Rougarou Nights
Wrong place at the wrong time.36 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I like your story a lot and enjoyed the tongue-in-cheek humor. I do have a few questions for you. "Swarms of female . . . " isn't a sentence and seems like you meant to say more. ". . .hideous . . .(take out comma) shriek. ". . .couple (take out hyphen) hours." I must admit I had to get out my dictionary for a couple of your words but there is one I just couldn't figure out " . . . sustain of a true Southern. What does "sustain" mean. Not any of the dictionary definitions. It's a good story; good luck with it.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
   |
I like your story a lot and enjoyed the tongue-in-cheek humor. I do have a few questions for you. "Swarms of female . . . " isn't a sentence and seems like you meant to say more. ". . .hideous . . .(take out comma) shriek. ". . .couple (take out hyphen) hours." I must admit I had to get out my dictionary for a couple of your words but there is one I just couldn't figure out " . . . sustain of a true Southern. What does "sustain" mean. Not any of the dictionary definitions. It's a good story; good luck with it.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
-
Thanks for reading, Carol. Sustain: means to support something or keep it going. In this case, sustain means to carry on the ways of a southern gentleman. No, Swarms of female isn't a sentence. The sentence reads "Swarms of female mosquitos--the only biters--bigger than hypodermic-beaked hummingbirds." The doubled - are to separate and tell readers that the female mosquitos are the only biters, and to separate the next description telling that they are bigger than hypodermic-beaked hummingbirds. Male mosquitos don't bite. I hope I've answered our questions. Thanks again.
-
Sustain is still a stopper as it is not commonly used that way in the Midwest US. But it is a good story.
-
Well, I looked it up in the dictionary before responding to your review. I live in the Midwest and I've used it since I was a kid. It's a good day when we learn a new word. Thanks, Carol!
-
Must be I'm too near the Mississippi to catch that one. Thanks for explaining.
Comment from dmt1967
I leaned against the (door). The reader already knows about the door. Maybe say (it) to make the sentence sound less repetitive.
Dizzy-headed, blood pouring into my eyes, they (drug) me to the cruiser and bumped my head again as they pitched me in the back seat. (dragged)
The story was well written but took a while to get into it. The beginning was well described, too much so for me. I would rather have seen the emotion of your character than know about the insects. He was terrified, show how terrified.
Also, the scene where he phones the police... It happens twice. He phones, woman asks questions, he hangs up. A little later he phones, woman asks questions, he hangs up.
This could be a great story. All it needs, in my opinion, is a few tweaks here and there. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
|
I leaned against the (door). The reader already knows about the door. Maybe say (it) to make the sentence sound less repetitive.
Dizzy-headed, blood pouring into my eyes, they (drug) me to the cruiser and bumped my head again as they pitched me in the back seat. (dragged)
The story was well written but took a while to get into it. The beginning was well described, too much so for me. I would rather have seen the emotion of your character than know about the insects. He was terrified, show how terrified.
Also, the scene where he phones the police... It happens twice. He phones, woman asks questions, he hangs up. A little later he phones, woman asks questions, he hangs up.
This could be a great story. All it needs, in my opinion, is a few tweaks here and there. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
-
Thanks so much, dmt1967, for taking time to offer you're suggestions and review my story. I apologize for using drug rather than dragged. I normally post my stories then spend a few days reading over them before I release them live, but for some reason this piece went live as soon as I saved it. So, there were a million careless blunders that I hadn't polished out before people started reading and reviewing. I meant to to describe the extra push against the door. That was how he got enough light on the subject to see. And as for the duplicate hang up, it was intended as just a touch of humor, along with a few other places. I thought that him shrieking like a girl and falling to his knees were pretty extreme emotions, among other comments, but I guess there needs to be more. Thanks again.
Comment from RShipp
Your opening sentence described the setting in great detail. Well done.
'coco-fiber blades in a not-so-welcome mat' (A great picture!)
'A smarter person might have figured ...' (This paragraph really made me want to read the rest.)
'Kite-sized spiderwebs' (My, do I hate spiders. I don't want to think of them that size!!)
'The two buffoons hadn't been after me at all. ' (I could feel his relief!)
A fun read!!
I was not ready for the ending, at all!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
 |
Your opening sentence described the setting in great detail. Well done.
'coco-fiber blades in a not-so-welcome mat' (A great picture!)
'A smarter person might have figured ...' (This paragraph really made me want to read the rest.)
'Kite-sized spiderwebs' (My, do I hate spiders. I don't want to think of them that size!!)
'The two buffoons hadn't been after me at all. ' (I could feel his relief!)
A fun read!!
I was not ready for the ending, at all!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much, RShipp, for your kind words and the extra-special six-star review. You have made my week. It's reviews and encouragement like yours that keep us old hacks plugging along. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from RetroStarfish
Chilling final sentence!
The whole thing is quite the horror story with some nifty plot turns, intense imagery and witty turns of phrase:
"...racing to nail my not-so mechanical rabbit-lure rump."
I'm glad I read this in the morning and not before bed!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
|
Chilling final sentence!
