Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Betrayal Chapter 31"In the title.
36 total reviews
Comment from Cindy Warren
I hope Grant makes it to the cellar! I'm afraid he won't. I guessed that when he sent the girls on ahead. And I expect Rapier will show up soon. An internet search would show Grant's properties and it wouldn't be too hard to guess which one he was at.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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I hope Grant makes it to the cellar! I'm afraid he won't. I guessed that when he sent the girls on ahead. And I expect Rapier will show up soon. An internet search would show Grant's properties and it wouldn't be too hard to guess which one he was at.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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I like your way of thinking, Cindy! Lol. Thank you so much for this great review. I do so appreciate it.
We are in the process of moving, and there is so much to do, I might not be able to post next week. But I will try. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with this chapter, Sandra. You covered several main events. I really like the wasp-spy discussion--you made it sound fascinating. The oncoming hurricane sounds like a doozy--hope ell will be ok--maybe the baby will come and be named after it. Grant's mother and her 'friend' are treacherous. Your lines read well with good flow and great imagery--esp that of the hurricane.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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You did a great job with this chapter, Sandra. You covered several main events. I really like the wasp-spy discussion--you made it sound fascinating. The oncoming hurricane sounds like a doozy--hope ell will be ok--maybe the baby will come and be named after it. Grant's mother and her 'friend' are treacherous. Your lines read well with good flow and great imagery--esp that of the hurricane.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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I'm glad you liked the hurricane part, that is going to be fun! Thank you so very much for this lovely review, Jan, and for telling me what it was you liked about it. It's always nice to known.
We are in the process of moving, and there is so much to do, I might not be able to post next week. But I will try. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from JudyE
I've always been really pleased that we don't live in a cyclone-prone area. And we're moving house too very soon. So I'm doing a lot of decluttering at the moment. lol
I have just a few suggestions:
Some of this seems double-spaced and some not but I guess that would get fixed somewhere along the way.
You've used 'wasp-spy' and 'spy-wasp'. Best to stick to one or the other.
She noted how skinny he was, not starving thin, but streamlined, every inch of him looked to be one solid mass of muscle, yet not bulging like most body-builders arms and shoulders. - I might have changed this a little. Perhaps: 'She noted how skinny he was, not starving thin, but streamlined. Every inch of him looked to be one solid mass of muscle, yet without the bulging arms and shoulders of most body-builders.'
Rather than 'The way his long legs were stretched out between the front two seats, over the handbrake, and with his head tilted forward to stop it rubbing the roof, told Monica he was also one very tall bloke!', I might have said 'With his long legs stretched out between the front two seats, over the handbrake, and his head tilted forward to stop it rubbing the roof, Monica could tell he was also one very tall bloke!'
We've messed up big time. Take us back to Monica's Jeff, I've got to warn Grant.' - I would have made the second sentence 'Jeff, take us back to Monica's. I've got to warn Grant.' If you don't want to change it, then it needs a comma after 'Monica's'.
'How the hell did they know where Grant had taken her?' Jeff started the engine and, after letting two cars go by, pulled out and drove off. - nothing is mentioned here about where Grant and Tania are or have I missed something?
I've just reread it and I took Rapier 'landing' to mean he'd arrived in town. Maybe 'landed on the island' would make it clearer or perhaps once it's a book rather than individual chapters, old people like me won't forget that it was dealt with earlier! Hope that makes sense. :(
Grant stepped out of the shower, feeling a lot better now he'd washed off the dust and grime the strong winds had covered him, and everything outside, in. - I might have said 'Grant stepped out of the shower, feeling a lot better. The strong winds had covered everything outside, including himself, in dust and grime.'
Between him and Peter, they had secured everything - maybe 'Between them, Peter and he had secured everything'
The winds were getting stronger, and he knew the hurricane would be here in a few short hours. - I would have said 'the hurricane would arrive/hit them...'
He quickly finished dressing and then dashed downstairs to see how the others were getting on. - maybe 'to see how the others were faring/coping'
Moments later the lights came back on just as Grant walked into the kitchen. - comma after 'later'
It had been suggested to him when he was having the plans drawn up, and as hurricanes were a regular occurrence here, he'd readily agreed. - maybe 'The bunker had been suggested...'. Comma after 'and'
The noise was growing louder, soon they'd not be able to hear themselves think. - replace comma with a period
From what Grant could hear now, the force of the wind was far stronger, and the noise, far louder than any they'd experienced before. - delete comma after 'noise'. Comma after 'louder'
He opened up his laptop, linked to the satellite, for a better idea of what was going on. - maybe 'which was linked to the satellite'
Peter was watching him. Waiting for some reaction - replace period with a comma.
