The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Return Chapter 3"Erotic Turmoil
42 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
This is a very intriguing story and I'm sure your other readers are enjoying it as much as I am.
A couple of thoughts for you to ponder on:
It seemed her decision not to dwell on the amorous ghost any more, and put him right out of her mind, had worked. - I might have said '..., and to put him...' but it's probably okay as it is.
She was a bright character and fun to have around. She was also a font of information regarding the history of the house, which was an added bonus. - rather than have two sentences beginning with 'she', the second could be rewritten as 'An added bonus was that she was a font of information regarding the history of the house.' And should it be 'fount' of information? Maybe either is okay.
They both worked at a steady pace, Bessie asking if she wanted to keep, or chuck, certain items as she held them up. - I might have used 'discard' rather than 'chuck'
Looking around at the others still to be checked, - maybe 'Looking around at the trunks still to be checked...'
When memories of events that couldn't possibly have happened, vividly assaulted her mind, she tried to turn away, but couldn't. - delete comma after 'happened'
Bessie jumped up beside her. Taking hold of Margot's arm, she asked her what was wrong. 'You look like you's seen a ghost!' - I might have changed this a little. 'Bessie jumped up beside her. Taking hold of Margot's arm, she said/whispered, 'You look like you's seen a ghost!'
Not wanting to spend any more time in the attic, and not wanting to share what had just happened to her, Margot shook her head and dismissed it. - Maybe 'Margot shook her head dismissively'
'Nothing, I just felt someone walk over my grave,' she told Bessie, instead. - delete 'instead'
Margot was gobsmacked, and much to Bessie's astonishment, she laughed. - I don't know how to explain it but I think, by using words like 'chuck' and 'gobsmacked', you're allowing your own personality to intrude. I hope that makes sense. :(
The shelves, although quite spartan, had a few books on each one. - delete 'one'
Margot sat on the chair and opened one of the cupboards underneath the desk's tabletop, and discovered bottles of whiskey, brandy, and port. - maybe delete 'tabletop' and alter to '...underneath the desk, discovering bottles of whiskey, brandy, and port.'
Margot lifted each bottle out - '... lifted out each bottle'
Margot opened one and found writing paper and four fountain pens and ink. - replace first 'and' with a comma.
With best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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This is a very intriguing story and I'm sure your other readers are enjoying it as much as I am.
A couple of thoughts for you to ponder on:
It seemed her decision not to dwell on the amorous ghost any more, and put him right out of her mind, had worked. - I might have said '..., and to put him...' but it's probably okay as it is.
She was a bright character and fun to have around. She was also a font of information regarding the history of the house, which was an added bonus. - rather than have two sentences beginning with 'she', the second could be rewritten as 'An added bonus was that she was a font of information regarding the history of the house.' And should it be 'fount' of information? Maybe either is okay.
They both worked at a steady pace, Bessie asking if she wanted to keep, or chuck, certain items as she held them up. - I might have used 'discard' rather than 'chuck'
Looking around at the others still to be checked, - maybe 'Looking around at the trunks still to be checked...'
When memories of events that couldn't possibly have happened, vividly assaulted her mind, she tried to turn away, but couldn't. - delete comma after 'happened'
Bessie jumped up beside her. Taking hold of Margot's arm, she asked her what was wrong. 'You look like you's seen a ghost!' - I might have changed this a little. 'Bessie jumped up beside her. Taking hold of Margot's arm, she said/whispered, 'You look like you's seen a ghost!'
Not wanting to spend any more time in the attic, and not wanting to share what had just happened to her, Margot shook her head and dismissed it. - Maybe 'Margot shook her head dismissively'
'Nothing, I just felt someone walk over my grave,' she told Bessie, instead. - delete 'instead'
Margot was gobsmacked, and much to Bessie's astonishment, she laughed. - I don't know how to explain it but I think, by using words like 'chuck' and 'gobsmacked', you're allowing your own personality to intrude. I hope that makes sense. :(
The shelves, although quite spartan, had a few books on each one. - delete 'one'
Margot sat on the chair and opened one of the cupboards underneath the desk's tabletop, and discovered bottles of whiskey, brandy, and port. - maybe delete 'tabletop' and alter to '...underneath the desk, discovering bottles of whiskey, brandy, and port.'
Margot lifted each bottle out - '... lifted out each bottle'
Margot opened one and found writing paper and four fountain pens and ink. - replace first 'and' with a comma.
