Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Betrayal Chapter 4"In the title.
43 total reviews
Comment from Shirley McLain
I should save up all my sixes just for you. This chapter leads well to the next one. I want to find out what is going to happen in the meeting. You did a great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
  |
I should save up all my sixes just for you. This chapter leads well to the next one. I want to find out what is going to happen in the meeting. You did a great job. Shirley
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
Oh, Shirley, thank you so much for the six, and the lovely review. That is so very kind of you. I'm just over the moon that you enjoyed this chapter, thank you and a huge hug! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
Right on track with this instalment, except for one little thing I've noted below. The writing remains consistently good and clear and the character of Tania is well established now. Still a few little mysteries for both the main players too.
What he didn't like was the similarity of one set of plans to the ones he'd paid his half-brother for. He put his cursor on it and enlarged the picture, studying the plans closely. - earlier he says he's worked with a lot of architects and can tell signature styles yet here it's only one set from numerous that is similar. I don't think this fully adds up.
Tania was curled up on the sofa with her laptop on her knees / She put her coffee cup on the table, swung her legs off the sofa and sat up straight. - mechanics of the scene - the laptop is on her knees, it would have clattered to the floor if she swung her legs off the sofa having been curled up.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
 |
Hi Sandra,
Right on track with this instalment, except for one little thing I've noted below. The writing remains consistently good and clear and the character of Tania is well established now. Still a few little mysteries for both the main players too.
What he didn't like was the similarity of one set of plans to the ones he'd paid his half-brother for. He put his cursor on it and enlarged the picture, studying the plans closely. - earlier he says he's worked with a lot of architects and can tell signature styles yet here it's only one set from numerous that is similar. I don't think this fully adds up.
Tania was curled up on the sofa with her laptop on her knees / She put her coffee cup on the table, swung her legs off the sofa and sat up straight. - mechanics of the scene - the laptop is on her knees, it would have clattered to the floor if she swung her legs off the sofa having been curled up.
All the best
G
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
LOL! I'll have her holding the laptop! I don't think she'd like to see it in pieces on the floor! Thank you, Gareth, so much for all your help. I honestly appreciated it all. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from lyenochka
Another great post which gives us more of the pieces to the puzzle. I like how you have the readers know what's going on while the characters are still working on resolving the problems. Will Tania be able to ask if Grant knows Colin? We'll have to wait to see...
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
|
Another great post which gives us more of the pieces to the puzzle. I like how you have the readers know what's going on while the characters are still working on resolving the problems. Will Tania be able to ask if Grant knows Colin? We'll have to wait to see...
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so much for picking out what you liked, Helen. I'm really pleased you are still enjoying this story. Warm hugs my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
Well...
Grant and Tania are planning a meeting together...alone? I am sliding back over to my original theory in CH 1. I think Blake is ready to believe Tania and not his brother. Her upset tells me the plans were drawn by her. Interesting tale of intrigue to follow I'm sure.
Robert
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
|
Hello Sandra.
Well...
Grant and Tania are planning a meeting together...alone? I am sliding back over to my original theory in CH 1. I think Blake is ready to believe Tania and not his brother. Her upset tells me the plans were drawn by her. Interesting tale of intrigue to follow I'm sure.
Robert
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so much for another lovely review, Robert. Grant doesn't want to believe her, but he'll have to make up his mind on a few pointers soon. Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
-
Hello Sandra.
You are very welcome. I'm enjoying the intrigue in this story.
Robert
Comment from Cindy Warren
I think the ex-boyfriend is about to be found out. Grant isn't going to be happy, but he's not stupid and I'm betting he'll know the truth when he hears it. But he's still a jerk.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
|
I think the ex-boyfriend is about to be found out. Grant isn't going to be happy, but he's not stupid and I'm betting he'll know the truth when he hears it. But he's still a jerk.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
LOL! He is rather coming across like that, isn't he? I'll have to sort the fellow out! Thanks so much, Cindy, for another lovely review, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from tfawcus
Superb characterisation in this chapter. You have depicted Grant's fragile ego wonderfully well. I also enjoyed the teaser, suggesting a backstory affecting his view of women:
I know from personal experience just how manipulating and cunning women can be when they want something bad enough. It still hurt to think about it, even after all this time. Never again!
