Forks in the Road
A moment in time27 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It's more than an contest entry. It's a statement on life that many young people should read. One of my husband's mentors in the US. My hsuband was CID. This mentor was from inner city Chicago. As an older juvenal a judge gave him a choice, the Army or jail. He chose the Army and was glad he did. It changed the direction his life went. Good luck with the contest.
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It's more than an contest entry. It's a statement on life that many young people should read. One of my husband's mentors in the US. My hsuband was CID. This mentor was from inner city Chicago. As an older juvenal a judge gave him a choice, the Army or jail. He chose the Army and was glad he did. It changed the direction his life went. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
Comment from LisaMay
Obviously a good fright works for some people but not for others. The tension is very well captured. Your story is graphic and contemporary, with a good blend of detail, action, psychology and consequence.
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Obviously a good fright works for some people but not for others. The tension is very well captured. Your story is graphic and contemporary, with a good blend of detail, action, psychology and consequence.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2020
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This is wonderful and brilliant in its detail and description. You breath life into these characters in that you can feel the adrenaline and fear in these kids as they run from the gunshot. The ending of how "the fear of God" that day was put in this character to change was rewarding..
Well done.
MTV
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This is wonderful and brilliant in its detail and description. You breath life into these characters in that you can feel the adrenaline and fear in these kids as they run from the gunshot. The ending of how "the fear of God" that day was put in this character to change was rewarding..
Well done.
MTV
Comment Written 06-Sep-2020
Comment from nomi338
When you are young and foolish enough to think yourself invincible, you take dumb chances without regard to being caught or hurt. Every time you get away with it, you become emboldened to try it again or graduate to something even more dangerous and foolhardy. Then comes the day when somebody gets hurt or caught and has to face some serious consequences. Suddenly , it does not feel like fun anymore. You come to realize that it never was much fun at any time. The passage of time is a good teacher for those lucky enough to survive the ignorance of childhood.
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When you are young and foolish enough to think yourself invincible, you take dumb chances without regard to being caught or hurt. Every time you get away with it, you become emboldened to try it again or graduate to something even more dangerous and foolhardy. Then comes the day when somebody gets hurt or caught and has to face some serious consequences. Suddenly , it does not feel like fun anymore. You come to realize that it never was much fun at any time. The passage of time is a good teacher for those lucky enough to survive the ignorance of childhood.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2020
Comment from RShipp
Wow! This is a very compelling story. I am so glad that the 'one' chose to make a turn-in-the-road. For many, the life that follows is apparently the life that followed for his friends.
I felt such relief for the young man... and such sadness for the others.
Well done.
Best of luck in the Non-Fiction Writing Contest.
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Wow! This is a very compelling story. I am so glad that the 'one' chose to make a turn-in-the-road. For many, the life that follows is apparently the life that followed for his friends.
I felt such relief for the young man... and such sadness for the others.
Well done.
Best of luck in the Non-Fiction Writing Contest.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2020
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Forks in the Road
by lancellot
Hello,
A well written story about young hoodlums breaking windows for fun and how some learned an important lesson and others didn't. The way you wrote it implies that Ricky or Ty became criminals and died young...or went to prison. The only thing I don't like is the picture. Why a black boy? Why not a white one? I see a correlation to the present black lives matter.
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Forks in the Road
by lancellot
Hello,
A well written story about young hoodlums breaking windows for fun and how some learned an important lesson and others didn't. The way you wrote it implies that Ricky or Ty became criminals and died young...or went to prison. The only thing I don't like is the picture. Why a black boy? Why not a white one? I see a correlation to the present black lives matter.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2020
Comment from judiverse
Very compelling story, and best of luck in the contest. It seems that there are always those who just go along with the ringleader, no matter what. There could have been serious consequences if the motorist had actually fired the guy at the perpetrators. Unfortunately, it seems that the media would have been on the side of the youths, trying to justify their actions. Great description of the incident. It's very meaningful that the narrator decided to step away from the gang and make something of himself. For the other boys, it makes you wonder if they would have lived long if they continued their lawlessness. Best of luck in the contest. judi
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Very compelling story, and best of luck in the contest. It seems that there are always those who just go along with the ringleader, no matter what. There could have been serious consequences if the motorist had actually fired the guy at the perpetrators. Unfortunately, it seems that the media would have been on the side of the youths, trying to justify their actions. Great description of the incident. It's very meaningful that the narrator decided to step away from the gang and make something of himself. For the other boys, it makes you wonder if they would have lived long if they continued their lawlessness. Best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 06-Sep-2020
Comment from Mastery
Hello, my friend. I like this story, partly because of the manner in which it is related and partly because the incident saved your life in some ways. It seems real in many ways:
Great opening "hook": "I didn't see the brick leave Ricky's hand, but I watched it soar through the air. It was a good throw, not unlike a football." (brilliant)
Good image here: "Tracy and I, scraped, bruised, and sweaty, knelt on the ground behind someone's garage, desperately trying to catch our breath. Tracy was crying. (Tracy cried)
Suggestions: Your opening paragraph is pretty long, Lance. I would advise starting a new one with these words.. .
"Tires shrieked, and the window exploded in hail of glass."
And: don't use words you don't need, like here for instance:
"Our victim turned away from his smashed window and glared at us. He didn't yell or speak. He just stared like he was trying to see the reason we had done that to him in our faces." Try this instead: "Our victim turned away from his smashed window and glared. He said nothing, but stared as if he was trying to see the reason we had done that to him."
And perhaps: Change this sentence around for more effective impact: ""Look at him, crying," Ty yelled and pointed at the man." Change to read: "Ty yelled and pointed. "Look, he's crying like a baby."
This is a wonderful lesson-learning that many young people would be wise to read and learn from.
Bless you, my friend. :) Bob
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2020
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Hello, my friend. I like this story, partly because of the manner in which it is related and partly because the incident saved your life in some ways. It seems real in many ways:
Great opening "hook": "I didn't see the brick leave Ricky's hand, but I watched it soar through the air. It was a good throw, not unlike a football." (brilliant)
Good image here: "Tracy and I, scraped, bruised, and sweaty, knelt on the ground behind someone's garage, desperately trying to catch our breath. Tracy was crying. (Tracy cried)
Suggestions: Your opening paragraph is pretty long, Lance. I would advise starting a new one with these words.. .
"Tires shrieked, and the window exploded in hail of glass."
And: don't use words you don't need, like here for instance:
"Our victim turned away from his smashed window and glared at us. He didn't yell or speak. He just stared like he was trying to see the reason we had done that to him in our faces." Try this instead: "Our victim turned away from his smashed window and glared. He said nothing, but stared as if he was trying to see the reason we had done that to him."
And perhaps: Change this sentence around for more effective impact: ""Look at him, crying," Ty yelled and pointed at the man." Change to read: "Ty yelled and pointed. "Look, he's crying like a baby."
This is a wonderful lesson-learning that many young people would be wise to read and learn from.
Bless you, my friend. :) Bob
Comment Written 06-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much, Bob. Those are good ideas. I shall make the needed changes. You are greatly appreciated.
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Always glad to help if I can. :) Bob
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a great story for the Non-Fiction Writing Contest,
Lance. A wonderful success story about how you changed you direction after one foolish prank in your youth. Your two friends were not as smart as you. Good Job. Good luck! Nancyð???ð???
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This is a great story for the Non-Fiction Writing Contest,
Lance. A wonderful success story about how you changed you direction after one foolish prank in your youth. Your two friends were not as smart as you. Good Job. Good luck! Nancyð???ð???
Comment Written 06-Sep-2020
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a lesson well learned, and at least you did. We all do stupid things and don't know what sort of dreadful outcome could come from it. You could have died that day, instead you are a pillar of society. It's a shame the other two lads didn't learn from it. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
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That was a lesson well learned, and at least you did. We all do stupid things and don't know what sort of dreadful outcome could come from it. You could have died that day, instead you are a pillar of society. It's a shame the other two lads didn't learn from it. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-Sep-2020
