St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "St. Louis Chapter 24 part 3"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
16 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
I like the way you let your characters relax a little after something intense happens. There getting to know each other better and learning to care a great deal. Logan seems to take a break then they appear to be getting too intense but It obvious she really like hime.
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reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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I like the way you let your characters relax a little after something intense happens. There getting to know each other better and learning to care a great deal. Logan seems to take a break then they appear to be getting too intense but It obvious she really like hime.
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Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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I think she likes him too. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, I'm writing this as I'm listening to the music. I haven't hear that song for years and it brought tears and a smile to my eyes. So they are getting close now. I would have liked that you had prolonged the moment until they kissed each other.
Looking each other deep in the eyes - her eyes never leaving his lips. Something to that effect.
Just a couple of things:
Logan reached over closed the computer. = Logan reached over and closed the computer.
McKenzie took a bite of the grilled steak and her set her fork down.= delete 'her' after 'and'
Ulla xx
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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Hi Barbara, I'm writing this as I'm listening to the music. I haven't hear that song for years and it brought tears and a smile to my eyes. So they are getting close now. I would have liked that you had prolonged the moment until they kissed each other.
Looking each other deep in the eyes - her eyes never leaving his lips. Something to that effect.
Just a couple of things:
Logan reached over closed the computer. = Logan reached over and closed the computer.
McKenzie took a bite of the grilled steak and her set her fork down.= delete 'her' after 'and'
Ulla xx
Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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I have made those corrections and will see what I can come up for the other suggestion. Thank you. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Sankey
This was a super lovely chapter in spite of the suspicious delivery. 2 Spags and a suggested change. Logan reached over (and)closed the computer.
bite of the grilled steak and [her] set her fork down.
Suggestion only: I('ve) got this.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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This was a super lovely chapter in spite of the suspicious delivery. 2 Spags and a suggested change. Logan reached over (and)closed the computer.
bite of the grilled steak and [her] set her fork down.
Suggestion only: I('ve) got this.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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I have made the changes thank you for the catches.
Comment from judiverse
Twice-baked potatoes, steak, and fresh-made lemonade? This guy is a keeper. Mac says she's closer to solving the murder. I'll be so eager to find out, because I'm clueless. It's usually someone you least suspect. The dance is nice, but some more developments about the case in the scene. Great characterization and realistic dialogue. judi
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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Twice-baked potatoes, steak, and fresh-made lemonade? This guy is a keeper. Mac says she's closer to solving the murder. I'll be so eager to find out, because I'm clueless. It's usually someone you least suspect. The dance is nice, but some more developments about the case in the scene. Great characterization and realistic dialogue. judi
Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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I wanted them to have a touching moment. It's going to heat up very soon.
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I'm really curious to see who Megan's murderer turns out to be. I'm thinking someone in the police department. judi
Comment from Sally Law
I just love romance, even in murder mysteries. It breaks the tension. People live real lives like Logan and Makenzie. I see you added a song. This adds so much.
A few improvements for your consideration.
-Relinquishing the phone, she asked why. Smoother and clearer.
- Less is more. One sentence that says the same thing instead of two. "But why? Why risk you safety?" Possibly, "You'd do that, and risk your safety?"
I hope this is helpful. A fine (and romantic) addition to your book. Love the song by Brad Paisley, too.
Sending you my best today as,
Sally xoxo
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reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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I just love romance, even in murder mysteries. It breaks the tension. People live real lives like Logan and Makenzie. I see you added a song. This adds so much.
A few improvements for your consideration.
-Relinquishing the phone, she asked why. Smoother and clearer.
- Less is more. One sentence that says the same thing instead of two. "But why? Why risk you safety?" Possibly, "You'd do that, and risk your safety?"
I hope this is helpful. A fine (and romantic) addition to your book. Love the song by Brad Paisley, too.
Sending you my best today as,
Sally xoxo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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Thank you for the catches. I have made the corrections. I appreciate the help.
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You are most welcome. A pleasure, sweet lady. Sal xo
Comment from Puzzle
I like what I've read so far. It's a romance mystery. A little something for everybody. Logan seems too good to be true tho. But he talked to the dog. And I don't know why but that makes me trust him more lol. Anyway, see! It pulled me in! Good job!!!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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I like what I've read so far. It's a romance mystery. A little something for everybody. Logan seems too good to be true tho. But he talked to the dog. And I don't know why but that makes me trust him more lol. Anyway, see! It pulled me in! Good job!!!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
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Thank you for the kind review. Logan is a good guy.
