Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Betrayal Chapter 18"In the title.
45 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
Poor Tania. She seems doomed whatever she does. I do hope Grant hurries.
I have a few observations:
Army tactics, and now security, was their speciality. - if you'd said 'Army tactics, and now security; these were their speciality' then the verb form would be 'were' rather than 'was' so I think it should be 'were' therefore becoming 'Army tactics, and now security, were their speciality.'
Carl looked thoughtful. 'Have you any plans for when you're out of the office? The reason I'm asking, if this works, we'll have to be ready to go immediately. What hardware have you got ... just in case?'
How much further he'll go if he does have her plans, I don't know. - speech marks needed at end
A sharp knock, and Lorna walking in took everyone's attention. - I might have said '.. Lorna walked in, taking everyone's attention.'
'Good morning, Gentlemen,' she said. - lower case for 'gentlemen'
When they were all seated, Grant brought Lorna up to date. 'I need a solid reason that will ensure he has to ask Tania, - maybe 'consult Tania'??
Her body felt as if she'd been thrown in front of a bus, every part of her hurt.
- replace comma with a period
The desire to yell out, disappeared as fast as it came. - delete comma
Her breath came in rugged short gasps, each one hurt. - replace comma with a period or less perhaps ' Her breath came in rugged short gasps, each one hurting.'
I don't want to puncture my lungs, or any of my other bits and pieces that keep me alive. - I might have said '... the other bits...' but it's not important.
The whole of her right arm throbbed right down to the tips of her fingers. - maybe 'Her right arm throbbed from shoulder to fingertips.'
'If I tell him, God, I know that will be my death sentence, he can't let me go now. - period after 'sentence'
Her tears were allowed to continue falling free and unchecked. - I might have said 'Her tears continued to fall free and unchecked.'
She couldn't wipe them away even if she wanted to because it was too painful. - commas after 'away' and 'to'
He noted how small, but spotlessly clean it was. - I would delete the comma or add another after 'clean'. I'm not sure which is correct.
I do hope you're starting feel a bit better. I'm a bit surprised you can continue to write but I guess it is a distraction.
With very best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Poor Tania. She seems doomed whatever she does. I do hope Grant hurries.
I have a few observations:
Army tactics, and now security, was their speciality. - if you'd said 'Army tactics, and now security; these were their speciality' then the verb form would be 'were' rather than 'was' so I think it should be 'were' therefore becoming 'Army tactics, and now security, were their speciality.'
Carl looked thoughtful. 'Have you any plans for when you're out of the office? The reason I'm asking, if this works, we'll have to be ready to go immediately. What hardware have you got ... just in case?'
How much further he'll go if he does have her plans, I don't know. - speech marks needed at end
A sharp knock, and Lorna walking in took everyone's attention. - I might have said '.. Lorna walked in, taking everyone's attention.'
'Good morning, Gentlemen,' she said. - lower case for 'gentlemen'
When they were all seated, Grant brought Lorna up to date. 'I need a solid reason that will ensure he has to ask Tania, - maybe 'consult Tania'??
Her body felt as if she'd been thrown in front of a bus, every part of her hurt.
- replace comma with a period
The desire to yell out, disappeared as fast as it came. - delete comma
Her breath came in rugged short gasps, each one hurt. - replace comma with a period or less perhaps ' Her breath came in rugged short gasps, each one hurting.'
I don't want to puncture my lungs, or any of my other bits and pieces that keep me alive. - I might have said '... the other bits...' but it's not important.
The whole of her right arm throbbed right down to the tips of her fingers. - maybe 'Her right arm throbbed from shoulder to fingertips.'
'If I tell him, God, I know that will be my death sentence, he can't let me go now. - period after 'sentence'
Her tears were allowed to continue falling free and unchecked. - I might have said 'Her tears continued to fall free and unchecked.'
She couldn't wipe them away even if she wanted to because it was too painful. - commas after 'away' and 'to'
He noted how small, but spotlessly clean it was. - I would delete the comma or add another after 'clean'. I'm not sure which is correct.
I do hope you're starting feel a bit better. I'm a bit surprised you can continue to write but I guess it is a distraction.
With very best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Dear Judy, you are a shining diamond. Thank you so much for this great review. I've made the corrections.
I'm only able to spend around a half an hour at a time. My laptop is on my ironing board, which allows me to stand up and not crunch my shingles. It's driving me nuts! But I know it will come to an end soon. They started spreading upwards, which was really worrying me. But those are fading a bit now. If it wasn't for the fact I'd put my hubby off his meals, I'd stand naked and work!! LOL. I'm wearing loose nightdresses all the time, I can't bear anything touching my waist. Thanks for your kind thoughts, Judy.
