The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Return Chapter 1"Erotic Turmoil
45 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Those steps back in time, mentally or otherwise, are always entertaining. Especially, when someone is wrapping invisible arms about you, caressing, and breathing on the back of your neck. I'm excited to see what happens next. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Those steps back in time, mentally or otherwise, are always entertaining. Especially, when someone is wrapping invisible arms about you, caressing, and breathing on the back of your neck. I'm excited to see what happens next. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Ric, for another really nice reviews. This ghost is a persistant one, I wonder why! Lol. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and want to read more. That's what I want to read!! Lol. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is very well-written, Sandra, with just the right amount of intrigue and suspense, to keep us wanting more. Since it's listed as general fiction, it's hard to know if it will be a mystery or a love story, or perhaps both. I look forward to finding out. I didn't see any errors.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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This is very well-written, Sandra, with just the right amount of intrigue and suspense, to keep us wanting more. Since it's listed as general fiction, it's hard to know if it will be a mystery or a love story, or perhaps both. I look forward to finding out. I didn't see any errors.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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I couldn't think what to put it under, but you're right, it is a romance and a mystery, but with a few more elements to it. I might be able to put a name to it once I've written some more. I'm glad you enjoyed reading chapter one. Thank you so much the nice review, my friend, I really appreciated it. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
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You're welcome, Sandra. I understand your uncertainty about choosing a category. There needs to be many more sub-categories.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
You are a very good writer. You immediately grabbed my attention and with a concise first chapter you make me want to keep reading immediately. You have set the stage for a fast-moving, thoughtful, suspenseful, and possibly spiritually-oriented book.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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You are a very good writer. You immediately grabbed my attention and with a concise first chapter you make me want to keep reading immediately. You have set the stage for a fast-moving, thoughtful, suspenseful, and possibly spiritually-oriented book.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Theodord, for your really lovely review, and a big thank you for the compliment! I'm so pleased you enjoyed chapter one. Thank you! Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from JudyE
This promises to be a very intriguing story. I'm looking forward to reading more of it.
Just a couple of small thoughts:
'So, do you live around these parts?' Mr Reid asked amiably to break the silence. - I might have said '....asked amiably, breaking the silence.
'I live in a flat in the middle of the highstreet above Mandles Grocery Store. It's so handy for my needs' - should 'high street' be two words? And period needed after 'needs'
'Let's take a look inside shall we?' - comma needed after 'inside'
'It's lovely; much prettier than the picture,' she said, her voice so soft, the words were more like a whisper on a breeze passing by. - delete comma after 'soft'
Standing there, still smiling, Margot had the sudden notion she wasn't alone. She wasn't frightened, far from it, it was rather comforting. Obviously a house of this age is going to have its ghosts. It's quite nice really. -you've changed tense here. Maybe it should be 'Obviously a house of this age was going to have its ghosts. It was quite nice really.'
With best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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This promises to be a very intriguing story. I'm looking forward to reading more of it.
Just a couple of small thoughts:
'So, do you live around these parts?' Mr Reid asked amiably to break the silence. - I might have said '....asked amiably, breaking the silence.
'I live in a flat in the middle of the highstreet above Mandles Grocery Store. It's so handy for my needs' - should 'high street' be two words? And period needed after 'needs'
'Let's take a look inside shall we?' - comma needed after 'inside'
'It's lovely; much prettier than the picture,' she said, her voice so soft, the words were more like a whisper on a breeze passing by. - delete comma after 'soft'
Standing there, still smiling, Margot had the sudden notion she wasn't alone. She wasn't frightened, far from it, it was rather comforting. Obviously a house of this age is going to have its ghosts. It's quite nice really. -you've changed tense here. Maybe it should be 'Obviously a house of this age was going to have its ghosts. It was quite nice really.'
With best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 03-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Judy, and for your helpful suggestions, which I've used, and I've corrected my comma issues. :)) You'll always spot a few of those! I'm pleased you are going to be coming back again. Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Pantygynt
This chapter creates an essential air of mystery around the house and with the memory of the prologue still in our minds it sets a tingle of anticipation going.
I found the following paragraph a confusion of POV:
'The road out of town was quiet and took them through picturesque woodlands. Margot loved this road. At least my day off would be enjoyable. Even though I've not the slightest desire to move. She smiled and sat back to enjoy the autumnal colours of the trees as they sped past ... sped, being the operative word. Mr Reid wasn't hanging around!'
O perhaps it was a confusion of person. We suddenly go into a first person account before slipping back into third and this is narrative not dialogue.
Apart from that it seems to work very well. I will of course be back for more.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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This chapter creates an essential air of mystery around the house and with the memory of the prologue still in our minds it sets a tingle of anticipation going.
