Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Betrayal Chapter 1"In the title.
53 total reviews
Comment from RShipp
'Excuse me! Do you always drive without considering pedestrians when you're out in your fancy sports car? Perhaps you don't realise... (She is a feisty one!)
I hope her interview is with 'the despicable' man!!!
Enjoyed!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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'Excuse me! Do you always drive without considering pedestrians when you're out in your fancy sports car? Perhaps you don't realise... (She is a feisty one!)
I hope her interview is with 'the despicable' man!!!
Enjoyed!
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for reading chapter 1, my friend, that was so nice of you to go back to the start. Yes, there is more to our Tania than anyone realises at the moment. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment from DeboraDyess
Hi Sandra!
Tania Russell stared in dismay at her mud splattered coat, and turned to watch the car, whose driver had been responsible, turn into the underground carpark. >> I'd leave out the comma just before the 'and'. There are lots of commas here and eliminating this one wouldn't change the sentence , but might increase the readability. :)
Oh, I like her already!!
bloody hard to keep a half decent wardrobe? >> Is this supposed to be a question? It's actually a statement, but many people say things as questions that aren't, so I just thought I'd bring it to your attention. :)
Uh-oh ... Boy, is she going to be in for a surprise! lol
Ferrari Sports car >> Is this a model of the Ferrari? The Sports? Otherwise I think the word is a compount - sportscar - and isn't really necessary. Who doesn't know a Ferrari is a sportscar! lol
Uh-oh...Poor Tania!
grandfather had had his first >> I think you could leave the double 'had' out. One 'had' will be fine. We already understand that the stroke was in the past.
she'd left home with hope, and a strong belief, in her heart that no one could better her designs. >> I do'nt believe either of these commas are needed. They odn't help with readability and make it feel awkward.
Oh, this is going to be fun!! I" hooked!
Blessings and thank you!
Debs
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2020
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Hi Sandra!
Tania Russell stared in dismay at her mud splattered coat, and turned to watch the car, whose driver had been responsible, turn into the underground carpark. >> I'd leave out the comma just before the 'and'. There are lots of commas here and eliminating this one wouldn't change the sentence , but might increase the readability. :)
Oh, I like her already!!
bloody hard to keep a half decent wardrobe? >> Is this supposed to be a question? It's actually a statement, but many people say things as questions that aren't, so I just thought I'd bring it to your attention. :)
Uh-oh ... Boy, is she going to be in for a surprise! lol
Ferrari Sports car >> Is this a model of the Ferrari? The Sports? Otherwise I think the word is a compount - sportscar - and isn't really necessary. Who doesn't know a Ferrari is a sportscar! lol
Uh-oh...Poor Tania!
grandfather had had his first >> I think you could leave the double 'had' out. One 'had' will be fine. We already understand that the stroke was in the past.
she'd left home with hope, and a strong belief, in her heart that no one could better her designs. >> I do'nt believe either of these commas are needed. They odn't help with readability and make it feel awkward.
Oh, this is going to be fun!! I" hooked!
Blessings and thank you!
Debs
Comment Written 05-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for going back and reviewing this one, Debs, I don't know how those errors got missed, but I've made all the corrections. I owe you!! I'm so pleased you enjoyed the first chapter, it's the hardest one to sell. Sending you another hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh dear, wait until she see who runs the company. =] This as always is very well written. I saw no errors and found it kept my attention through out and I can't wait for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2020
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Oh dear, wait until she see who runs the company. =] This as always is very well written. I saw no errors and found it kept my attention through out and I can't wait for the next chapter.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2020
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Good morning, Rox. Thank you so much for reading my first chapter, I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Shocks in store in the next part, but not because of what everyone thinks. :)) Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment from L. Kalere
Hi...I just finished reading and re-reading your first chapter to Betrayal, and Accusation is a good title. Already there's a little intrigue, enough to grab someone's attention and stay with it. The protagonist is indeed scrappy, so you can look forward to more conflict. Since this takes place in London I was checking several of the words to see if they were consistent with the British language...and they all were, including spellings like "apologise". Overall the dialog flowed very nicely, but there were a couple of sentences where I hesitated. Maybe they're consistent with the British way of writing or speaking and if that's true, please ignore them. 5th paragraph from bottom, "she'd taken herself off"; 5th paragraph from the top, "Now she'd got it all out". Also in that same paragraph, check the comma after "strong belief".