The whole thing is quite the horror story with some nifty plot turns, intense imagery and witty turns of phrase:
"...racing to nail my not-so mechanical rabbit-lure rump."
I'm glad I read this in the morning and not before bed!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much, RetroStarfish, for your kind words and generous review. I normally list my stories and then spend a few days going back to edit and fix mistakes, as I write in a hurry and there are always many. But for someone reason when I clicked save this time it went live. I had four reviews so fast I couldn't fix anything. LOL. Oh, well, I just noticed three or four more mistakes, but if I don't catch them all it doesn't matter. Others will soon list them all for me. LOL. They will be good for a couple threes and fours. Thanks again.
Comment from jenintorre
Wow that was a very exciting, fast paced story. I don't normally read anything longer than flash fiction because my attention span is crap but that had me gripped from start to finish. Very scary, excellent writing. Cheers. Jen.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
|
Wow that was a very exciting, fast paced story. I don't normally read anything longer than flash fiction because my attention span is crap but that had me gripped from start to finish. Very scary, excellent writing. Cheers. Jen.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much, Jen, for your kind words and extra-special six-star review. I don't post often, and this genre isn't really one of my favorites. But, I change around to stay out of my comfort zone. You have made my week! And I'm sorry the piece was so long. Just remember, I don't post often. LOL. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hey Ric.
"Wrong place at the wrong time" is right. The main character doesn't get a chance to sit down and rest for a minute. I laughed at the "As it turned out, I had gone to the wrong house." What a great place to straighten out the confusion. HAHA.
Your descriptive narrative throughout the story is outstanding. The action is tireless. Every next step is followed up with another action filled step. After all of the close calls and the harrowing acts, even bedtime offers no relief. It is a super story that runs fast and punches the reader with surprises. It has a great ending. The reader gets to decide.
Robert
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
|
Hey Ric.
"Wrong place at the wrong time" is right. The main character doesn't get a chance to sit down and rest for a minute. I laughed at the "As it turned out, I had gone to the wrong house." What a great place to straighten out the confusion. HAHA.
Your descriptive narrative throughout the story is outstanding. The action is tireless. Every next step is followed up with another action filled step. After all of the close calls and the harrowing acts, even bedtime offers no relief. It is a super story that runs fast and punches the reader with surprises. It has a great ending. The reader gets to decide.
Robert
Comment Written 22-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much, Robert, for your kind words and extra-special six-star review. It's reviews like this that keeps us old hacks plugging along. You are the one person I was thinking of when I added a few touches of humor to offset the pace. The funniest part of this post is: I normally save my stories without releasing them to have a few days to fix mistakes and do a little editing. But for some reason, when I hit save this time, the piece immediately went live. Mistakes and all. When I looked up there were four reviews, blasting me. LOL. Oh, well, I've just noticed a couple more mistakes, but it doesn't matter. The next readers will happily point them out for me. LOL. Your a prince of guy, Robert, and I can't thank you enough for the encouragement!
-
Hey Ric.
You're very welcome. I enjoyed the story and I think your descriptive language was excellent. Strong verbs and descriptive words make writing come to life.
(*z*)
Comment from Mistydawn
What a wild story. It's very well-written, engaging, suspenseful from start to finish. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. I love your colorful descriptions. I had to laugh at your lay's reference. The ending what a twist. I sure didn't see it coming. Wrong place at the wrong time Is an understatement, lol.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
|
What a wild story. It's very well-written, engaging, suspenseful from start to finish. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. I love your colorful descriptions. I had to laugh at your lay's reference. The ending what a twist. I sure didn't see it coming. Wrong place at the wrong time Is an understatement, lol.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much, Misty Dawn, for your extra-special six-star review. I'm such an out-of-control nutcase sometimes that I lose many people's concentration in the shuffle. But, I know you'll never be one of those who get lost. LOL. Thanks for your encouragement and constant support. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStupendous! A tour de force of chills and thrills. Stunning imagery. Cheerssssss. LIZ
figured it best to get the hell out of there, rather than [waiting=>WAIT] for a leaky pirogue to sink and serve him up as fresh-meat Ã?la=>Ã? LA CARTE.
[Froze in fear as=>FROZEN IN FEAR,] I floated along; the swamp WAS blanketed in darkness
let out a hideous, [shrieked scream=>SHRIEK].
HYPHENATE ear-splitting, home-cooked, bullet-ridden, dizzy-headed
Yesterday afternoon, [I WAS] excited and on my way for dinner and a fervid rendezvous with the stunning caramel-skinned, green-eyed Latin doll that [OMIT COMMA] I had had the pleasure of meeting two nights before.
questions soon, but [at that instance=>IN THAT INSTANT], it seemed more pertinent to escape the danger and get as far away as possible.
drivers=>DRIVER'S-side
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
|
SSSSSStupendous! A tour de force of chills and thrills. Stunning imagery. Cheerssssss. LIZ
figured it best to get the hell out of there, rather than [waiting=>WAIT] for a leaky pirogue to sink and serve him up as fresh-meat Ã?la=>Ã? LA CARTE.
[Froze in fear as=>FROZEN IN FEAR,] I floated along; the swamp WAS blanketed in darkness
let out a hideous, [shrieked scream=>SHRIEK].
