Aaron's Dragons
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Dylan Returns"An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs
13 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Cindy,
I just realized, in 39 years of writing professionally, I don't think I've ever written a piece involving dragons. Which I do think would be a lot of fun!
Hmmm... I think you may have inspired me -- and terrified me a bit, also. Ha!!
I'm sorry to say I haven't been following this regularly. Lately, I can't even keep up with reviewing much at all!
But I did enjoy it. This piece shows a lot of creativity and just good, old-fashioned, basic story-telling skills, as well. (Always lovely to see!)
Some notes, if I may?
1.) more than bugs. We're best to camp under a the pines."
--> please delete the 'a' after 'under'
2.) We're all missing Purple, and worrying over her.
--> that may be so, but from the narrative a couple paragraphs above this, it seems AARON is missing BLUE
3.) Aaron and Duane stretched out under a tree near the horses. Sheer exhaustion soon sent them to sleep.
--vs--
Instead of finding himself in the water with Blue, Aaron found himself with Purple...
--> I realize I haven't been following faithfully, but I'll show you this and you can determine if any edits are needed:
a.) earlier, it sounded like blue/purple had taken off/were inaccessible - now we discover he/they just went on ahead? (Then why all the drama? No eating, etc)
b.) in the two passages I compare above, you have Aaron both going to sleep under a tree AND going down to a pool. Explain???
--> later I see this is a dream sequence--can you make that clearer from the beginning??
4.) Had she been bigger, a blow from that tail would have been fatal, but Purple was not big enough.
--> you're kind of saying the 'big enough' part twice. You could leave off one of these
That's it. It would thrill me no end if something I offered here might help. ha!
Good luck to ya!!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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Cindy,
I just realized, in 39 years of writing professionally, I don't think I've ever written a piece involving dragons. Which I do think would be a lot of fun!
Hmmm... I think you may have inspired me -- and terrified me a bit, also. Ha!!
I'm sorry to say I haven't been following this regularly. Lately, I can't even keep up with reviewing much at all!
But I did enjoy it. This piece shows a lot of creativity and just good, old-fashioned, basic story-telling skills, as well. (Always lovely to see!)
Some notes, if I may?
1.) more than bugs. We're best to camp under a the pines."
--> please delete the 'a' after 'under'
2.) We're all missing Purple, and worrying over her.
--> that may be so, but from the narrative a couple paragraphs above this, it seems AARON is missing BLUE
3.) Aaron and Duane stretched out under a tree near the horses. Sheer exhaustion soon sent them to sleep.
--vs--
Instead of finding himself in the water with Blue, Aaron found himself with Purple...
--> I realize I haven't been following faithfully, but I'll show you this and you can determine if any edits are needed:
a.) earlier, it sounded like blue/purple had taken off/were inaccessible - now we discover he/they just went on ahead? (Then why all the drama? No eating, etc)
b.) in the two passages I compare above, you have Aaron both going to sleep under a tree AND going down to a pool. Explain???
--> later I see this is a dream sequence--can you make that clearer from the beginning??
4.) Had she been bigger, a blow from that tail would have been fatal, but Purple was not big enough.
--> you're kind of saying the 'big enough' part twice. You could leave off one of these
That's it. It would thrill me no end if something I offered here might help. ha!
Good luck to ya!!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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Thanks. It looks like a couple of things are not clear. I'll have to fix that.
Comment from fluffnstuff
I found this to be different but also curiously interesting at the same time. I think the imagination is soaring out of you with this. I'll have to read a bit more as you ended this chapter I read with a definite curiosity for the reader which is good. Keep up the good work. Fluff
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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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I found this to be different but also curiously interesting at the same time. I think the imagination is soaring out of you with this. I'll have to read a bit more as you ended this chapter I read with a definite curiosity for the reader which is good. Keep up the good work. Fluff
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Comment Written 01-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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Thanks. Glad you enjoyed. People do tell me I have a wild imagination. Might as well make use of it.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Interesting dream. Does he see what is really happening when he dreams? What would cause that? Just glad Purple is okay. So the witch is back and will want to help, since the litter is of her dragon. She probably has useful knowledge about dragons as well as her own powers. Should be fun. :)
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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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Interesting dream. Does he see what is really happening when he dreams? What would cause that? Just glad Purple is okay. So the witch is back and will want to help, since the litter is of her dragon. She probably has useful knowledge about dragons as well as her own powers. Should be fun. :)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2019
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Thanks. He does see what really happens. It started right after he let the water dragon go. He can talk to the dragons, but he can't intervene.