Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Craig, this is a clever story where you set up everyone against each other including the reader. You leave us puzzled what is going on until the very end. I liked the jigsaw you brought into the story. All best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019

Thanks so much for the lovely comments, Ulla. Much appreciated, Craig.

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

I like the elemental table being used as a jigsaw puzzle. Clever anagram.
To me, this feels like a longer piece, compressed. The backstory is sketchy. I have little feel for any of the characters. Maybe that's the point--you left the puzzle incomplete?

Best of luck.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019

Interesting speculation there, Lee. I wish I could truthfully say that's the case. In reality, I've noticed, through reading comments on many short stories before, that there are a number of readers whose tolerance for pieces much longer than the minimum set for this contest is not great. I don't want to lose readers by making it too long. But yes, I'll admit I was very conscious myself of wanting to "flesh things out" more. Cheers, Craig

reply by humpwhistle on 15-Dec-2019

I get, Craig. The current crop of FS readers seem stamina-challenged to me. It's cyclical.
I'm still working on my entry, and I expect to leave a lot on the cutting room floor, too.
Again, best of luck.

Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

You have written a very good story Craig. I loved the puzzle/riddle you used inside your plot... very interesting and cleverly done. I am glad that the only death in this story was Costa ... I like it when bad guys do not win. Well done.

Melissa

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019

Thanks so much, Melissa. I appreciate the lovely comments. Craig

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Craig,

Very nice opening paragraph, setting things up very well. (name, occupation, scenario) Can't beat a 'Hitchhiker's' quote either. lol

"I'm going to count to five. You will pick up the syringe and inject the full contents into your right glute." On five, I'm either going to catch you or shoot you." - remove the speech marks after glute.

she will have just a few hours hours to live- delete one of the hours here.

"That means we have something in the order of three to four hours in which to find her. Has Detective Constable Price been of any assistance? - need speech marks at the end here.

This is clever and well worked out. I like what you did with it very much. I hope this one does well come the judging.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019

Thanks so much for the kind comments and also for catching those glitches, GMan. Thanks, too, for another fun challenge. Cheers, Craig

Comment from Janilou

Exceptional

Gripping and excellent writing. One of the best short story thrillers I've read. I liked the way you jumped from the killer's perspective straight into the story and the hunt to save poor Paula. I also liked the ending. Glad your characters were able to solve the "puzzle" and save her. Very clever indeed.
I have nothing negative to say. A great story and I wish you the very best in the contest! Hope you win.
Well done.
Jan

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019

Thank you so much for the generous comments, and the lovely gift of a six star rating, Jan. Thanks for the good wishes as well. Glad you enjoyed -- Craig

Comment from LeannaP

Excellent

This is a really engaging read.
Reminds me of the twilight zone.
Your words spark meaning and you write relatively well.
Thank you for sharing.
I look forward to reading more of your work.

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019

Thank you for the kind comments, much appreciated. Craig

Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

Glad they found her. I found myself trying to solve the puzzle, and I couldn't. I guess Jasper wasn't such a lousy detective after all. He's the one who solved it. I kind of felt sorry for Costa. He lost his girl, but I guess he didn't know there's nobody on earth worth killing yourself over.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2019

I'm so glad you mentioned that, Cindy. I was hoping that I hadn't made it too obvious, you have given me confidence it's not :) Most grateful, Craig