I think this internal dialogue also needs to be in italics:
'For crying out loud! Grow up, man, isn't that just what women do? Use their wiles to get under your skin, and then wham! Haven't you learnt your lesson yet?'
I also notice that later on you have more internal dialogue, but that it is placed in inverted commas.
You have some very good action tags, such as: Tania could hear her tapping her finger on the phone.
This chapter sets the scene for a fascinating encounter in the cafe.
I'm hugely enjoying your story!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
|
Superb characterisation in this chapter. You have depicted Grant's fragile ego wonderfully well. I also enjoyed the teaser, suggesting a backstory affecting his view of women:
I know from personal experience just how manipulating and cunning women can be when they want something bad enough. It still hurt to think about it, even after all this time. Never again!
I think this internal dialogue also needs to be in italics:
'For crying out loud! Grow up, man, isn't that just what women do? Use their wiles to get under your skin, and then wham! Haven't you learnt your lesson yet?'
I also notice that later on you have more internal dialogue, but that it is placed in inverted commas.
You have some very good action tags, such as: Tania could hear her tapping her finger on the phone.
This chapter sets the scene for a fascinating encounter in the cafe.
I'm hugely enjoying your story!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so much for your really lovely review, Tony, and all the stars you have awarded it. I really appreciate those comments. I'm going to sort out those internal thoughts and put them all in italics. Can't have him coming across as a nutter! LOL. Thanks, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from Daniel Ayles
Excellent pacing. Well-balanced narrative that never requires the dreaded information dump to inform the reader. Good use of internal monologue within the structure. Enjoyable read. Good job!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
|
Excellent pacing. Well-balanced narrative that never requires the dreaded information dump to inform the reader. Good use of internal monologue within the structure. Enjoyable read. Good job!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so much for your lovely review, Daniel, I really appreciated those comments. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
-
You?re welcome.
Comment from robyn corum
Sandra,
I'm not sure - they each may be 'protesting a bit too much', if you get me. It makes it point even more directly that they will end up together. I might also even add another love interest in one or both their lives to make it seem harder for the relationship to occur. You know?
Note:
--> Sleep had forsaken her, there was no point in (lying) there thinking. She needed to work.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
|
Sandra,
I'm not sure - they each may be 'protesting a bit too much', if you get me. It makes it point even more directly that they will end up together. I might also even add another love interest in one or both their lives to make it seem harder for the relationship to occur. You know?
Note:
--> Sleep had forsaken her, there was no point in (lying) there thinking. She needed to work.
Thanks!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
Thank you, Robyn, for another lovely review. I've made a note of those things and will work on my MS copy. I have a bit more to tidy up on the first two parts, so I'll get stuck in today. Thanks for pointing out that nit! I've been and scratched it now!! :)) Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from damommy
As you know, I've jumped in the middle of this story, but I enjoyed the chapter. I'll go back and start from the first. Looking forward to another good book of yours.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
|
As you know, I've jumped in the middle of this story, but I enjoyed the chapter. I'll go back and start from the first. Looking forward to another good book of yours.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
Aw, thank you, Yvonne, that is so nice of your to come and read this part. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's so different that I do still worry about it. Your review is so encouraging. Bless your heart. Warm hugs, my friend. xxx Sandra xx
Comment from BHCameron
I do like the way you paint your scenes. The characters are believable and the dialogue is natural. Grant's internal conflict is well explained without being overly so - emotion versus trust - for both Tania and his half-brother. The fact that it is bothering him to this extent reveals something about him as well. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
|
I do like the way you paint your scenes. The characters are believable and the dialogue is natural. Grant's internal conflict is well explained without being overly so - emotion versus trust - for both Tania and his half-brother. The fact that it is bothering him to this extent reveals something about him as well. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
-
Thank you, BH, for reading this part in my book, I'm delighted you enjoyed it. Warm hugs! Sandra xxx