The Dream Man
Two women discussing man troubles in a bar19 total reviews
Comment from Gail Denham
Good shock appeal in this short story. And perhaps that's often the case - the truth will out. "Two women at a deserted bar" comes across well. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Good shock appeal in this short story. And perhaps that's often the case - the truth will out. "Two women at a deserted bar" comes across well. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thank you!!
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
Well, well. This is very awkward. I saw it coming though. I felt the spoiler alert radar sounding off. What are the chances that these to women would be in the same bar. Also, inquiring minds want to know something. Does Michael or Micky need a change of underwear upon seeing these two women calling his name? I like this and enjoyed reading this humorous and well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Well, well. This is very awkward. I saw it coming though. I felt the spoiler alert radar sounding off. What are the chances that these to women would be in the same bar. Also, inquiring minds want to know something. Does Michael or Micky need a change of underwear upon seeing these two women calling his name? I like this and enjoyed reading this humorous and well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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LOL. Thank you!
Comment from Minglement
This is a very clever entry for this contest. I would have liked to be a fly on the wall when this story continued, although it would be anticlimatic - you ended at the perfect spot. Well done, no suggestions. A clear winner.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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This is a very clever entry for this contest. I would have liked to be a fly on the wall when this story continued, although it would be anticlimatic - you ended at the perfect spot. Well done, no suggestions. A clear winner.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2020
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Thank you so much!
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You're welcome.
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It won first prize!
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Yes! Congrats!
Comment from pome lover
wow! and they didn't even entertain the thought that it could be the same guy??? what a shock for poor Claire. No, wait - what a shock for Michael/Mickey! ha! Guess he didn't see wifey's car.
Good story with an ending I would love to have been a fly on the wall to see. I wonder how that would've played out?
Good luck in the contest.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2020
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wow! and they didn't even entertain the thought that it could be the same guy??? what a shock for poor Claire. No, wait - what a shock for Michael/Mickey! ha! Guess he didn't see wifey's car.
Good story with an ending I would love to have been a fly on the wall to see. I wonder how that would've played out?
Good luck in the contest.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 19-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2020
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I got a note from them this morning that I had to edit it or couldn?t be in the contest because I had the man coming in the door.The two girls had to be alone in the bar per the contest description. I doubt it will win anyway, but I am glad they gave me another chance.
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hmmm, a challenge for a different ending. I think you ought to surprise the reader by maybe having them swap boyfriends or something. maybe a funny ending?
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as long as the contest isn't in with the judges, I think you can still edit it all you want. I know I've done that many times.
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The contest committee is the one that contacted me.
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yeah, but if you can't have the guy enter at the end, which messes up your whole story, you can change it.
maybe I don't get your last remark.
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I think you got it. I just changed it so he was framed in the doorway.
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hope they accept that.
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I know. I read the message at 5 this a.m. and had to leave for work. They wanted it fixed by noon so I did not have time to play with it.
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If my message came from the committee, does that mean the judges have. It?
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the judges may BE the committee. Go back to the description of the contest and scroll down to the bottom and they usually say whose contest it is.
Comment from May 1
That's such an interesting take on the situation, it was really interesting to read. I love the twist at the end. All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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That's such an interesting take on the situation, it was really interesting to read. I love the twist at the end. All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Two Women Sit at a Deserted Bar contest.
This short story tells of two women with the same man. Surprise at the ending.
Well told. Good luck to you with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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I think this is a good entry for the Two Women Sit at a Deserted Bar contest.
This short story tells of two women with the same man. Surprise at the ending.
Well told. Good luck to you with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 18-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Susan X Smith
I have to admit, I saw this one coming as soon as I read the names "Michael" and "Mickey." Still, it is an old story but always a good one, the proverbial love triangle.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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I have to admit, I saw this one coming as soon as I read the names "Michael" and "Mickey." Still, it is an old story but always a good one, the proverbial love triangle.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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I was wondering if anyone would catch the Michael and Mickey thing. Good job.
Comment from Carl DeVere
Good irony in this tale. Women always seem to make friends of strangers faster than men. Thank you for surprising me and not making the man Claire's husband. Sometimes women, unfortunately, go for the wrong kind of guy. I guess that there's more adventure in that. I enjoy reading this contest. It's like being a voyeur in some place that you are not supposed to be. All of these stories so far have been written by women. I guess that makes sense. Well done.
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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Good irony in this tale. Women always seem to make friends of strangers faster than men. Thank you for surprising me and not making the man Claire's husband. Sometimes women, unfortunately, go for the wrong kind of guy. I guess that there's more adventure in that. I enjoy reading this contest. It's like being a voyeur in some place that you are not supposed to be. All of these stories so far have been written by women. I guess that makes sense. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Thank you!
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I guess I did not do too well with the surprise ending. It was Claire?s husband. It was also the girls boyfriend. They were one and the same
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Uh oh...I did suspect it but was not certain.
Comment from tfawcus
A good response to the challenge. You've set up a situation here that has great potential. I suspect that the next scene would be the really interesting one!
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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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A good response to the challenge. You've set up a situation here that has great potential. I suspect that the next scene would be the really interesting one!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2020
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Thank you!
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I probably could turn it into a horror story!