I found the following paragraph a confusion of POV:
'The road out of town was quiet and took them through picturesque woodlands. Margot loved this road. At least my day off would be enjoyable. Even though I've not the slightest desire to move. She smiled and sat back to enjoy the autumnal colours of the trees as they sped past ... sped, being the operative word. Mr Reid wasn't hanging around!'
O perhaps it was a confusion of person. We suddenly go into a first person account before slipping back into third and this is narrative not dialogue.
Apart from that it seems to work very well. I will of course be back for more.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Jim! I've changed that sentence into italics, as it was her thoughts. It was supposed to be that way but I forgot to change it when I copied and pasted it over. I'm sure it used copy over as I'd written it, but that's not the case now. I'm glad you'll be back!! Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from tfawcus
You've created a great hook to ensure your readers stay with you. A remarkable case of deja vu. Can't wait to see how this develops.
Just one part that may need a tweak:
Standing there, still smiling, she had the sudden notion she wasn't alone. [he was frightened?], far from it, it was rather comforting.
This sounds as if it might have been a rhetorical question [Was she frightened?]
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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You've created a great hook to ensure your readers stay with you. A remarkable case of deja vu. Can't wait to see how this develops.
Just one part that may need a tweak:
Standing there, still smiling, she had the sudden notion she wasn't alone. [he was frightened?], far from it, it was rather comforting.
This sounds as if it might have been a rhetorical question [Was she frightened?]
Comment Written 03-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Tony, and that wonderful sixth star. I'm so pleased you enjoyed the first chapter. This is different to my normal stories and it's going to be fun to see how it developes. I'm going to sort that sentence out now, thanks for picking up on that. Have a wonderful week, my friend. :)) Sandra
Comment from Jay Squires
It's lovely to get in at the beginning of one of your novels, Sandra. And this is the type I've been waiting for.
Only one thing I would have you look at:
The road out of town was quiet and took them through picturesque woodlands. Margot loved this road. At least my day off would be enjoyable. [I think it would be better not to use the conditional "would" here, but "will" instead. The "would sounds like it should be followed by an "except..."]
'A few days? I don't understand, it only went in the window yesterday.' [Ahhh, the mystery begins... This is the kind of story I like to read of yours.]
Whew! What a dynamite last couple of paragraphs. Yes, I'm gonna enjoy this book!
BRING IT ON!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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It's lovely to get in at the beginning of one of your novels, Sandra. And this is the type I've been waiting for.
Only one thing I would have you look at:
The road out of town was quiet and took them through picturesque woodlands. Margot loved this road. At least my day off would be enjoyable. [I think it would be better not to use the conditional "would" here, but "will" instead. The "would sounds like it should be followed by an "except..."]
'A few days? I don't understand, it only went in the window yesterday.' [Ahhh, the mystery begins... This is the kind of story I like to read of yours.]
Whew! What a dynamite last couple of paragraphs. Yes, I'm gonna enjoy this book!
BRING IT ON!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you so very much, Jay! What a wonderful review, and humongous hugs for that lovely sixth star. I'll take a look at the sentence, and will probably rewrite it. Thank you for that, my dear friend. It's nice to know I've caught your attention!! Lol. Have a lovely week. Warm hugs Sandra xxx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Here it goes again a new interesting book with a little bit of romance as well the hint of mystery. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Here it goes again a new interesting book with a little bit of romance as well the hint of mystery. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for reading chapter one, and I even happier that you enjoyed it. I hope you'll be back for more. Have a lovely week, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is really well written and quite intriguing. Margot is interesting and has quite a vivid imagination. The only problem is apparently part of a sentence is missing from the second to last paragraph. I'm looking forward to seeing the next part of this story.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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This is really well written and quite intriguing. Margot is interesting and has quite a vivid imagination. The only problem is apparently part of a sentence is missing from the second to last paragraph. I'm looking forward to seeing the next part of this story.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you Carol, for this lovey review and for pointing out that sentence. Goodness knows how that happened, but it's all sorted now. I'm delighted you'll be coming back for more. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from aryr
This was an absolutely great continuation chapter, Sandra. I do so love the concept that the house is haunted and that Margot was indeed contemplating a move. You did very well with this one and it was greatly enjoyed. Hugs, blessings and definitely a smile!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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This was an absolutely great continuation chapter, Sandra. I do so love the concept that the house is haunted and that Margot was indeed contemplating a move. You did very well with this one and it was greatly enjoyed. Hugs, blessings and definitely a smile!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Alie, for another of your wonderful reviews. I'm so chuffed you liked chapter one. Have a wonderful week, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
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You are so very welcome, Sandra, this was great. Hugs.