Finally, I'd really watch my boyfriend closely around a girlfriend named Monica Fox. Wow, is she going to live up to that name? Intriguing.
I really hope this isn't more than you expected, and I could be way off base. If that's the case, just chuck the whole review.
Thank you so much for asking me to look it over. It was a real honor. I'm looking forward to subsequent chapters.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Hi...I just finished reading and re-reading your first chapter to Betrayal, and Accusation is a good title. Already there's a little intrigue, enough to grab someone's attention and stay with it. The protagonist is indeed scrappy, so you can look forward to more conflict. Since this takes place in London I was checking several of the words to see if they were consistent with the British language...and they all were, including spellings like "apologise". Overall the dialog flowed very nicely, but there were a couple of sentences where I hesitated. Maybe they're consistent with the British way of writing or speaking and if that's true, please ignore them. 5th paragraph from bottom, "she'd taken herself off"; 5th paragraph from the top, "Now she'd got it all out". Also in that same paragraph, check the comma after "strong belief".
Finally, I'd really watch my boyfriend closely around a girlfriend named Monica Fox. Wow, is she going to live up to that name? Intriguing.
I really hope this isn't more than you expected, and I could be way off base. If that's the case, just chuck the whole review.
Thank you so much for asking me to look it over. It was a real honor. I'm looking forward to subsequent chapters.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for coming and reading this chapter, L Kalere, (what is your name?) I really appreciate it. Yes, the sentences are the way we speak, and the spellings are correct. I am British, living in the South of England. You will notice this with several English authors on here. We all had the same problem reading American spellings, but after nine years on the site, I'm used to it now. One funny thing happened when my first book was published and the reviewers on here found out my full name is Sandra Stoner-Mitchell. My late husband's surname was Stoner. I was teased about it because a stoner is apparently a drug addict in your country! LOL. Another word I had trouble with, and still do, is you call our 'flip-flop' sandals, thongs. That is just so weird, as thongs in England are our briefest of brief panties. So, you will have lots of fun getting used to us! :)) Again, thank you for reading and going through it like that, I'll check on that comma, thanks for that.
It's really nice to meet you, and look forward to reading more of your work. Warm hugs. Sandra.
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Well I have egg on my face. If I'd been a little more observant I would have seen that you're FROM ENGLAND. Mea culpa...I have much to learn. Thanks for taking me under your wing.
When I joined FS I was so worried about embarrassing myself that I decided to use a fake name. Kalere means "little woman" in Swahili (but I'm Italian!!). Go figure. Just another crazy Yank. Thanks for being so kind. Linda
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Oh, Linda, I've had more than one egg plastered on my face, I can tell you. But we're a good bunch on here, you'll do well. I've already become a fan of yours, so we'll meet up a lot. Anything you want to know, give me a shout.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
Tania certainly had an auspicious start to what appears to be one of the biggest opportunities of her life.
Did a good job of describing her feelings of inadequacy at the interview and the incident with the mud certainly did not help.
I have suspicions about who the interviewer is but I will wait for the next chapter.
Robert
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Hello Sandra.
Tania certainly had an auspicious start to what appears to be one of the biggest opportunities of her life.
Did a good job of describing her feelings of inadequacy at the interview and the incident with the mud certainly did not help.
I have suspicions about who the interviewer is but I will wait for the next chapter.
Robert
Comment Written 30-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for reading chapter one, Robert, and giving it such a lovely review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed the beginning of my new book. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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You're welcome
Comment from Mary Vigasin
Truthfully Sandra when it comes to longer stories, I have the attention span of a two year old. Having said that I read your chapter and enjoyed your characters and your attention to detail. You peaked my interest.
Very well done and look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Truthfully Sandra when it comes to longer stories, I have the attention span of a two year old. Having said that I read your chapter and enjoyed your characters and your attention to detail. You peaked my interest.