All the best
Judy
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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I've always been really pleased that we don't live in a cyclone-prone area. And we're moving house too very soon. So I'm doing a lot of decluttering at the moment. lol
I have just a few suggestions:
Some of this seems double-spaced and some not but I guess that would get fixed somewhere along the way.
You've used 'wasp-spy' and 'spy-wasp'. Best to stick to one or the other.
She noted how skinny he was, not starving thin, but streamlined, every inch of him looked to be one solid mass of muscle, yet not bulging like most body-builders arms and shoulders. - I might have changed this a little. Perhaps: 'She noted how skinny he was, not starving thin, but streamlined. Every inch of him looked to be one solid mass of muscle, yet without the bulging arms and shoulders of most body-builders.'
Rather than 'The way his long legs were stretched out between the front two seats, over the handbrake, and with his head tilted forward to stop it rubbing the roof, told Monica he was also one very tall bloke!', I might have said 'With his long legs stretched out between the front two seats, over the handbrake, and his head tilted forward to stop it rubbing the roof, Monica could tell he was also one very tall bloke!'
We've messed up big time. Take us back to Monica's Jeff, I've got to warn Grant.' - I would have made the second sentence 'Jeff, take us back to Monica's. I've got to warn Grant.' If you don't want to change it, then it needs a comma after 'Monica's'.
'How the hell did they know where Grant had taken her?' Jeff started the engine and, after letting two cars go by, pulled out and drove off. - nothing is mentioned here about where Grant and Tania are or have I missed something?
I've just reread it and I took Rapier 'landing' to mean he'd arrived in town. Maybe 'landed on the island' would make it clearer or perhaps once it's a book rather than individual chapters, old people like me won't forget that it was dealt with earlier! Hope that makes sense. :(
Grant stepped out of the shower, feeling a lot better now he'd washed off the dust and grime the strong winds had covered him, and everything outside, in. - I might have said 'Grant stepped out of the shower, feeling a lot better. The strong winds had covered everything outside, including himself, in dust and grime.'
Between him and Peter, they had secured everything - maybe 'Between them, Peter and he had secured everything'
The winds were getting stronger, and he knew the hurricane would be here in a few short hours. - I would have said 'the hurricane would arrive/hit them...'
He quickly finished dressing and then dashed downstairs to see how the others were getting on. - maybe 'to see how the others were faring/coping'
Moments later the lights came back on just as Grant walked into the kitchen. - comma after 'later'
It had been suggested to him when he was having the plans drawn up, and as hurricanes were a regular occurrence here, he'd readily agreed. - maybe 'The bunker had been suggested...'. Comma after 'and'
The noise was growing louder, soon they'd not be able to hear themselves think. - replace comma with a period
From what Grant could hear now, the force of the wind was far stronger, and the noise, far louder than any they'd experienced before. - delete comma after 'noise'. Comma after 'louder'
He opened up his laptop, linked to the satellite, for a better idea of what was going on. - maybe 'which was linked to the satellite'
Peter was watching him. Waiting for some reaction - replace period with a comma.
All the best
Judy
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much, Judy, for all the time you've put in editing this part! If only I could look at it the way you do. I've made all the corrections, but couldn't find the spy-wasp, only wasp-spy. Grant and Tania are in the Bahamas, and it's mention in the previous part/page. But I'll add something to Marilyn and Colin's conversation to make it clearer. Thanks so much, my friend. You are a great help. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
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I knew Grant and Tania are in the Bahamas but I can't understand why Reg is saying that they 'messed up big time'.
'wasp-spy' appears in the very first sentence and againg in 'The wasp-spy whirled into action, lifted, and flew out.'
'spy-wasp' appears in 'Monica was sitting in the back seat, thoroughly enjoying the whole idea of a spy-wasp.'
Hope this helps. It's tricky when we can only communicate with words - well, you know what I mean. lol
Cheers
Judy
Comment from aryr
What a great continuation chapter, Sandra. You did very well with Reg getting the wasp into the house of Colin and his mother. Nice introduction between Shadow and Monica. Now they knew Rapier's plan or at least part of it. Meanwhile the hurricane is on top of them, so Tania, Latifah, Peter and Grant head to the bunker where they should be safe. Very well done. Blessings, hugs and smiles. Oh that sounds great that you are getting home. Safe travels.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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What a great continuation chapter, Sandra. You did very well with Reg getting the wasp into the house of Colin and his mother. Nice introduction between Shadow and Monica. Now they knew Rapier's plan or at least part of it. Meanwhile the hurricane is on top of them, so Tania, Latifah, Peter and Grant head to the bunker where they should be safe. Very well done. Blessings, hugs and smiles. Oh that sounds great that you are getting home. Safe travels.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much, Alie, for another lovely review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed reading this part. There will be a few susprises in store soon.
