Aaron's Dragons
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Trouble of a Different Kind"An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs
15 total reviews
Comment from Sallyo
Ooh, this is really coming along well. I'm looking forward to seeing what the other dragons are. The things below are just things you might want to look at.
around himself and the water dragon.
around him and the water dragon.
He flopped around, stretching the longest, blackest wings Aaron could have imagined. His long, ferret-like body flopped about,
Not wrong, but odd to have "flopped about" twice so close together
impossible wings against his body. Aaron wasn't sure he'd ever be able to do that. It seemed an impossible
IMPOSSIBLE used twice
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
Ooh, this is really coming along well. I'm looking forward to seeing what the other dragons are. The things below are just things you might want to look at.
around himself and the water dragon.
around him and the water dragon.
He flopped around, stretching the longest, blackest wings Aaron could have imagined. His long, ferret-like body flopped about,
Not wrong, but odd to have "flopped about" twice so close together
impossible wings against his body. Aaron wasn't sure he'd ever be able to do that. It seemed an impossible
IMPOSSIBLE used twice
Comment Written 06-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Thanks. I'll get on that spag first thing tomorrow morning.
Comment from damommy
This is a wonderful chapter. So much going on. Aaron has his hands full. I can't imagine what I'd do with all those little dragons, but Aaron's doing so well. I love all the details you provide about everyone's appearance. I can really 'see' them all.
-Red and green rushed out to greet the morning. (shouldn't 'green' be capitalized?)
-"Aaron," she said, ["]I know you have been considering bringing the eggs down here.
-alligator[-]like maw
-showing [his] brother
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
This is a wonderful chapter. So much going on. Aaron has his hands full. I can't imagine what I'd do with all those little dragons, but Aaron's doing so well. I love all the details you provide about everyone's appearance. I can really 'see' them all.
-Red and green rushed out to greet the morning. (shouldn't 'green' be capitalized?)
-"Aaron," she said, ["]I know you have been considering bringing the eggs down here.
-alligator[-]like maw
-showing [his] brother
Comment Written 06-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Thanks. You're right, it should be capitalized. I'll fix it and the other spag first thing in the morning.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Well, the dragons sure are busy. Cindy. You did a good job keeping them all separate in the story. I like how you describe the newly hatched ones. I believe the black dragon and the Chinese dragon will be special in other ways than the rest. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter. Respectfully with Love, Jan
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
Well, the dragons sure are busy. Cindy. You did a good job keeping them all separate in the story. I like how you describe the newly hatched ones. I believe the black dragon and the Chinese dragon will be special in other ways than the rest. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter. Respectfully with Love, Jan
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Thanks. I expect Black and Red will entertain.
Comment from Richard Van Kirk
Excellent story. One typo when Aaron spoke with the woman and she said: "Aaron," she said, I know you have been considering bringing the eggs down here. You must not. This cellar preserves things as they are...." Should there be a quote before, I know you have been....? A wonderful story. You set it up quite well. I could not stop reading. Aaron is "a knight past his prime," you write. Should Aaron have a few physical challenges? i.e. "I'm too old to play this kind of game?" Just curious, you probably do not need any reinforcement with the person "past his prime." Good luck
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
Excellent story. One typo when Aaron spoke with the woman and she said: "Aaron," she said, I know you have been considering bringing the eggs down here. You must not. This cellar preserves things as they are...." Should there be a quote before, I know you have been....? A wonderful story. You set it up quite well. I could not stop reading. Aaron is "a knight past his prime," you write. Should Aaron have a few physical challenges? i.e. "I'm too old to play this kind of game?" Just curious, you probably do not need any reinforcement with the person "past his prime." Good luck
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2019
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Thanks. You are right. I missed a quote. I'll fix it first thing in the morning.
Comment from Diana L Crawford
More beautiful dragons creatively described! So now red's got a little competition in her black brother. I love how the mountain one is so protective of Aaron. He brings a wonderful bonding aspect to the story. I can't wait to see how yellow developed. xoxo
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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
More beautiful dragons creatively described! So now red's got a little competition in her black brother. I love how the mountain one is so protective of Aaron. He brings a wonderful bonding aspect to the story. I can't wait to see how yellow developed. xoxo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
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Thanks. Yep, there's going to be some competition. Red isn't willing to take any of his crap.
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Haha!!!