Very well done and look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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What a lovely review, thank you so much, Mary. I'm delighted your enjoyed reading my first chapter in this new book. I must show your review to my sons, they are always telling me they can't read my books for the same reason. LOL. Even my time-travel series. Thanks for this. Warm hugs. Sandra
Comment from Y. M. Roger
NOOOO! Don't leave your designs unless you've registered/copyrighted them somewhere!! ;) :) Yep.... I can see who's waiting behind those doors there... :) :) :) Wonderful set-up to an intriguing storyline, my lady: looking forward to where exactly that 'betrayal' falls on the professional/emotional spectrum! ;) Bring it on! :) Yvette
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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NOOOO! Don't leave your designs unless you've registered/copyrighted them somewhere!! ;) :) Yep.... I can see who's waiting behind those doors there... :) :) :) Wonderful set-up to an intriguing storyline, my lady: looking forward to where exactly that 'betrayal' falls on the professional/emotional spectrum! ;) Bring it on! :) Yvette
Comment Written 30-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Aw, thank you, Yvette. The six stars are so happily received, and your review, even more. I'm so pleased you liked the first chapter, that's the hardest one to write and get it right. Thank you for making my day, dear friend. Warm hugs! Sandra xxx
Comment from Sanku
Since british taught us English, I am happy to read UK English.
I loved the beginning .And I would surely follow the novel as you post more chapters.I am full of anticipation since I know Tania is going to get a shock to see her interviewer is the rude Ferrari man.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Since british taught us English, I am happy to read UK English.
I loved the beginning .And I would surely follow the novel as you post more chapters.I am full of anticipation since I know Tania is going to get a shock to see her interviewer is the rude Ferrari man.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thank you, Sanku, that is such a nice review. I'm so pleased that you will be joining me on this journey. Tania will be getting more than a shock. Stay tuned. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, we knowwww it's going to be good ole Grant...
so lets see if she turns around and walks out the door...
and he runs over and kisses the mud of her face...oh please don't go...
well done my amazing friend...I think I'll love this one...
what happen to...I'm going to take a break after the A,B,C book ???...you crack me up...a great chapter you...sounds like a winner...very interesting...and very well thought of...love you the mostest...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Hi Sandra, we knowwww it's going to be good ole Grant...
so lets see if she turns around and walks out the door...
and he runs over and kisses the mud of her face...oh please don't go...
well done my amazing friend...I think I'll love this one...
what happen to...I'm going to take a break after the A,B,C book ???...you crack me up...a great chapter you...sounds like a winner...very interesting...and very well thought of...love you the mostest...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 30-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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LOL! I forgot to take that break!! I wanted to do something light and not a lot of research this time. I've already written 20 chapters, so I can sort out my ABC while putting this book out.
I'm so glad you liked this first part, Linda, it's been a while since I've written a grown-up story, lol, so I've been a bit nervous. Thank you so very much for the six stars, my wonderful friend, and this brilliant review, you always put a humongous smile on my face.
Since this Covid 19 has kept me in lockdown for the last few months, I've been writing more, it's been my outlet, Graham has been busy with his woodwork and my drawings. Without them, I think we would have gone nuts!
I'm still wary of going out. How is it where you are now? I hope you are keeping well, my friend, and staying safe.
Sending you a lots of hugs and a mountain of love. :)) Sandra xxxx
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I wouldn't be surprised if when she walks into that room...Eric and Herbie are the ones behind the the desk...your going to get brain freeze...20 chapters...LMBO...do you and Graham still know each other???...for all you know...he built an extension on the house...
as far as the covid goes...Florida is completely open...and some states had taken the masks down...and most stores have taken their 6 ft separation sighs off the floors...I never went by all that crap anyway...I wore my mask on my chin...and that was only in case I dribble...
well...you enjoy writing...and I'll enjoy reading...sending you a new set of glasses...and so much love to you both...smiling big back at you...Linda xxoo
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I send Graham a photo every now and again, and he has a voice recording of me!! LOL Bless him, he's lovely. I was going to take a break, but then we were told that our age group still can't go to the gym, I loved our senior circuit group, Football is still not letting fans go to watch their teams, that didn't go down well with Graham, and other places we went to. So, I carried on writing, and Graham's building the third extension!!! LOL
I'm posting part 2 tomorrow. I think I'll slow down next year. :))
Have a lovely weekend, my wonderful friend, take care and stay safe. Love you muchos! xxxxxxxx
I'm sorry to hear President Trump has the virus now and his wife. I hope they get well soon. It doesn't matter who he is, it's a horrid illness. xxx
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you are to funny...are you sure about the year of rest...LOL...