We are in the process of moving, and there is so much to do, I might not be able to post next week. But I will try. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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Wow, I really don't envy the process of moving, all will go well Just take your time and if you miss a posting next week or even the one after, so be it. It will be what it will be as long as you take care of yourself. You are so welcome, very enjoyable, hugs back at you.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Chilling--I too am anxious to learn who told Marilyn and Colin where Grant and Tania were. I'm glad the spy worked. I hope Rapier gets killed in the hurricane! Delightful banter between Monica and Shadow.
interesting tidbit:
I suggest that he checks(UK)
I suggest that he check(US)
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Chilling--I too am anxious to learn who told Marilyn and Colin where Grant and Tania were. I'm glad the spy worked. I hope Rapier gets killed in the hurricane! Delightful banter between Monica and Shadow.
interesting tidbit:
I suggest that he checks(UK)
I suggest that he check(US)
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
Thank you, Liz. There will be a big shock in store for Grant when he discovers who the mole is. We have a few words that differ slightly from each other. It's fun learning about them. :))
We are in the process of moving, and there is so much to do, I might not be able to post next week. But I will try. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Gert sherwood
Betrayal Chapter 31
sandramitchell I found the chacters in your book Betrayal are many. So it will take time for me to know who is who.
I kept reading about a spy-wasp. Now is it a thing or a human.
You made the hurricane very realistic. Sound like a hurricane we had when we lived in Florida.
Gert
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Betrayal Chapter 31
sandramitchell I found the chacters in your book Betrayal are many. So it will take time for me to know who is who.
I kept reading about a spy-wasp. Now is it a thing or a human.
You made the hurricane very realistic. Sound like a hurricane we had when we lived in Florida.
Gert
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Hello, Gert. Thank you for reading this part. The main characters are Tania and Grant, and Monica and Jeff. They are the nice couples. Colin and his mother are the evil pair. The wasp-spy is a tiny mechanical drone that can film and pick up sound. Most good spies have them these days!! Lol. I'm so pleased you thought I made the hurricane realistic. Thank you, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
The hurricane appoarching will probably keep the bad fellow from finding Tania and Grant. If the storm is bad enought, no flights can go out of the airport; and the device which flew in the window and could listen to Grant's mom conversation, will save Tania's life.
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reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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The hurricane appoarching will probably keep the bad fellow from finding Tania and Grant. If the storm is bad enought, no flights can go out of the airport; and the device which flew in the window and could listen to Grant's mom conversation, will save Tania's life.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Rosemary, for reading this part, and the lovely review. Warm hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Ulla
Oh dear, this doesn't bode well, at all, Sandra. How could the mother and Collin know where they are? There must be a leak. As if that wasn't enough, a lethal hurricane is coming their way and is almost there. You do keep me in suspense. It's a wonderful story. A big hug. Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Oh dear, this doesn't bode well, at all, Sandra. How could the mother and Collin know where they are? There must be a leak. As if that wasn't enough, a lethal hurricane is coming their way and is almost there. You do keep me in suspense. It's a wonderful story. A big hug. Ulla xxx
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Ulla, I think you might be right about the leak. But who? Thanks for those lovely stars, my friend, and the lovely review. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xxxx
Comment from damommy
Oh, dear. As if they didn't enough troubles already. One thing good about the storm, it will delay any tactics the bad guys have to find Tania. I hope the hurrican doesn't destroy this lovely house in such a beautiful setting.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Oh, dear. As if they didn't enough troubles already. One thing good about the storm, it will delay any tactics the bad guys have to find Tania. I hope the hurrican doesn't destroy this lovely house in such a beautiful setting.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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The hurricane will certainly stop something, or start something!! Lol. Thank you so much for this lovely review, my dear sister. I think Grant made his home out of solid concrete, or something like that!! I must check Google on what would hold up against a hurricane. Thanks dear. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. Sending you loads of love and a huge hug. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Sally Law
Sounds like a whopper of a hurricane! You mad me tense in this one! So well written, dear Sandra. I like the way you incorporated a drone to spy on Grant and Tania. So 007ish!
Sending you my best today and six stars to bless.
Sal XOs...
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Sounds like a whopper of a hurricane! You mad me tense in this one! So well written, dear Sandra. I like the way you incorporated a drone to spy on Grant and Tania. So 007ish!
Sending you my best today and six stars to bless.
Sal XOs...
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Aw, thank you, Sal, for this lovely review and all those bright stars. I really appreciate your thoughts on this part, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx