Discovery
A view into the unseen.36 total reviews
Comment from Bichon
This was truly an interesting read. It felt very personal, almost as if I was reading a poem/letter to your past self, which was a very nice touch. Best of luck with it!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
  |
This was truly an interesting read. It felt very personal, almost as if I was reading a poem/letter to your past self, which was a very nice touch. Best of luck with it!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
-
Thank you for reading my composition on the power of music.
Comment from rama devi
Utterly outstanding, expressive and original. Darn! I wish I had a SIX. This is one of the best free verse poems I've read in a while. It had the necessary AHA effect, delivered in a unique voice with deliciously poetic imagery! I love the closing line. I love the tone and tenor of this. It was odd reading it with the reader playing the role of YOU, somehow. But it drew an intimacy--great device!
Just a few comma-related suggestions:
In your youth, you crossed the road
to reach the street with multiple lights.
You were sovereign.
You saw colors, lines, and global arches--
You were an artist.
And(,) one day(,) the sun no longer stroked your face(,)
and a foul voice said it was time to dim your ease.
You could perceive the shore,
but you would miss the ocean...
and you resented the sentence--the ocean,
the lights, the lines, and the arches.
You were down on a night without a moon.(,)
and the abyss crawled into your spirit.
After years, one day in the fall(,) you stood near a tree(,)
and a leaf fell into your hands(,)
and you felt enlightened(,)
and you found yourself holding the leaf
and discovering a new world on its underside ...
a freeway of imperceptible indentations
bringing life to the mother leaf.
And that is when(,) in your heart(,) you felt
the anointing of the unseen.
The last line is my favorite, but after that, these:
and you found yourself holding the leaf
and discovering a new world on its underside ...
a freeway of imperceptible indentations
bringing life to the mother leaf.
LOVE IT!
A six, if i had one. Bravo.
Hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
|
Utterly outstanding, expressive and original. Darn! I wish I had a SIX. This is one of the best free verse poems I've read in a while. It had the necessary AHA effect, delivered in a unique voice with deliciously poetic imagery! I love the closing line. I love the tone and tenor of this. It was odd reading it with the reader playing the role of YOU, somehow. But it drew an intimacy--great device!
Just a few comma-related suggestions:
In your youth, you crossed the road
to reach the street with multiple lights.
You were sovereign.
You saw colors, lines, and global arches--
You were an artist.
And(,) one day(,) the sun no longer stroked your face(,)
and a foul voice said it was time to dim your ease.
You could perceive the shore,
but you would miss the ocean...
and you resented the sentence--the ocean,
the lights, the lines, and the arches.
You were down on a night without a moon.(,)
and the abyss crawled into your spirit.
After years, one day in the fall(,) you stood near a tree(,)
and a leaf fell into your hands(,)
and you felt enlightened(,)
and you found yourself holding the leaf
and discovering a new world on its underside ...
a freeway of imperceptible indentations
bringing life to the mother leaf.
And that is when(,) in your heart(,) you felt
the anointing of the unseen.
The last line is my favorite, but after that, these:
and you found yourself holding the leaf
and discovering a new world on its underside ...
a freeway of imperceptible indentations
bringing life to the mother leaf.
LOVE IT!
A six, if i had one. Bravo.
Hugs,
rd
Comment Written 19-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
-
Thank you, dear friend, for your comments and correcctions.
-
xxoo
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Hope writing prompt.
This verse telling of feeling anointed.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
|
I think this is a good entry for the Hope writing prompt.
This verse telling of feeling anointed.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 19-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
-
Thank you for reading this poem, Sharon.
Comment from Shirley McLain
This was an abstract and enlightening poem that I enjoyed reading. We all feel alone at some time or another. That is where the built-in hope we have brings itself forward in each of us. God bless you and yours. Shirley
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
|
This was an abstract and enlightening poem that I enjoyed reading. We all feel alone at some time or another. That is where the built-in hope we have brings itself forward in each of us. God bless you and yours. Shirley
Comment Written 19-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
-
Thank you, Shirley. Your words are enlightment. I appreciate you read my work.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
We all need to experience this, or something like that. So much can happen if we go outside and let mother nature do it's thing. We just have to be open to everything around us. Great job
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
|
We all need to experience this, or something like that. So much can happen if we go outside and let mother nature do it's thing. We just have to be open to everything around us. Great job
Comment Written 19-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
-
Thank you for reading my work.
Comment from estory
I liked it. There was great flow to the stream of consciousness here, a good sense of the dramatic in the rhythm and nice musical effects to. I liked the imagery. In the opening stanza you have this great sense of a world of light, shape and color all around you, that gets dimmed as you turn inward into darkness. And then in the last stanza you find this leaf, and in studying its details, a whole new world opens up for you. It's a great metaphor for hope I think. Nice job estory
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
 |
I liked it. There was great flow to the stream of consciousness here, a good sense of the dramatic in the rhythm and nice musical effects to. I liked the imagery. In the opening stanza you have this great sense of a world of light, shape and color all around you, that gets dimmed as you turn inward into darkness. And then in the last stanza you find this leaf, and in studying its details, a whole new world opens up for you. It's a great metaphor for hope I think. Nice job estory
Comment Written 19-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
-
Thank you poet. You understood so greatley the simple message of an unveiled hope. This is such an inspiring review...
Comment from Patty Palmer
Discovery begins the minute you're born and doesn't end until death, That's a long time but as long as you're alive you constantly learn. You learn if you cry mommy will pick you up or feed you. When you stop crying your mother knows what cry means what, Discovery!! Great job!'
Patty
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
|
Discovery begins the minute you're born and doesn't end until death, That's a long time but as long as you're alive you constantly learn. You learn if you cry mommy will pick you up or feed you. When you stop crying your mother knows what cry means what, Discovery!! Great job!'
Patty
Comment Written 19-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
-
Thank you so much for your insightful review.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Sometimes it is the little things, like the leaf, that causes us to see clearly that God is still in control. The little leaf can open our mind to the larger picture, and bring our downtrodden feelings into a more positive way of thinking.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
|
Sometimes it is the little things, like the leaf, that causes us to see clearly that God is still in control. The little leaf can open our mind to the larger picture, and bring our downtrodden feelings into a more positive way of thinking.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
-
This is such an encouring review, once again, my eyes are open, wide, to receive the blessing of your words.
-
I'm speechless.
Comment from Jeffrey Ford
I think that you made a great and creative poem! I can really relate. In my youth I felt like I could do or be anything that I wanted to be. I definitely can understand where you said reach multiple lights. Awesome poem!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
|
I think that you made a great and creative poem! I can really relate. In my youth I felt like I could do or be anything that I wanted to be. I definitely can understand where you said reach multiple lights. Awesome poem!
Comment Written 18-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
-
Thank you for understanding so well...
Comment from samandlancelot
I like that your hope is in the unseen, because what we see makes it hard to hold onto that hope.
I like your freeway of imperceptible indentations bringing life.
Patricia
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
|
I like that your hope is in the unseen, because what we see makes it hard to hold onto that hope.
I like your freeway of imperceptible indentations bringing life.
Patricia
Comment Written 18-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
-
Thank you Samantha, your comments are inspiring and insightful.
