The quirky thing ...
It runs in the family ....28 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
I wonder what the chances of that are in the real world. I don't say that to discredit the story, wwhich really has a fairytale ending without the fairies. Of course it is quite possible and I hope they will all live happily ever after.
There were one or two places where I lost the thread of who was speaking so maybe some tags are needed, embellished with actions such as 'he said selecting another sandwich' rather than just the tag.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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I wonder what the chances of that are in the real world. I don't say that to discredit the story, wwhich really has a fairytale ending without the fairies. Of course it is quite possible and I hope they will all live happily ever after.
There were one or two places where I lost the thread of who was speaking so maybe some tags are needed, embellished with actions such as 'he said selecting another sandwich' rather than just the tag.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much for reviewing and for your suggestions - I will go back and check and improve it. There may be others who feel similar confusion. But you drew the right conclusion about the punch line. (Some didn't.) Yes .... but truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.
However this one is fiction!
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Wendy dear - oh dear I sneezed three times, LOl - which is common for me. This is a loving and delightful story - though fiction, it tugged my heartstrings. You have such a wonderful way of writing and I always watch for your name!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Wendy dear - oh dear I sneezed three times, LOl - which is common for me. This is a loving and delightful story - though fiction, it tugged my heartstrings. You have such a wonderful way of writing and I always watch for your name!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Hi Sherry, what a wonderful review. Love it. Many thanks for your lovely words.
Wendy
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Oh wow, Wendy, I give you my last sixth star because this was such a wonderful story! Robert and Linda were meant for each other and then came Jack and their plans for marriage were faltered when he found out that she was previously married! Then out in the garden, Robert sneezed three times and in the end, Jack also sneezed three times as well!
So you see? Robert and Linda were meant to be married and Jack would fit in right along!
Have a wonderful day, Wendy this is a super story!
Take good care of yourself, my friend!
Jesse
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Oh wow, Wendy, I give you my last sixth star because this was such a wonderful story! Robert and Linda were meant for each other and then came Jack and their plans for marriage were faltered when he found out that she was previously married! Then out in the garden, Robert sneezed three times and in the end, Jack also sneezed three times as well!
So you see? Robert and Linda were meant to be married and Jack would fit in right along!
Have a wonderful day, Wendy this is a super story!
Take good care of yourself, my friend!
Jesse
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Hi Jesse, thanks for your lovely review and six stars - much appreciated, as always.
Wendy
Comment from royowen
How wonderful,and could it be a coincidence? But of course it isn't. You've done a super job on this dear girl. One needs a decent backstory to generate the interest, great grammatical style can only get you so far. This is a great little story Wendy, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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How wonderful,and could it be a coincidence? But of course it isn't. You've done a super job on this dear girl. One needs a decent backstory to generate the interest, great grammatical style can only get you so far. This is a great little story Wendy, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thanks so much Roy. The idea for a story came because my husband and son, and my son's three little girls (even the baby), all sneeze when they go outside into the sunshine! Lovely review. Many thanks for your time.
Wendy
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I do too, we must be related, heh heh
Comment from TJ70
Great way to tie it together in the end. I've added a few suggestions. I'm new to the sight so I'm not sure the format these are generally posted.
Linda entered the communal sitting room and saw her grandmother Alice, chatting animatedly (chatting and animatedly seem to contradict, maybe gesticulate chatter?) with a new friend.
She greeted her with a kiss, and was introduced to May, a new arrival to the retirement village.She (we have three women in the story now so i'm not sure which "she" this is. Maybe ***introduced to May, a new arrival to the retirement village who was recently widowed***) had been recently widowed.
Linda was pleased to see the fresh sparkle in Alice's eyes as they shared stories. May was from the United States. Her life in the US had been very different from that in Australia, where she had lived for several years with her second husband until his recent death, so there were lots of stories to share. "They are good for each other," Linda thought happily.
Just then a tall man approached with a small posy of flowers for May.
"This is my son, Robert - he's visiting from the US."May's face shone with pleasure.
They all spent an enjoyable afternoon together.
The following weekend, when Linda visited at her usual time, Robert was already there. Robert and Linda soon felt at ease with each other also (I would remove also), and chatted like old friends. The third week, it was the same. He went with her to prepare the afternoon tea, telling her that he had visited Australia every two or three years to visit his mother, but was now planning to move permanently, in order to be closer to her.
"I feel so comfortable and at ease with you," Robert confided, "I have always been very shy with young women, especially since I lost my leg in a motor-bike accident. I felt that no-one would look at me twice." (This is a quote, however it doesn't sound like a person talking. Maybe *** "I have always been very shy around women, because of my leg." Robert lifted his trousers to reveal a prosthetic. "I didn't think anyone would look at me twice.") He lifted his trouser a little to show his prosthesis.
"I understand," she replied. "My father was a violent and abusive man until he died from a heart attack after a drunken rage. I have always been more than a little nervous around men ...."
They laughed, enjoying this new sense of freedom together, having shared their vulnerabilities.
The following week, Linda took her son Jack to visit his great-grandmother. He loved to teach her how to play games on his I-pad.
"How old are you, Jack?" asked Robert. "I'm eight!" Jack replied.
Robert was very thoughtful and quiet during the visit. Finally he suggested a walk in the gardens (to Linda).
"There's something I need to say, Linda", he began. He interrupted himself with three sneezes in rapid succession.
Linda gasped, and looked shocked.