With best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Hi Judy, thank you again for checking over my chapter. I wasn't sure about 'font' and checked it out. It seems that although you can use either, fount is the most accepted. So, fount it is! Thank you for that. I've made the other changes as well. I'm so pleased you are really enjoying this story, Judy, that's so nice to know. Thanks again for this lovely, very helpful review. Warm hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Shirley McLain
Here's you another six for a well written chapter. It is full of tension and action, and you certainly kept it interesting. I'm looking forward to the next one. Have a great day. Shirley
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Here's you another six for a well written chapter. It is full of tension and action, and you certainly kept it interesting. I'm looking forward to the next one. Have a great day. Shirley
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Aww thank you, Shirley! I'm delighted you're enjoying the story, thank you so much for the wonderful review and the lovely sixth star!! You have a lovely week, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow, you're building the suspense factor to a T, Sandra. An excellent job.
As I read, I found only one thing I'd mention for change. A hugely minor (LOL) thing:
This revealed a diary and a well thumbed family Bible. [Well-thumbed needs hyphenation. The rule his is rather simple: "Well" and "thumbed" both modify the noun "Bible". When two or more adjectives modify the noun, but individually they make no sense attached to it: (a "well Bible" and a "thumbed Bible") then they need to be hyphenated. Note that "family" also modifies Bible, but it stands alone since it makes sense with Bible. Hope that helps. It's a little "test" I learned some time ago.
Everything else was spotless and highly entertaining.
Jay
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Wow, you're building the suspense factor to a T, Sandra. An excellent job.
As I read, I found only one thing I'd mention for change. A hugely minor (LOL) thing:
This revealed a diary and a well thumbed family Bible. [Well-thumbed needs hyphenation. The rule his is rather simple: "Well" and "thumbed" both modify the noun "Bible". When two or more adjectives modify the noun, but individually they make no sense attached to it: (a "well Bible" and a "thumbed Bible") then they need to be hyphenated. Note that "family" also modifies Bible, but it stands alone since it makes sense with Bible. Hope that helps. It's a little "test" I learned some time ago.
Everything else was spotless and highly entertaining.
Jay
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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I'm glad you shared that little 'test' with me, Jay, I'll remember that in future. :))
Well, I'm over the moon with your review! That you could only find one error, I'm as gobsmacked as Margot was! Lol. Thank you so very much for starting my day with a huge smile. And I'm sending a humongous hug for the sixth star!! I'm so glad you are liking my story, my friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, it seems that Margot is some reincarnation of Meg, especially since she seems to have some memories that belonged to Meg. The house seems more than haunted as it keeps changing. I think Bessie must be some kind of ghost, too, as her outdated view of coffee comes from a century before!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Oh, it seems that Margot is some reincarnation of Meg, especially since she seems to have some memories that belonged to Meg. The house seems more than haunted as it keeps changing. I think Bessie must be some kind of ghost, too, as her outdated view of coffee comes from a century before!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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There is something about that house! You are really catching the clues, Helen, more will be coming. Thank you so much, my friend, I really enjoyed reading your review. Have a wonderful week! Love and hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from aryr
A fantastic continuation chapter, Sandra. I am so glad Margot had Bessie to be supportive and very helpful. Bessie tried to explain to Margot about coffee and her reluctance to such. Margot advised Bessie of the disbelief of coffee and convinced her to try some. Bessie was amazed. Margot was amazed by the writing desk, who indeed kept an assortment of liqueurs there. She then found the dairy and the bible and the date of birth of Meg. Interesting and exciting. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Blessing, hugs and smiles.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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A fantastic continuation chapter, Sandra. I am so glad Margot had Bessie to be supportive and very helpful. Bessie tried to explain to Margot about coffee and her reluctance to such. Margot advised Bessie of the disbelief of coffee and convinced her to try some. Bessie was amazed. Margot was amazed by the writing desk, who indeed kept an assortment of liqueurs there. She then found the dairy and the bible and the date of birth of Meg. Interesting and exciting. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Blessing, hugs and smiles.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Ali, for this lovely review. I'm always so pleased to read your comments on the chapter. And, I'm also over the moon that you are enjoying the story. Have a lovely week, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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You are so welcome, Sandra. You as well have a great week. I am really enjoying this.
