Bending the Rules
Looking back in time....27 total reviews
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
OMG! What a tragedy! When tragedy strikes, shock, pain, sadness register as potentially intense emotions when sudden death happens to you or a loved one. In some cases, there might not be words to describe the searing sensation of tragedy. You have described the scene in a very effective and chilling way. Well done! Good luck!
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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OMG! What a tragedy! When tragedy strikes, shock, pain, sadness register as potentially intense emotions when sudden death happens to you or a loved one. In some cases, there might not be words to describe the searing sensation of tragedy. You have described the scene in a very effective and chilling way. Well done! Good luck!
Comment Written 20-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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thank you, Seshadri. I looked at it as an out of body moment. since they weren't really dead yet... not till after the crash. thanks for the review.
smiles, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Chilling. I'm confused--Sam forcing her--then the fatal car crash--what's the connection? If none, why the part about Sam?
"Tania, that looks like your parent's=>PARENTS' car."
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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Chilling. I'm confused--Sam forcing her--then the fatal car crash--what's the connection? If none, why the part about Sam?
"Tania, that looks like your parent's=>PARENTS' car."
Comment Written 20-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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The girls were lifted from the car crash in an out of body moment because they were actually good, but Sam and Jake remained behind unfortunately. I don't know if it was definitely a force, but it could have been ugly for sure. Circumstances changed it all. Heaven's intervention.
Smiles, Carol
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I thought the girls died and were in heaven.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is really good. You've given us two characters who don't seem particularly bad, just foolish, and an alcoholic father who manages to kill them both. And, of course, no one meant for that to happen. Best of luck with this in the future flash fiction contest. You have a good chance of winning with this.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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This is really good. You've given us two characters who don't seem particularly bad, just foolish, and an alcoholic father who manages to kill them both. And, of course, no one meant for that to happen. Best of luck with this in the future flash fiction contest. You have a good chance of winning with this.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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Thank you Carol. I hoped that it showed an out of body moment, saving the girls. The boys and the parents weren't so lucky. Thank you for your kind review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This has a sense of being a possible cautionary tale. I like how you lead the reader on in mystery. We are as confused as the characters. This is a good technique to endear the characters to the reader. This has a great irony for the endings. The reader never would have been able to predict that.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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This has a sense of being a possible cautionary tale. I like how you lead the reader on in mystery. We are as confused as the characters. This is a good technique to endear the characters to the reader. This has a great irony for the endings. The reader never would have been able to predict that.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Liz. I hope it comes across as an out of boy moment... Their lives are suspended in limbo, preparing for the crash that is about to happen. Smiles, Carol
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clever
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A tragic scene here Carol of two young girls losing their life and going to heaven. I wonder if the clock could be turned back for these girls to have another chance at life, but then again that is another story, I was entertained, I would like some of that miracle cream. Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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A tragic scene here Carol of two young girls losing their life and going to heaven. I wonder if the clock could be turned back for these girls to have another chance at life, but then again that is another story, I was entertained, I would like some of that miracle cream. Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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It's funny that you mention turning back the clock...that's exactly how I was planning to write it but the restriction of 500 words made me chop off the ending. They were going to go back and do great things in life. Thanks..Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Goose bumps all over. Wow, Carol, this is impressive! I love the last line. By His grace we will forget all the pain and heartache of life on earth. Wish I could give it a six, but nevertheless to me it is a contest winner. So very best wishes for your entry.
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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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Goose bumps all over. Wow, Carol, this is impressive! I love the last line. By His grace we will forget all the pain and heartache of life on earth. Wish I could give it a six, but nevertheless to me it is a contest winner. So very best wishes for your entry.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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thanks, Wendy. I hope that it comes across as an out of body moment for the girls... watching from above as the inevitable happens. I too love the last line. i wanted to send them back and become missionaries or win the Nobel Peace Prize but my limited word count prevented it.
Smiles, Carol
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Cindy Warren
It took me a minute to figure out where they were. I figured it out when Tania rubbed the lotion on her arms. And I imagine the people on Earth are in a bit of trouble. Seems they deserve it. Good luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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It took me a minute to figure out where they were. I figured it out when Tania rubbed the lotion on her arms. And I imagine the people on Earth are in a bit of trouble. Seems they deserve it. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Cindy. Yes the people on Earth are in trouble. the girls experienced an out of body moment until the crash happens. Appreciate the review.
Smiles, Carol