St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "St. Louis Chapter 19 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
16 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Good reading again. Flowing along nicely. Good chat between Logan and Simon. Noticed in the last chapter "How you doing?" now "How you holding up?" Is it normal to leave "are" out a lot in these kinds of sentences? I let it go the last chapter ok hehe.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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Good reading again. Flowing along nicely. Good chat between Logan and Simon. Noticed in the last chapter "How you doing?" now "How you holding up?" Is it normal to leave "are" out a lot in these kinds of sentences? I let it go the last chapter ok hehe.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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It is normal in dialogue. Us American's don't speak as we should. If we're writing it should be there, but not in dialogue. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
You had me busy reading this chapter.
You certanley had a lot going on in this well chapter with McKenzie and Logan have been doing since they have met. And he part with Simon and Sheila and having a baby. All made this chapter worth reading.
Gert
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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Hello Barb
You had me busy reading this chapter.
You certanley had a lot going on in this well chapter with McKenzie and Logan have been doing since they have met. And he part with Simon and Sheila and having a baby. All made this chapter worth reading.
Gert
Comment Written 15-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the kind review and the encouragement,
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Hello Barbra
smiles you are welcome
Gert
Comment from rama devi
It's been ages since I've reviewed your work, dear, as I was mostly absent for many months. So I've not kept up with the book but it was still easy to get pulled in to this chapter because your writing style is well paced and easy to read... and your characters are interesting.
NOTES:
*Lifting her notes for Logan to see, she said, "Here. What we don't know is if there is any background information on these people. That would help."
Here, I recommend trimming the speech tag (since the reader knows from contest who is speaking) and also using a contraction:
She lifted her notes for Logan to see. "Here. What we don't know is if there's any background information on these people. That would help."
*
As he looked up, his eyes met McKenzie(,) and they locked in a gaze.
*
Logan filled him in on everything that happened since he saw(had seen) them Sunday evening.
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He chuckled. "That's ridiculous(,) but that's exactly how Mac would think.
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"At times(,) I struggle with the idea I have security around all the time."
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"Maybe because the time she threw Simon out of the house, you listened and told her to discuss it with Simon(,) and it saved their marriage."
Good closing hook (as usual).
Happy holidays!
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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It's been ages since I've reviewed your work, dear, as I was mostly absent for many months. So I've not kept up with the book but it was still easy to get pulled in to this chapter because your writing style is well paced and easy to read... and your characters are interesting.
NOTES:
*Lifting her notes for Logan to see, she said, "Here. What we don't know is if there is any background information on these people. That would help."
Here, I recommend trimming the speech tag (since the reader knows from contest who is speaking) and also using a contraction:
She lifted her notes for Logan to see. "Here. What we don't know is if there's any background information on these people. That would help."
*
As he looked up, his eyes met McKenzie(,) and they locked in a gaze.
*
Logan filled him in on everything that happened since he saw(had seen) them Sunday evening.
*
He chuckled. "That's ridiculous(,) but that's exactly how Mac would think.
*
"At times(,) I struggle with the idea I have security around all the time."
*
"Maybe because the time she threw Simon out of the house, you listened and told her to discuss it with Simon(,) and it saved their marriage."
Good closing hook (as usual).
Happy holidays!
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 15-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the help. I appreciate the catches and am glad you were able to catch this post.
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Happy to help. Hugs,
rd
Comment from RShipp
I don't usually lie 'the romance genre' ... but add an food and a gruesome murder... you've got me.
I have seen murder/mystery genre books now come with thier own recipe section. If your detective ?is? a great cook, as seems to be implied ...you might want to purposefully add a selection of recipes (hand-crafted by you and taste-tested). I could see Mr. Detective becoming a series with his romantic side-kick... Or maybe the other way around?
Enjoyed!
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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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I don't usually lie 'the romance genre' ... but add an food and a gruesome murder... you've got me.
I have seen murder/mystery genre books now come with thier own recipe section. If your detective ?is? a great cook, as seems to be implied ...you might want to purposefully add a selection of recipes (hand-crafted by you and taste-tested). I could see Mr. Detective becoming a series with his romantic side-kick... Or maybe the other way around?
Enjoyed!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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She's the detective. He's just there helping her solve his sister's murder. Thank you for the kind review.
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Sorry, I suspect I was too rooted in gender-roles to notice... completely my bad.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, it's a great chapter and the strain is starting to show of not being able to go anywhere. The visit from Simon and Sheila helped a lot, I think.
I only found one thing:
"At times I struggle with it the idea I have security around all the time." = delete 'it'
All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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Hi Barbara, it's a great chapter and the strain is starting to show of not being able to go anywhere. The visit from Simon and Sheila helped a lot, I think.
I only found one thing:
"At times I struggle with it the idea I have security around all the time." = delete 'it'
All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 15-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the catch. I have deleted that pesky little word. I changed that sentence as I posted and accidentally left it in. I appreciate the help.
Comment from royowen
After Simon and Sheila visit Logan and Mackenzie, they make a list of groceries, and depart for the store, Mac realises there is a vehicle following them, the same as before. Simon notes because he knows Logan that he's in love with Mac... that's quick, well done Barbara, good scribing, blessings, Roy
Typo : I guess we'll have to do old fashion(ed) surveillance. 2: she threw Simon out (of) the house.
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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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After Simon and Sheila visit Logan and Mackenzie, they make a list of groceries, and depart for the store, Mac realises there is a vehicle following them, the same as before. Simon notes because he knows Logan that he's in love with Mac... that's quick, well done Barbara, good scribing, blessings, Roy
Typo : I guess we'll have to do old fashion(ed) surveillance. 2: she threw Simon out (of) the house.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the catches. I've made the corrections. I appreciate the help.
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Most welcome Barbara