Comment from blondie560
Sandra I'm loving this story. It will be fun to unravel the mysteries you're putting forth. My first question wonders if Bessie is part of the mystery, or is she just a fun character for some comic relief? I can't wait to read more. Enjoy your week. Hoping all is well with you. Hugs :) Sally
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Sandra I'm loving this story. It will be fun to unravel the mysteries you're putting forth. My first question wonders if Bessie is part of the mystery, or is she just a fun character for some comic relief? I can't wait to read more. Enjoy your week. Hoping all is well with you. Hugs :) Sally
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Bessie is a big part of it, so yes, to that question!! Thank you so much for this lovely review and for the golden star award, Sally, I love reading your thoughts each week. The plot is only just starting to unravel, so many surprises in store! Sending love and hugs, my dear friend, and have a wonderful week! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
I'd have gone straight for the diary. And read it over a glass of brandy. I'd want to know who lived there and why they left. Maybe the ghost didn't want them there and ran them off. Funny how some things, like the dress, are so well preserved and others are not. What else can this ghost do?
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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I'd have gone straight for the diary. And read it over a glass of brandy. I'd want to know who lived there and why they left. Maybe the ghost didn't want them there and ran them off. Funny how some things, like the dress, are so well preserved and others are not. What else can this ghost do?
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Cindy! The diary will come in soon and will almost be a whole chapter in itself. You'll find out more about the ghost soon, as well. Thank you for your lovely review, it tells me you are really reading it and thinking. That's so very encouraging!! Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another excellent chapter, Sandra. You've created great suspense with the Bible notations, and hints of what the person who used the desk might have been like. Can't wait to see what happens next!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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This is another excellent chapter, Sandra. You've created great suspense with the Bible notations, and hints of what the person who used the desk might have been like. Can't wait to see what happens next!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Judy, for this great review. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying my story. It's all happening in her new home, lol. Thanks, my friend. Have a lovely day. :)) Sandra xx
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You're welcome, Sandra. I'm am enjoying it.
Comment from royowen
I wish I'd known about coffee before, but then I would have missed out on two delights of my life, my two daughters, and of course I wouldn't have had grandchildren either. You do these time travelling one's very well Sandra, that's one way of living eternally. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Question : Woken or awakened?
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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I wish I'd known about coffee before, but then I would have missed out on two delights of my life, my two daughters, and of course I wouldn't have had grandchildren either. You do these time travelling one's very well Sandra, that's one way of living eternally. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Question : Woken or awakened?
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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Lol! And I wouldn't have had my two lovely sons or my grandson. And the amount of coffee my late husband had, goes to prove how wrong that myth was.
I have a confession, I had to go and Google woken vs awakened, and was so surprised to see I've been wrong for years!!!! So, thank you so very much for putting that 'question' to me, no one else has. I've learned something in my 75 years, that I should have known long, long ago! I blame my teachers, lol.
Thank you, Roy, for another lovely review, I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. All the questions I've had over the last two chapters will soon be answered ... well, soon, meaning shortly but not yet! Lol. Now tell me that didn't confuse you! Warm hugs, my dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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You couldn?t shake me, you?re too kind. A lot of poets will sacrifice grammar for meter, a pet peeve of mine, and Americans use drug instead of dragged, but then?c?est la vie.
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I've noticed that, but, like you, I wouldn't say anything. Goodnight, my friend, it's way past my bedtime. xxx
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Early morning here, great test series.
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Graham's not impressed with the cricket!! Lol. xxx
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Graham's not impressed with the cricket!! Lol. xxx
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Sorry Sandra, I felt sorry for them Sandra
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Graham said they got what they deserved! (whoops!) xx
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I feel sorry for them, everybody has their day
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That's true. They'll bounce back one day and win the ashes again. :)) xx
When are you going to start your book publishing? I think you should start straight away!!
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSSeries bonussssss in advance! SSSSSSandra--this is the last time I can review--my membership expires at 5pm. I'll try to keep tabs on my fans' work--I'll do some reading here and there whenever I stop by to check and reply to messages--my first priority is to maintain correspondence with everyone who wants to. Keep up the great work. Cheersssssss. LIZ
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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SSSSSSeries bonussssss in advance! SSSSSSandra--this is the last time I can review--my membership expires at 5pm. I'll try to keep tabs on my fans' work--I'll do some reading here and there whenever I stop by to check and reply to messages--my first priority is to maintain correspondence with everyone who wants to. Keep up the great work. Cheersssssss. LIZ
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
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I'll miss you, Liz, but I'm glad you will still be popping in. It is hard keeping up with the reading, writing and reviewing. I'll make sure I set my watsit (?) to allow standards to read my work. I have always valued your input and will miss not having yours to read.
Thank you so much for this amazing sixth star, coming from you it means such a lot. Take care out there in the big world, stay safe and enjoy your life. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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As I say, I'll be keeping up with correspondence--if I don't catch you first--message me and I'll respond!