HYPHENATE ear-splitting, home-cooked, bullet-ridden, dizzy-headed
Yesterday afternoon, [I WAS] excited and on my way for dinner and a fervid rendezvous with the stunning caramel-skinned, green-eyed Latin doll that [OMIT COMMA] I had had the pleasure of meeting two nights before.
questions soon, but [at that instance=>IN THAT INSTANT], it seemed more pertinent to escape the danger and get as far away as possible.
drivers=>DRIVER'S-side
Comment Written 22-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much, Liz, for your wonderful six-star review. I'm actually amazed that you gave me a six for something you've practically re-written, with all my mistakes. LOL. I normally save a piece, and although I never edit or revise as I should, I correct a few of my blunders before releasing it. But I did something wrong today. As soon as I saved it, it went live, mistakes and all. I'm bad, but not this bad. Well, at least not all the time. LOL. I had already corrected most of your suggestions before I read your review, I just hadn't save them yet, I guess. You're a sweetheart and I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Begin Again
First of all, you, my friend, have been lying to me - not a writer you say - I think the reader must beg to differ with you. Secondly, before ever reading a word, my heart stopped with the picture. And after traipsing through the swamp (snakes, spiders, alligators, and all the other terrifying, mind-boggling creatures) and getting caught up in a robbery and running again, my heart can't take it. I was out of breath when your head hit the pillow, but you just couldn't leave it alone. Here comes our werewolf again. Your way with words and description just blew me away. How can you find any pleasure in my simple writing? So--- the truth --- did you really have a bad case of eating Mexican food which sent you one this outlandish adventure or is this simply the real you? Whatever, I enjoyed being terrified (knowing you'd save the reader from the jaws of death). Smiles to you over and over again!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
|
First of all, you, my friend, have been lying to me - not a writer you say - I think the reader must beg to differ with you. Secondly, before ever reading a word, my heart stopped with the picture. And after traipsing through the swamp (snakes, spiders, alligators, and all the other terrifying, mind-boggling creatures) and getting caught up in a robbery and running again, my heart can't take it. I was out of breath when your head hit the pillow, but you just couldn't leave it alone. Here comes our werewolf again. Your way with words and description just blew me away. How can you find any pleasure in my simple writing? So--- the truth --- did you really have a bad case of eating Mexican food which sent you one this outlandish adventure or is this simply the real you? Whatever, I enjoyed being terrified (knowing you'd save the reader from the jaws of death). Smiles to you over and over again!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
-
You're such a sweetheart, who always makes me smile! With your writing, and now with your wonderful review. I'm not a writer, just a hack. At 50 I didn't know much more than a noun from a verb, and still don't. Of course, I'm not quite as bad as this piece showed for a while. I usually save a piece and work the bugs out, but when I hit save today, it released it immediately. I hadn't even edited it at all. LOL. Oh, well, I've been trying to polish it up before too many people can read it. I can't thank you enough for your encouraging comments and extra-special six-star review. You've made my week! Maybe my month! I appreciate YOU!
-
Smiles and more smiles!!!
Comment from karenina
Very descriptive writing here! I felt the tension, imagined the eeriness of snakes on branches and spider webs large enough to freak ME out... You build well on all of that and I have (by the way) taken visiting a bayou swamp off my bucket list! Nice redirection back to the action beforehand! I was taken in...figured she who you tried so hard to put your best foot forward with was ruthlessly murdered... You made a hard right turn and I had to hold on! I see by your other reviews others have suggested editorial changes, so I won't even bother to be redundant. Anyway--I'm all about the story. A monkey can use autocorrect for spelling or grammar. Imaginative, frightening, and therefore an entertaining read! Nice to see a new post from you! (p.s.-- Apparently you ARE a writer, though you try to achieve plausible deniability!)--Karenina
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
|
Very descriptive writing here! I felt the tension, imagined the eeriness of snakes on branches and spider webs large enough to freak ME out... You build well on all of that and I have (by the way) taken visiting a bayou swamp off my bucket list! Nice redirection back to the action beforehand! I was taken in...figured she who you tried so hard to put your best foot forward with was ruthlessly murdered... You made a hard right turn and I had to hold on! I see by your other reviews others have suggested editorial changes, so I won't even bother to be redundant. Anyway--I'm all about the story. A monkey can use autocorrect for spelling or grammar. Imaginative, frightening, and therefore an entertaining read! Nice to see a new post from you! (p.s.-- Apparently you ARE a writer, though you try to achieve plausible deniability!)--Karenina
Comment Written 22-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much, Karenina, for your kind words and generous review. I normally save these things and work on them to get the bugs out, but this time, it posted before I was ready. Oh, well, I think I've polished it up a bit, but not before you read it. LOL. I'm a hack. Someone who scribbles and can hardly stay between the lines. But I enjoy it. Especially, when special readers spend their time reading my foolishness. I appreciate YOU!
-
Sometimes, in a story like this, it would be overkill to polish it up like a shiny new penny... It was fine as it was and I beg to differ with you about your "hack" comment. The reader (as it turns out) gets to determine that!--(smile)--Karenina
