Jewels in a Jasper Cup
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Comment from richie b
Marjon,
Your poem tells of the quest to find happiness.
We mine for rich's and powers all over the earth
and maybe we will even stumble upon peace.
Your words tell of the folly of human wisdom.
Your poem stirs thoughts of what might be if we
ever look past ourselves. Thank you for sharing.
Blessings,
Richie
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Marjon,
Your poem tells of the quest to find happiness.
We mine for rich's and powers all over the earth
and maybe we will even stumble upon peace.
Your words tell of the folly of human wisdom.
Your poem stirs thoughts of what might be if we
ever look past ourselves. Thank you for sharing.
Blessings,
Richie
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thanks Richie, for the fine review.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
The endless search for the formula of lasting peace and happiness is just that--an endless search. Man gets in the way and everything falls apart.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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The endless search for the formula of lasting peace and happiness is just that--an endless search. Man gets in the way and everything falls apart.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thanks, Rebecca, for the review. And I am afraid you are right. But it won't stop me from dreaming.
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I wonder if we will ever see the light of day.
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Maybe not in our lifetime. But it will come, I'm sure. If not, the world is doomed to vanish.
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I believe you are right.
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We must believe that and keep hoping. And living, as positively as we can.
Comment from BethShelby
I do like it. You made good on your promise to write a more upbeat poem for the sad ones you wrote while caring for your husband. Nothing could be more upbeat that searching for world peace.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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I do like it. You made good on your promise to write a more upbeat poem for the sad ones you wrote while caring for your husband. Nothing could be more upbeat that searching for world peace.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thanks, Beth, for your review.
Comment from ESOSTINE
Your poems are very deeper in meaning for me to comprehend without reading over and over again together with the support of your notes. Sometimes I tend to think that you write for higher mortals. Hahahahaa! Seriously, I have so much to learn. Thanks for sharing, and please keep them coming.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Your poems are very deeper in meaning for me to comprehend without reading over and over again together with the support of your notes. Sometimes I tend to think that you write for higher mortals. Hahahahaa! Seriously, I have so much to learn. Thanks for sharing, and please keep them coming.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Ugo! Higher mortals, indeed! But I am pleased you like them. Thanks for the review!
Comment from royowen
I've often wondered what would we need to break down walls and not have rebuild new ones out, to know the secret to lasting diplomacy, where perhaps there was no more need for borders. But alas, they've tried that, the marginalised like the Basques in Spain, the Kurds and so many other ethnic groups are not happy, it's the boiling resentments of past injustices, or supposed injustices. Then we have the biblical prophesies, Sigh. So beautifully written Marjon, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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I've often wondered what would we need to break down walls and not have rebuild new ones out, to know the secret to lasting diplomacy, where perhaps there was no more need for borders. But alas, they've tried that, the marginalised like the Basques in Spain, the Kurds and so many other ethnic groups are not happy, it's the boiling resentments of past injustices, or supposed injustices. Then we have the biblical prophesies, Sigh. So beautifully written Marjon, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thanks, once again, Roy. I like your reviews and comments very much.
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Well done, good debating fodder Marjon.
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Peace will never work if it is one-sidedly proclaimed. It will need worldwide cooperation and agreements to come anywhere near a plausible solution. This world is based on fear for each other. All countries think they need to have the best weapons, the most advanced killing-equipment and the best trained military force, because...why?? well, because they "might" attack us, so we must be prepared to defend ourselves. Fear, fear, and no trust.
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Some do attack, like America and Russia have, based on superior weight,
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I know, but is it not true, that, when we dig deep enough, it still is fear that is driving them? This race for supremacy, this "I am better than you are" is, ultimately, fear, I think. And cunning, dangerous, evil sometimes, devilish cunning and lying. but still fear.
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I think you?re right.
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:))
Comment from estory
Another great poem of possibilities and imagination told in a nice conversational style with glittering, vivid images. I liked those 'Jewels in a jasper cup.' nice alliteration there. "The immense galaxy is ours" was great too in laying out those wide open possibilities of imagination. "Who knows? Maybe we can even give the gift of peace." I like how you kept the possibilities there but left it up in the air. estory
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Another great poem of possibilities and imagination told in a nice conversational style with glittering, vivid images. I liked those 'Jewels in a jasper cup.' nice alliteration there. "The immense galaxy is ours" was great too in laying out those wide open possibilities of imagination. "Who knows? Maybe we can even give the gift of peace." I like how you kept the possibilities there but left it up in the air. estory
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thanks, Estory, for your kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
MVB,
I really hate that you will read the following and probably be very vexed with me. I'm just gonna be as honest as possible so you'll understand my experience as I read this post. [Sometimes I think we reviewers aren't brave enough to share our real thoughts and opinions - which may leave the writers with a skewed sense of how their pieces are received.] I hope you'll understand the reasons for my honesty and not think me too brutal. (fingers crossed!)
Some notes:
1.) gather(ing) precious stones
2.) The first stanza was lovely -- I can see this all taking place -- the idea that our imaginations are omnipotent! Capable of anything. And far more freeing than our physical realities prove willing to be. We are limited -- and that can be soooo FRUSTRATING! When you join this stanza with the final words, we see that our MINDS are capable of anything - without limits... even the possibility and hope of a real and lasting peace. The problem (in my case) is the second stanza. I just did not get it. Between the wording AND your punctuation choices, the message seemed just below the surface - something I should be able to grasp, but never could.