Thank you again for all your help, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
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I remember my friend not wanting anything touching her. I'm glad it seems to be improving a bit.
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Thanks, Judy. :)) xx
Comment from DSchlosser
I definitely need to read up the last few chapters to see more of what Grant's doing to save Tania and to see the other chapters.
It's a great chapter, and I can't wait to see how Tania will get out of this trap.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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I definitely need to read up the last few chapters to see more of what Grant's doing to save Tania and to see the other chapters.
It's a great chapter, and I can't wait to see how Tania will get out of this trap.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, David. It is difficult to understand unless you have the whole picture, but I'm so pleased you are enjoying it enough to want to go back and fine out more. That is such a compliment. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow, you really put your heroines through hell, Sandra. LOL, an exciting chapter.
'If I tell him, God, I know that will be my death sentence, he can't let me go now. [To avoid a comma-splice, you should change the comma to a semicolon after "sentence".
Grant is not as confident as he has been before about finding Tania. I keep telling myself: "Sandra knows what she's doing. She knows Tania's the protagonist. She won't kill off her protagonist. Will she?
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Wow, you really put your heroines through hell, Sandra. LOL, an exciting chapter.
'If I tell him, God, I know that will be my death sentence, he can't let me go now. [To avoid a comma-splice, you should change the comma to a semicolon after "sentence".
Grant is not as confident as he has been before about finding Tania. I keep telling myself: "Sandra knows what she's doing. She knows Tania's the protagonist. She won't kill off her protagonist. Will she?
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Hi Jay, thank you so much for this lovely review. I've corrected that comma-splice now. I still manage make those stupid mistakes. :(
Kill off my protagonist?? Hmm, now there's a thought! LOL. We shall see what happens in the next 2 parts. Thank you, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sandra:
I continue to enjoy this novel, mostly due to the sharp dialogue
and realistic kidnapping situation in which Tania finds herself.
She is smart enough to know she is in a no-win situation - if
she gives Colin her password, he will kill her; if she doesn't, her
pain level will become intolerable.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Sandra:
I continue to enjoy this novel, mostly due to the sharp dialogue
and realistic kidnapping situation in which Tania finds herself.
She is smart enough to know she is in a no-win situation - if
she gives Colin her password, he will kill her; if she doesn't, her
pain level will become intolerable.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Rdfrdmom2 for you really nice review, I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Poor Tania she is so strong to be able to still function with all her injuries, that's a miracle. Hopefully, Grant will find her soon. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Poor Tania she is so strong to be able to still function with all her injuries, that's a miracle. Hopefully, Grant will find her soon. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Thank you for another lovely review, Iza, and your continued support. Have a wonderful week, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, hope you are doing better today sweet girl...
even with the new shingles...
OMG if I were Tania I would just lay down and hold my breath...that would show Colin...and she would be out of pain...hmmmm...
all Grant or Margaret have to say to Colin is...I would like the paper work yesterday...he still has to get the laptop to get it out either way...and he would have to go back to Tania...
Ok...I have to get going my amazing friend...they are talking 10-12 inches of snow...and I have to see how close it is...and take a quick run to the store...
this is a awesome chapter...and I think we're getting closer to finding Tania...tell that handsome muse of yours my idea...always so very well written you...so much love coming your way...Linda xxoo now where are my boots at????
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Hi Sandra, hope you are doing better today sweet girl...
even with the new shingles...
OMG if I were Tania I would just lay down and hold my breath...that would show Colin...and she would be out of pain...hmmmm...
all Grant or Margaret have to say to Colin is...I would like the paper work yesterday...he still has to get the laptop to get it out either way...and he would have to go back to Tania...
Ok...I have to get going my amazing friend...they are talking 10-12 inches of snow...and I have to see how close it is...and take a quick run to the store...
this is a awesome chapter...and I think we're getting closer to finding Tania...tell that handsome muse of yours my idea...always so very well written you...so much love coming your way...Linda xxoo now where are my boots at????
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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We had some snow today, Yay! It laid for about 2 minutes then disappeared! Lol. I hope you got your shopping alright, and didn't get snowed in?
Thank you my dear friend, for another of your fun reviews, and all those beautiful stars. Tania has to hang on just a few hours longer, then we'll know if Grant's plan is going to work. So, fingers crossed. I'll let you know once I know, you know that, don't you. But you mustn't tell anyone. LOL!!
