real, as anybodies grandmother, and the accent and dialogues are perfectly balanced...takes the reader to time and place.
Best wishes.
Have a great day.
RG
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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RG, I want to drag down your words here because they mean so much to me. "[...] untouchable is love, strength and resolution, because they bring dignity...and such have I [...] It IS so hard to bring DIGNITY to such a quagmire of evil from both sides of the Civil War conflict. But you, looking back at a period that must be painful, still stand above it in "love, strength and resolution. And, indeed, that does bring DIGNITY!
Thank you, dear friend, for your usual support. And yes, for the six lovely stars.
Jay
Comment from in777wr#
This is a well written scene. It was captivating from beginning to end. The feared slave revolt by farmers, the death of Miss Albright, any the many occurrence in this script was interesting. Nice job.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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This is a well written scene. It was captivating from beginning to end. The feared slave revolt by farmers, the death of Miss Albright, any the many occurrence in this script was interesting. Nice job.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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I'm thrilled that you enjoyed reading this script. Thank you for your kind words, and the sparklies.
Jay
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Annmuma
It's like ya'all's sittin' in a tub o' muggy, till all at once't a chill slaps ya like a washrag 'crost yer face. -- I have never heard 'northerner' better described!
A very good scene. One of the nice things about your scripts is that a reader can drop in during middle and still enjoy the entire story. The characters are so well developed and easy to connect with. ann
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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It's like ya'all's sittin' in a tub o' muggy, till all at once't a chill slaps ya like a washrag 'crost yer face. -- I have never heard 'northerner' better described!
A very good scene. One of the nice things about your scripts is that a reader can drop in during middle and still enjoy the entire story. The characters are so well developed and easy to connect with. ann
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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Awwwww, you've given me such a high compliment, Ann. Thank you so much, and for the sparkly stars.
Comment from BethShelby
I am really enjoying this script. I was surprised when I looked up Fanny Barnwarmer in a search engine I managed to get so many hits all of the showing you as the writer of the story. Have you written this story before? I just wanted to know if she was real but I guess you created her. I love her personality and her dialect. This is very entertaining story and I look forward to more.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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I am really enjoying this script. I was surprised when I looked up Fanny Barnwarmer in a search engine I managed to get so many hits all of the showing you as the writer of the story. Have you written this story before? I just wanted to know if she was real but I guess you created her. I love her personality and her dialect. This is very entertaining story and I look forward to more.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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No, Beth, I've not written about her before. Total invention. I'm surprised myself to find her in the search engines. Not bad at all, but it makes me wonder if you click on that search engine link where it will take you. If it's to FS and the clicker isn't a member it won't do much good. (I just checked it, and sure enough, it takes me to my FanStory page.) So odd!
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I found a couple of things I wrote that way but you are far more famous. Most of the Beth Shelby's committed crimes or died. LOL There is a Jay Squires who has written a lot of books. Is that you?
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I've written a few. There is a Jay Squires who is a Gay rights attorney in Florida. He also has written some books.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Great chapter, Jay. I enjoy your writing and have fallen in love with this character, Fanny. She has a refreshing depth and resilience that brings you on that front porch with her. She is someone we would all love to know. You're a talented writer, Jay.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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Great chapter, Jay. I enjoy your writing and have fallen in love with this character, Fanny. She has a refreshing depth and resilience that brings you on that front porch with her. She is someone we would all love to know. You're a talented writer, Jay.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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You are so very kind, John. You've given me such a high compliment. I only hope Fanny continues to live up to the hype! LOL, thanks for the lovely stars as well!
Comment from Shirley McLain
I usually don't read scripts, and I'm certainly not into them, but this one grabbed me. I like the story line and Miss Fanny. I'm looking forward to the next segment. Have a blessed Sunday. Shirley
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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I usually don't read scripts, and I'm certainly not into them, but this one grabbed me. I like the story line and Miss Fanny. I'm looking forward to the next segment. Have a blessed Sunday. Shirley
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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What a delight to hear from you on this scene, Shirly. And with a six star rating! You're gonna give Miss Fanny the big head.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
I rarely read scripts but I do find this enthralling... not a word I use lightly. lol
I did see a couple of things that you may want to cast your eye over in terms of consistency of presentation -
muggy, till all at once't a chill slaps / But not 'till you knowed my daddy- look at the presentation of till here, just for consistency.
