Pandora's Box
Flash Fiction 250 words19 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
A nice, concise bit of Flash. Good work showing the contrast contrast between wanderlust Jake, and pragmatic Jim. The fact that the message would be from Jake was pretty obvious, though. And the title gave away Jane's ultimate decision. Flash works better when you employ some misdirection. Keep the reader guessing.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
A nice, concise bit of Flash. Good work showing the contrast contrast between wanderlust Jake, and pragmatic Jim. The fact that the message would be from Jake was pretty obvious, though. And the title gave away Jane's ultimate decision. Flash works better when you employ some misdirection. Keep the reader guessing.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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This is a superb review with some nuggets of Flash advice -thanks for sharing zanya
Comment from Iza Deleanu
So far I think this is a the best entry and it's really a Pandora box that left the door opened to suppositions: what if? Will that love reignite? What that love will look like? Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
So far I think this is a the best entry and it's really a Pandora box that left the door opened to suppositions: what if? Will that love reignite? What that love will look like? Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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And thanks again for those 6 twinkling stars zanya
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Author, you have written a wonderful contribution to the stories being posted for this contest.
Temptation is always a good theme because even if the reader never knows what path was chosen by the writer, that question has been asked, and then the reader too, must think on his/ her decision, consciously or subconsciously .
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
Dear Author, you have written a wonderful contribution to the stories being posted for this contest.
Temptation is always a good theme because even if the reader never knows what path was chosen by the writer, that question has been asked, and then the reader too, must think on his/ her decision, consciously or subconsciously .
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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Great review zanya
Comment from lancellot
A very nicely written short. but, I wonder if her last line is contradicted by Jane stuffing the letter in her pocket?
notes
'Jane darling, I know I promised this more than two decades ago. Is it too late for us now? Jake.[']
- add
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
A very nicely written short. but, I wonder if her last line is contradicted by Jane stuffing the letter in her pocket?
notes
'Jane darling, I know I promised this more than two decades ago. Is it too late for us now? Jake.[']
- add
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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Thanks for a great review zanya
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
This is a good enough story. You need an R the first time you used the word 'performing.' Thanks for sharing this story with us. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
This is a good enough story. You need an R the first time you used the word 'performing.' Thanks for sharing this story with us. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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And thanks for sharing and reviewing zanya
Comment from elchupakabra
I really liked the idea, felt like it could have been tightened up a bit at the end. Also thought there was some room for flourishes but overall it was a really good effort :)
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
I really liked the idea, felt like it could have been tightened up a bit at the end. Also thought there was some room for flourishes but overall it was a really good effort :)
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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Thanks for sharing zanya
Comment from H. Darwin Reeves
Enjoyable read. Good job at setting the scene with the beach and Jim more interested in the stock market than you. The surprise came with the recent date on the paper. Interesting the way you left us hanging. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
Enjoyable read. Good job at setting the scene with the beach and Jim more interested in the stock market than you. The surprise came with the recent date on the paper. Interesting the way you left us hanging. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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Thanks for that encouraging review zanya
Comment from Seth Hill
I liked the brevity and the punch line.
Forgive me, but I cannot resist some suggestions.
Move the line about Pandora's box to when you are about to open the bottle (foreshadowing).
Delete the line about Jim in another universe - (too "on the nose") - we get it when Jim is concerned only about the stock market.
Move the line of the message from your first love to the end.
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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
I liked the brevity and the punch line.
Forgive me, but I cannot resist some suggestions.
Move the line about Pandora's box to when you are about to open the bottle (foreshadowing).
Delete the line about Jim in another universe - (too "on the nose") - we get it when Jim is concerned only about the stock market.
Move the line of the message from your first love to the end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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Thanks for sharing zanya
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What a dilemma Jane is in now. I enjoyed your contest entry. You handled the prompt well. I like how the 'shares' idea works with both the stocks and Jim's appearance. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
What a dilemma Jane is in now. I enjoyed your contest entry. You handled the prompt well. I like how the 'shares' idea works with both the stocks and Jim's appearance. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2020
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Thanks for reviewing zanya