Take care in the snow, keep warm, wear snowshoes with spikes on, and wrap yourself in hotwater bottles. And don't forget you woolly vest and hat and gloves! Thermal longjohns are good too!!! LOL!!
Love you lots, my dear friend. Humongous hugs. Sandra xxxxx
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yea...you'll let me know...after Grant and Tania's have their first born...
they changed and said it would start snowing tomorrow...sure just prolong it...I love the snow...but 3 inches is good...
and I have a heating pad...keeps my feet warm...and relaxes my lower back when I try to lay floors....and cut down trees...
you are always soooooooo welcome sweet girl...
love you the most my amazing friend...biggerest hugs back at you...xxoo
Comment from Lance S. Loria
Good drama to keep the reader's attention and wanting to know more. I thought Tania's self-medical diagnosis was a bit over done. She just woke from a beating. Her head probably wouldn't be very clear. She might also exhibit a bit more fears too. She's feeling doomed with no way out. Overwhelmed. No edits or adjustments needed.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Good drama to keep the reader's attention and wanting to know more. I thought Tania's self-medical diagnosis was a bit over done. She just woke from a beating. Her head probably wouldn't be very clear. She might also exhibit a bit more fears too. She's feeling doomed with no way out. Overwhelmed. No edits or adjustments needed.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for your lovely review, Lance. I appreciate you valid comments and will look into them. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Sandra, with this intense reading chapter. I'm glad that Tania is still alive--though for how long we don't know yet. I hope she is found before it is too late. I'm surprised Lorna didn't have a suggestion for Grant as she seems so informed on the ways of his business. I believe Tania will somehow find a way to untie her legs and do something to help herself out of this dire dilemma. Colin needs to be in a psych ward as he is a psycho.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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You did a great job, Sandra, with this intense reading chapter. I'm glad that Tania is still alive--though for how long we don't know yet. I hope she is found before it is too late. I'm surprised Lorna didn't have a suggestion for Grant as she seems so informed on the ways of his business. I believe Tania will somehow find a way to untie her legs and do something to help herself out of this dire dilemma. Colin needs to be in a psych ward as he is a psycho.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Jan, for your continued support. This is all happening in one day. The idea, the plan, finding the question, which Laura is working on now, and then the chase. Hold on, my friend. Lot happening in the next part! And you are right about Colin! Thank you so much, Jan. Warm hugs, my friend. I hope you are doing okay, my dear. Sandra xxx
Comment from royowen
This is the most difficult story I've ever had to read of yours Sandra, I think I'm better at nursery rhymes, minus the bad bits. Like falling off walls etc. and it must be difficult for you, after being a children's poet for so long, so if you can endure, so can I, well done, Sandra, good scribing, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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This is the most difficult story I've ever had to read of yours Sandra, I think I'm better at nursery rhymes, minus the bad bits. Like falling off walls etc. and it must be difficult for you, after being a children's poet for so long, so if you can endure, so can I, well done, Sandra, good scribing, blessings Roy
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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I won't be writing another one like this, Roy, I'm going back to my children's poetry and stories. I had to try something different though. Lol. It changes direction soon, so hold on, my friend. Thank you for reading this part. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
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You?ve done brilliantly, don?t mind me, I?m a grump.
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Lol, No you're not! You're lovely. xxx
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Ask Elaine heh heh
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Sandra, it doesn't look good for Tania does it? Your description of her agony and predicament is so well written. And I agree, Colin has come to the point of no return. If she gives him the password, she's damned, and if she doesn't she's equally damned. Great story, my friend. Ulla xxxx
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Wow, Sandra, it doesn't look good for Tania does it? Your description of her agony and predicament is so well written. And I agree, Colin has come to the point of no return. If she gives him the password, she's damned, and if she doesn't she's equally damned. Great story, my friend. Ulla xxxx
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Ulla, for this lovely review and the six stars. We have snow here today!!! The last time it snowed here in the south, was in December 2010, I remember it well. That's all of 10 years ago. What's the weather like in your part of the world? Keep safe my friend. :) Sandra xx
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I hate to say it, but today has been lovely. Sunshine and very mild. I've been out on my upper terrace all day after walking my dog. I have read about the heavy snow falling in England. I'm so sorry. The rest of the week is going to be lovely here. Up to 22 degrees so they say. Sorry!!!
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Well, thanks for that!!!!! LOL. Enjoy, my friend, it can all change!! xxx
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Absolutely!!