The negroes eyes ...?- I think you might need an apostrophe in here for possession.
But miss Fanny, I don't understand. - capitalise Miss here.
those negroes eyes? - apostrophe?
Afore long, they's fears- when afore is used earlier you have an apostrophe before it. (maybe change the first one earlier given you don't use it after this and then you do. It seems you use the apostrophe when it's lower case and not when upper case. i think it needs to be one or the other throughout.
The MESSENGER Ascends steps, - lower case for ascends.
The last couple of entries of dialogue have changed to bold.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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Hi Jay,
I rarely read scripts but I do find this enthralling... not a word I use lightly. lol
I did see a couple of things that you may want to cast your eye over in terms of consistency of presentation -
muggy, till all at once't a chill slaps / But not 'till you knowed my daddy- look at the presentation of till here, just for consistency.
The negroes eyes ...?- I think you might need an apostrophe in here for possession.
But miss Fanny, I don't understand. - capitalise Miss here.
those negroes eyes? - apostrophe?
Afore long, they's fears- when afore is used earlier you have an apostrophe before it. (maybe change the first one earlier given you don't use it after this and then you do. It seems you use the apostrophe when it's lower case and not when upper case. i think it needs to be one or the other throughout.
The MESSENGER Ascends steps, - lower case for ascends.
The last couple of entries of dialogue have changed to bold.
All the best
G
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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All great help, G. I will take your suggestions to the FS Edit later so I can make them all at once. You are greatly appreciated. I'm going to try to give you the reviewer nod, but I think I already have this month. We'll see.
About the font at the end. There is also a change in the spacing there you'll notice. It's because I added that whole "block" of text after I had already made all the adjustment that I normally make. I tried everything I knew, but the only way to make it consistent with the other text is to download the entirety and start from square one. Unfortunately, I'm not up to that!
Again, G, thank you for all you do!
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no worries. Loving this piece.
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
I lost myself in this. It gave me goosebumps. I could actually see the old lady sitting there talking. This is incredibly powerful and impressive. A lot of people would not have handled Fanny's way of speaking, but I barely noticed it. Great job. I must read more!
One question: In Fanny's first speech there are 2 asterisks that I found no reference to unless I missed something or it refers to a previous scene?
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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I lost myself in this. It gave me goosebumps. I could actually see the old lady sitting there talking. This is incredibly powerful and impressive. A lot of people would not have handled Fanny's way of speaking, but I barely noticed it. Great job. I must read more!
One question: In Fanny's first speech there are 2 asterisks that I found no reference to unless I missed something or it refers to a previous scene?
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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The asterisks are explained in the author's notes, but beneath the mention of the picture I used. It simply gives a little background on the "Poor Richard's Almanac". I feared it might be lost on many European readers. Thank you for bringing that up.
I hope you know how much it means to me that simple words that came from my tired old noggin brought goosebumps. I hope this won't be your last time reading my play, Malcolm. Thank you Sir, and for the lovely stars.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent script my friend! The storyline was very captivating and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters interact nicely together and the imagery is spot on;-)
Thank you for sharing and many blessings to you and your family!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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Excellent script my friend! The storyline was very captivating and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters interact nicely together and the imagery is spot on;-)
Thank you for sharing and many blessings to you and your family!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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Ahhhhh, good to see you back, Melodie. I'm so happy the script is still resonating with you. I hope to see you at the next showing. We will actually see Fanny perform! Bless you, friend. You keep the music in my heart!
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;-)
Comment from royowen
Such a great time to be living, the 1800s around the Civil War. We visited the war sites, including the revolutionary site of Williamsburg. You had to hear the alter'r play their flute.and you've made your characters shine in the light of those Terrific characters, and the stylish but throughly deserving accolades for this script, well done Jay, blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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Such a great time to be living, the 1800s around the Civil War. We visited the war sites, including the revolutionary site of Williamsburg. You had to hear the alter'r play their flute.and you've made your characters shine in the light of those Terrific characters, and the stylish but throughly deserving accolades for this script, well done Jay, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2022
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I'm an American and I've never been to the Civil War sites, or the Revolutionary War sites. I wish I had The closest I've been to Lincoln is the Disneyland showing. Thank you so much for your review, Roy. Now I can go to bed. Roy has visited. LOL.
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Well done