Ahhh...I feel so bad for Graham...no football...no gym...and no wifey Poo...I'm sure he enjoys the photos and the voice recording...you know...there is always facetime....by the time this is all over...Graham won't have to mow the lawn anymore...the house will take up all the land...he sounds like a dream...
it is a bad virus...but this is why China with the help of some of our Democrat members invented it...I think in time it will all come out...my prayers are with all who get it...and that they all recover healthy...I never would have imagined what was going on in our government...shocked pretty much all of the USA...and I think a lot outside the USA...President Trump will win...but I want to see how many Demo states turn red...they are all ready finding mail in votes for President Trump in ditches...and garbage's...and dead people are voting for Biden...some two times...who would have guessed...well...time will tell...
well you who runs at a rabbits pace...I'm off to read...you have a wonderful Sunday...Graham too...take care my amazing friend...and stay healthy...sending so much love your way...say Hi to Ian for me...xxoo
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you are to funny...are you sure about the year of rest...LOL...
Ahhh...I feel so bad for Graham...no football...no gym...and no wifey Poo...I'm sure he enjoys the photos and the voice recording...you know...there is always facetime....by the time this is all over...Graham won't have to mow the lawn anymore...the house will take up all the land...he sounds like a dream...
it is a bad virus...but this is why China with the help of some of our Democrat members invented it...I think in time it will all come out...my prayers are with all who get it...and that they all recover healthy...I never would have imagined what was going on in our government...shocked pretty much all of the USA...and I think a lot outside the USA...President Trump will win...but I want to see how many Demo states turn red...they are all ready finding mail in votes for President Trump in ditches...and garbage's...and dead people are voting for Biden...some two times...who would have guessed...well...time will tell...
well you who runs at a rabbits pace...I'm off to read...you have a wonderful Sunday...Graham too...take care my amazing friend...and stay healthy...sending so much love your way...say Hi to Ian for me...xxoo
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you are to funny...are you sure about the year of rest...LOL...
Ahhh...I feel so bad for Graham...no football...no gym...and no wifey Poo...I'm sure he enjoys the photos and the voice recording...you know...there is always facetime....by the time this is all over...Graham won't have to mow the lawn anymore...the house will take up all the land...he sounds like a dream...
it is a bad virus...but this is why China with the help of some of our Democrat members invented it...I think in time it will all come out...my prayers are with all who get it...and that they all recover healthy...I never would have imagined what was going on in our government...shocked pretty much all of the USA...and I think a lot outside the USA...President Trump will win...but I want to see how many Demo states turn red...they are all ready finding mail in votes for President Trump in ditches...and garbage's...and dead people are voting for Biden...some two times...who would have guessed...well...time will tell...
well you who runs at a rabbits pace...I'm off to read...you have a wonderful Sunday...Graham too...take care my amazing friend...and stay healthy...sending so much love your way...say Hi to Ian for me...xxoo
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This is really good work Sandra. Congratulations on winning the book of the month about animals. It was well deserved. I like what you've penned here and can't wait to read more of this. Thanks for sharing this well written work. I enjoyed it. Well done!
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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This is really good work Sandra. Congratulations on winning the book of the month about animals. It was well deserved. I like what you've penned here and can't wait to read more of this. Thanks for sharing this well written work. I enjoyed it. Well done!
Comment Written 29-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much, Jeffrey, for the congratulations, I was so surprised and very pleased.
I'm very happy that you liked the beginning of my new book, it was nerve-wracking waiting for the first reviews. You are always so encouraging, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx