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Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Dear Rabbit"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
15 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
To end up in a bag, this is not for sure the dream of anybody. These girls where lucky to get away from this sad faith. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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To end up in a bag, this is not for sure the dream of anybody. These girls where lucky to get away from this sad faith. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I will give you a **spoiler** there is hardly a calm moment throughout this entire story.
Comment from aryr
An absolutely great job with this chapter, Liz. You continued your story of the girls very well. Having each person describe their experience is a great idea, too many times, there is just one spokesperson in a multi person situation. I could feel the anticipation, the shivers, the revulsion, the anger, the fear in every detail.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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An absolutely great job with this chapter, Liz. You continued your story of the girls very well. Having each person describe their experience is a great idea, too many times, there is just one spokesperson in a multi person situation. I could feel the anticipation, the shivers, the revulsion, the anger, the fear in every detail.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. It's been suggested I review who each character is. I know I have to take notes when I'm reading my Native American novels, there are so many important characters. I kind of got the idea from mother who used to do that. I've thanked a few on here for doing that so I will edit my stories to include that.
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That is such a great idea, you are so welcome for the review.
Comment from Mistydawn
The horror those poor girls had to go through. I'm just glad Liz and Linda were able to save them in time. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting very emotional. Your character's really come to life. You made the reader have empathy for them, what they had to endure. Your story really raises awareness. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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The horror those poor girls had to go through. I'm just glad Liz and Linda were able to save them in time. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting very emotional. Your character's really come to life. You made the reader have empathy for them, what they had to endure. Your story really raises awareness. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. It's been suggested I review who each character is. I know I have to take notes when I'm reading my Native American novels, there are so many important characters. I kind of got the idea from mother who used to do that. I've thanked a few on here for doing that so I will edit my stories to include that.
Comment from lyenochka
How clever to use a bra wire as a lock cutter. Very MacGyver-like!
I'm having some trouble keeping the characters separate because there are so many different girls. There was mention of five girls but so far there are at least seven names (Eyes of the Owl, Velvet Dove, Runs the Field, Sky, Star, Turtle, Spring Blossom). It would really help to have a list of characters and something about them so reviewers will know more about who's talking when.
One verb tense comment:
I remove the wire from my bra (removed)
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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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How clever to use a bra wire as a lock cutter. Very MacGyver-like!
I'm having some trouble keeping the characters separate because there are so many different girls. There was mention of five girls but so far there are at least seven names (Eyes of the Owl, Velvet Dove, Runs the Field, Sky, Star, Turtle, Spring Blossom). It would really help to have a list of characters and something about them so reviewers will know more about who's talking when.
One verb tense comment:
I remove the wire from my bra (removed)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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Where would I put that? I've noticed that on some stories. That is a great idea. when I read my Native American novels I take notes. I remember my mother used to too. I've always been grateful when someone has done that. Thank you for suggesting that.
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I put my character list at the beginning in a different font color. Some put it at the end like Pantygynt's book lists his characters at the end of the post in the Author's notes.
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Thank you for the help. I will work on posting it.
Comment from laMont Flanagan
The chapter realistically summarizes in an emotionall charged dialogue the issues surrounding the industry of abduction and trafficking of people which is modern slavery.The chapter succinctly provides the reader the dramatic rescue of five native Americans from future slavery and displays the pervasiveness of the crime.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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The chapter realistically summarizes in an emotionall charged dialogue the issues surrounding the industry of abduction and trafficking of people which is modern slavery.The chapter succinctly provides the reader the dramatic rescue of five native Americans from future slavery and displays the pervasiveness of the crime.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad it is having the impact I'm hoping for.