3.) Here are some of the issues I had - I'm hoping these will make sense!
--> the mart of power, the fount of will
--> 'mart' = a trade center or market. -- is this what you mean?
--> perhaps the 'start' of power? Or the 'store' of power? (IDK)
4.) oh that and this, the new and strange
--> I didn't get this part... nor the following...
--> do you mean 'oh that' to refer to the things just mentioned? and 'and this' to refer to the things coming next in your poem? If so, which would be 'the new and strange'?
5.) the key of all the things that are
oh that and this, the new and strange
in every age can turn the year, the bad;
--> this seems really garbled -- sorry! -- I don't think you are QUITE expressing your thoughts in their entirety - so that the reader can totally get what you're saying. Is this intentional? (see next portion to understand what I mean)
6.) I've noticed that sometimes writers will share something private and something THEY are the only ones who can understand.
They use a form of 'code' - something that reveals enough for THEM to understand/remember/get what they are saying, but never enough so the outside world can understand it.
A situation like this always seems to leave me thinking that if a writer doesn't want to truly let others in on their 'secret', perhaps it's something better kept to oneself? Something to put in a private journal so that only your eyes can see it.
Why share it if no one can understand it? I'm probably wrong in this case - perhaps others would find this clear as a bell... but I find myself frustrated and confused (and slightly irritated) because I don't feel smart enough to 'get' the message. *smile*
I REALLY am not trying to offend or upset you. Remember - this is only one person's opinion and doesn't count for much. I do have a wee tiny brain so it's very possible this is just outside my scope of understanding.
Thanks so much!
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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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MVB,
I really hate that you will read the following and probably be very vexed with me. I'm just gonna be as honest as possible so you'll understand my experience as I read this post. [Sometimes I think we reviewers aren't brave enough to share our real thoughts and opinions - which may leave the writers with a skewed sense of how their pieces are received.] I hope you'll understand the reasons for my honesty and not think me too brutal. (fingers crossed!)
Some notes:
1.) gather(ing) precious stones
2.) The first stanza was lovely -- I can see this all taking place -- the idea that our imaginations are omnipotent! Capable of anything. And far more freeing than our physical realities prove willing to be. We are limited -- and that can be soooo FRUSTRATING! When you join this stanza with the final words, we see that our MINDS are capable of anything - without limits... even the possibility and hope of a real and lasting peace. The problem (in my case) is the second stanza. I just did not get it. Between the wording AND your punctuation choices, the message seemed just below the surface - something I should be able to grasp, but never could.
3.) Here are some of the issues I had - I'm hoping these will make sense!
--> the mart of power, the fount of will
--> 'mart' = a trade center or market. -- is this what you mean?
--> perhaps the 'start' of power? Or the 'store' of power? (IDK)
4.) oh that and this, the new and strange
--> I didn't get this part... nor the following...
--> do you mean 'oh that' to refer to the things just mentioned? and 'and this' to refer to the things coming next in your poem? If so, which would be 'the new and strange'?
5.) the key of all the things that are
oh that and this, the new and strange
in every age can turn the year, the bad;
--> this seems really garbled -- sorry! -- I don't think you are QUITE expressing your thoughts in their entirety - so that the reader can totally get what you're saying. Is this intentional? (see next portion to understand what I mean)
6.) I've noticed that sometimes writers will share something private and something THEY are the only ones who can understand.
They use a form of 'code' - something that reveals enough for THEM to understand/remember/get what they are saying, but never enough so the outside world can understand it.
A situation like this always seems to leave me thinking that if a writer doesn't want to truly let others in on their 'secret', perhaps it's something better kept to oneself? Something to put in a private journal so that only your eyes can see it.
Why share it if no one can understand it? I'm probably wrong in this case - perhaps others would find this clear as a bell... but I find myself frustrated and confused (and slightly irritated) because I don't feel smart enough to 'get' the message. *smile*
I REALLY am not trying to offend or upset you. Remember - this is only one person's opinion and doesn't count for much. I do have a wee tiny brain so it's very possible this is just outside my scope of understanding.
Thanks so much!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Oh Robyn! Please don't worry. Of course, I do not hate you for saying what you think and feel, or ask for explaining things you didn't understand. It could be that I was not clear enough. I realize my writing sometimes is rather cryptic. Others do understand and like it, and some are like you, didn't grasp it, and didn't like it.
I like sometimes to use words that are a very seldom used, just because the sound at that particular place in the poem sounds good to me, and expresses con precision what I want to say.
When I wrote: The mart of power, I meant the coming together of forces, or maybe the combined power. It is a correct word, but it is not used often with this meaning.
This and that sounded nice there. But doesn't mean anything else than the non-descript "all kind of things".
But I am NOT offended and NOT angry. I am a poet with her own style, that certainly is not for everybody, but I like what I do and write, and am always open for critique.
Comment from Vanna1
I like it. Sounds refreshing to hear. Evokes done nice imagery. I am not an expert however when you say the mart, would a capital look better!? Seems like your in the middle of a line because you have the break.
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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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I like it. Sounds refreshing to hear. Evokes done nice imagery. I am not an expert however when you say the mart, would a capital look better!? Seems like your in the middle of a line because you have the break.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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You are right, Vanna. Thanks for the review and seeing that. I already rectified.