"So sorry. Excuse me. I always sneeze when I go into the bright sunshine. It's a quirky thing. It runs in my family through the generations. We all do it!"
Robert continued, "I am so sorry. I had no idea you were married, Linda. My thoughts have led me to jump to conclusions about our friendship, and I was hoping ...."
Surprised, Linda cut in, "Oh no, I am definitely not married! Jack often stays home with my mother while I visit Alice, his great-grandmother. My mother is not always well enough for the trip, and Jack is very responsible. I am a single mother - you see I always wanted a child, and Jack was conceived through IVF. Interestingly, his donor father is American. That is all I know about him. But Jack also knows that his dad is American and we are doing some American history together just in case one day he wants to find him. "
Just then Jack ran out into the gardens to join them.
"Granny Alice says afternoon tea is ready!" Jack called.
Then stopped ... and sneezed three times.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Great way to tie it together in the end. I've added a few suggestions. I'm new to the sight so I'm not sure the format these are generally posted.
Linda entered the communal sitting room and saw her grandmother Alice, chatting animatedly (chatting and animatedly seem to contradict, maybe gesticulate chatter?) with a new friend.
She greeted her with a kiss, and was introduced to May, a new arrival to the retirement village.She (we have three women in the story now so i'm not sure which "she" this is. Maybe ***introduced to May, a new arrival to the retirement village who was recently widowed***) had been recently widowed.
Linda was pleased to see the fresh sparkle in Alice's eyes as they shared stories. May was from the United States. Her life in the US had been very different from that in Australia, where she had lived for several years with her second husband until his recent death, so there were lots of stories to share. "They are good for each other," Linda thought happily.
Just then a tall man approached with a small posy of flowers for May.
"This is my son, Robert - he's visiting from the US."May's face shone with pleasure.
They all spent an enjoyable afternoon together.
The following weekend, when Linda visited at her usual time, Robert was already there. Robert and Linda soon felt at ease with each other also (I would remove also), and chatted like old friends. The third week, it was the same. He went with her to prepare the afternoon tea, telling her that he had visited Australia every two or three years to visit his mother, but was now planning to move permanently, in order to be closer to her.
"I feel so comfortable and at ease with you," Robert confided, "I have always been very shy with young women, especially since I lost my leg in a motor-bike accident. I felt that no-one would look at me twice." (This is a quote, however it doesn't sound like a person talking. Maybe *** "I have always been very shy around women, because of my leg." Robert lifted his trousers to reveal a prosthetic. "I didn't think anyone would look at me twice.") He lifted his trouser a little to show his prosthesis.
"I understand," she replied. "My father was a violent and abusive man until he died from a heart attack after a drunken rage. I have always been more than a little nervous around men ...."
They laughed, enjoying this new sense of freedom together, having shared their vulnerabilities.
The following week, Linda took her son Jack to visit his great-grandmother. He loved to teach her how to play games on his I-pad.
"How old are you, Jack?" asked Robert. "I'm eight!" Jack replied.
Robert was very thoughtful and quiet during the visit. Finally he suggested a walk in the gardens (to Linda).
"There's something I need to say, Linda", he began. He interrupted himself with three sneezes in rapid succession.
Linda gasped, and looked shocked.
"So sorry. Excuse me. I always sneeze when I go into the bright sunshine. It's a quirky thing. It runs in my family through the generations. We all do it!"
Robert continued, "I am so sorry. I had no idea you were married, Linda. My thoughts have led me to jump to conclusions about our friendship, and I was hoping ...."
Surprised, Linda cut in, "Oh no, I am definitely not married! Jack often stays home with my mother while I visit Alice, his great-grandmother. My mother is not always well enough for the trip, and Jack is very responsible. I am a single mother - you see I always wanted a child, and Jack was conceived through IVF. Interestingly, his donor father is American. That is all I know about him. But Jack also knows that his dad is American and we are doing some American history together just in case one day he wants to find him. "
Just then Jack ran out into the gardens to join them.
"Granny Alice says afternoon tea is ready!" Jack called.
Then stopped ... and sneezed three times.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you for reviewing, and for giving your insights and thoughts. I have adopted many of your suggestions, so thank you for the time and effort you put into it.
Wendy
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fine inventive story Wendy and our history defines us and also encourages us to look to the future and hope for better times, I enjoyed your endearing story, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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A fine inventive story Wendy and our history defines us and also encourages us to look to the future and hope for better times, I enjoyed your endearing story, love Dolly x
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much Dolly for reviewing. I always appreciate your thoughts.
Wendy
Comment from lyenochka
That's so cute! I think I knew someone who sneezed nervously like that - I don't think it was just in sunshine. Now I was hoping that Robert was the sperm donor and really was Jack's father! Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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That's so cute! I think I knew someone who sneezed nervously like that - I don't think it was just in sunshine. Now I was hoping that Robert was the sperm donor and really was Jack's father! Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much Helen. My husband, son, and my son's three daughters all do the sneezing thing. That bit is based on fact, lol.
I always appreciate your time, and thoughts and encouragement.
Wendy
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Mind-blowing! Wonderful story--shocking ending. This is flawlesly narrated--the characters are well-drawn--the interactions are rich and natural. Magnificent piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Mind-blowing! Wonderful story--shocking ending. This is flawlesly narrated--the characters are well-drawn--the interactions are rich and natural. Magnificent piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much, Liz. I always appreciate your encouragement and thoughts.
Wendy